Am i abnormal?

SandC

I'm glad I'm not alone here. I figured that as my dad had been so very ill for so many years and wasn't the dad I had once known that perhaps I'd already done a form of grieving. For nearly 20 years there have been many tears and worry connected with his health that it was almost a relief that the suffering was finally over. And boy do I get the guilt over all of this.

Then I think back to losing my mum when I was 10 and I didn't really cry over that either. Tears at first but then, I just got on with things. Over the months and then following years I would shed a tear and would sometimes get upset but there never was that river bank opening up.

I thought maybe it's just the way I am. With dad I have only cried a tiny bit when I got to the hospital (this too was May this year) - at the funeral I was fighting back panic rather than tears. It was weird.

What I feel horrid about more than anything is that I cried buckets for the longest time over some pathetic ex boyfriend of mine when he ditched me some years ago. Why? He certainly wasn't worth it.

Emotions are strange things.

msflowerfairy

Thank you everyone for you replies, i feel so much better now, and less wierd.

My MIL had Cancer which she defeated once, and then unfortuantely it cam back in a different form, and ravaged her, so much so she no longer resembled the beautiful strong woman that i had come to love and respect as my MIL.
I feel immense guilt that i chose not to visit in the last few weeks of her life, but i was quite simply scared of the change in her, and the thought of what was to come.

I have tried to cry, and i can't, but i do think about her every day, and remember things that she would have said to me when certain situations arise which make me smile.
I also think to myself what would ***** have done in this situation before i tackle something that i find daunting.

I was just a bit worried that i hadn't made any outward displays of grief, and that i may be stroring trouble up in the future for myself emotion wise, but i have read each and every comment, and understand now that we all grieve differently, and i am blessed to have such great memories, and photographs.

Thanks again...from the heart x

ambyence

I'm sorry for your loss. You are in no way abnormal. No one should feel bad about how they feel about death, or grief. Ever. I'm not someone who generally cries "appropriately", and I won't feel guilty about it. I've been to several funerals, close family and close friends, and not cried at all. At the same time I have on a couple of occasions cried at the most seemingly ridiculous moments (e.g. X Factor ). There is nothing wrong with expressing emotion - or not expressing it - in supposedly appropriate/inappropriate circumstances. When/if you feel it is the right time/place to grieve please then do it in your own way. Don't feel you should be or feel a certain way. It's a very personal thing. I say this having coming back from my nanna's funeral at which i cried like a small child (which was very unexpected, but clearly what I needed to do at the time). Please don't feel guilty, everyone deals with things in different ways.
Wishing you love and strength x