SD failing at school, mother doesn't care

faye6174

No useful advice, I'm afraid but I will be watching this thread with interest as I could have written it myself last year, and sure enough my DH's SD (but brought up from 1yr old as his) failed all of her exams this year, the difference in my situation is that the mother is completely devoid of any academic intellect, (would it be too harsh to say devoid of all intellect!?) We now have the same thing with DH's DD who is now 13 and potentially heading down the same route due to lack of any support or motivational guidance from her mother.

lostinrates

If self motivation is hard, is it fair to suggest the difficulties this might pose in animal care careers?

One of the primary responsibilties I have is to motivate myself! The animals make poor bosses when it comes to things like docking pay I'm hoping to soon be an employee (again) to someone in an ''animal care'' role and self starting is a primary consideration for me. Animals can be thankless too, and being proud of the work that you are motivated to do is linked.

I wish her luck with her future career (and you luck in motivating her!)

EmmaLi

Another very frustrating thing is that for the first 22 years of my life my parents owned and ran their own boarding kennels,and that's what I grew up doing, but apparently I still know nothing. IF she is to get into college on the course that requires no qualifications, she has got to persuade the tutors that they should give her a place on this very over-subscribed course rather than someone else, and she doesn't exactly express herself very well verbally.

RAS

Hi

It matters not what you think, this child is not going to do what you want, so it would be better to save your breath.

This is not about her schooling, but about the way she and her mother treat your OH, you and even the SD?

Let go. Let her get on with it. You have made your views known and there is nothing more you can do about it, effectively. Use you energy effectively.

When mum is complaining in 4 year's time about a pennuless scrounger, OH just needs to point out that he made his views known and she chose to ignore them, so no she lives with the consequences. And do not let her live with you unless she bucks up and get a proper job, whatever that is, and contributes to the household.

EmmaLi

RAS wrote: »

Hi

It matters not what you think, this child is not going to do what you want, so it would be better to save your breath.

This is not about her schooling, but about the way she and her mother treat your OH, you and even the SD?

Let go. Let her get on with it. You have made your views known and there is nothing more you can do about it, effectively. Use you energy effectively.

When mum is complaining in 4 year's time about a pennuless scrounger, OH just needs to point out that he made his views known and she chose to ignore them, so no she lives with the consequences. And do not let her live with you unless she bucks up and get a proper job, whatever that is, and contributes to the household.

This is the point that we have now got to. As far as we are now concerned, yesterday was a turning point that, when her mother starts complainging about her behaviour, we will remind her of.

Dancing_Shoes

Nothing to add just wanted to say that you sound like a very caring stepmum and you obviously have your sd's best interests at heart

EmmaLi

Dancing_Shoes wrote: »

Nothing to add just wanted to say that you sound like a very caring stepmum and you obviously have your sd's best interests at heart

Thank you. Despite what my SD and her mother think, I try to do my best.

Susan_Frost

Very difficult to influence a 15 year old who is not living with you and who is living with someone with different views.

No- she probably will not do too well in her exams and it may be for her that she will learn the hard way and after a few low paid, boring jobs, if she can even get one in this financial climate, she may "grow up" and start listening.

It may be hard, but dont get on to her, she can catch up with qualifications later if she wants to.

Also, ditch the idea of working with animals. She does work experience because she has to and that is what she managed to get. If she had her heart set on it she would have jumped at the chances she has had to work more with animals. It is just a "twee" thing to say at 15.

I feel she may need support in other ways, like self confidence and self esteem over the short term future. Concentrate on that, on just being a friend and someone she can turn to for support and common sense once (if) she eventually realises what she really wants to do in life.

Try not to worry, there are enough of us on this board who started out with little in the way of academic qualifications, but are doing fine.

Good luck

dieselhead

I think that we all mature academically at different rates, many of my contemporaries that left school at 16 with few qualifications, have now entered university in their mid 20's I think it just took them a taste of the real world to value their education. With a bit of luck your step daughter will come to realise this too.

never_enough

I fear you will only cause more harm than good if you keep on at her. You've done your bit a parents, now let her get on with it. She will very likely fail her exams but that's her responsibility not yours & she is the one who will have to deal with the consequences. I did the same thing, despite lots of support at home. Left school at 16 with a handful of poor exam grades, went into a string of rubbish jobs, worked two & sometimes three just to make ends meet. It was tough, but I knew it was my own fault! Fast forward a few more years & I went to university as a mature (!) student. I loved it, but know I would never have done it at 18. I went on to do a postgrad degree, now thinking of doing another, just for fun! :rolleyes: I am also dyslexic, but didn't find out until I was in my 30s!
What I'm trying to say in amongst the ramble, is that it needn't be the end of the world for her if she fails her exams, not unless she wants it to be. Good luck, you have my sympathy!