Time off to look after wife and kids

CrustyMcMuffin

Hi

My wife is due to go into hospital next week for an operation and she's been told it'll be around a 3 week recovery time. As a result she wont be able to look after our two kids properly and I'm looking to get some time off from work for this. Neither of our families live nearby and we don't really want to have to rely on friends to look after them. I've spoken to my work initially who have said they will give me 3 days special leave, I've hardly any holidays left to take so even including them I'm still looking at 10 days max time off. I have the option of taking the time off unpaid but that's not really practical due to having things to pay for every month! Any ideas out there, do my work have to offer some sort of flexible working so I can work from home during the day for a few hours and the rest in the evening?

Thanks

Oldernotwiser

CrustyMcMuffin wrote: »

Hi

My wife is due to go into hospital next week for an operation and she's been told it'll be around a 3 week recovery time. As a result she wont be able to look after our two kids properly and I'm looking to get some time off from work for this. Neither of our families live nearby and we don't really want to have to rely on friends to look after them. I've spoken to my work initially who have said they will give me 3 days special leave, I've hardly any holidays left to take so even including them I'm still looking at 10 days max time off. I have the option of taking the time off unpaid but that's not really practical due to having things to pay for every month! Any ideas out there, do my work have to offer some sort of flexible working so I can work from home during the day for a few hours and the rest in the evening?

Thanks

Working from home's going to rather depend on the sort of work that you do.

Can you not manage on a combination of the things you've mentioned? Three days' special leave + few days holiday + couple of days unpaid + couple of days' help from friends + couple of days with your wife back on duty at the end of her recovery time.

Edit: As it sounds as if you're near the end of your leave year, might your employer let you take some of next year's in advance?

stormbreaker

If you cant work things out with your employment, think about contacting social services who may be able to offer some kind of assistance.

Debt_Free_Chick

In certain circumstances, you have the right to request "flexible working" - try this tool

Unfortunately though, even if you have a statutory right to ask for it, your employer has no obligation to agree that you can work flexibly. Often, it will simply not be feasible.

Is it necessary that you are 100% at home, all day, every day for three weeks? Do your kids go to school/nursery? If so, could you go into work late having dropped them off, but arrange for friends to collect them and look after them until you return from work? You don't need to impose on one friend - how about a rota covering two or three friends?

Could your wife not have them for a couple of hours after school until you return? Just how incapacitated is she going to be and for how long? Surely her capacity will improve over three weeks, so that you may need quite a bit of help in the first week, less in the second and practically none in the third?

And perhaps you could take your three days leave as one day each week?

It sounds a little as though you expect your employer to do "everything" to enable you to take care of the kids full time for three weeks and I'm not sure that's completely necessary. Even if it were, it's only reasonable that an employer would expect to "share" this responsibility with you and not to have to bear 100% of the burden.

I can understand that it may appear as though you need "three weeks off", but I really doubt that's the case. Perhaps plan what is really required; consider who can help; and then establish exactly what you need from your employer. It may be that 3 days leave plus some arriving late and/or going early might be all that's required - but your employer will want to see a sharing of the burden, so show that you're prepared to do what you can, too.

honeypop

My husband recently had to take time off work to look after me and our new baby, as complications following the birth meant I was bed/chair-bound for 5 weeks, and as we have no family nearby he had to take 3 weeks unpaid leave following the 2 weeks paternity leave. His work offered him to take it as holiday, which we need for later in the year, or as unpaid - we looked into everything and there really is nothing your employer has to do to help you - sorry OP!

That time as unpaid really hit us hard as I am only getting maternity allowance and had saved up for a few months off work, and we had to use some of that money to cover what he lost in earnings and therefore I won't have as much time off now boooo!

One thing that might work though is that the doctor signed my husband off work as it was clear I needed 24 hr help (with a newborn baby as well), he gave a certificate for this and renewed it each week when it was clear I wasn't getting better and able to help myself. OH's work are currently deciding whether to pay him for this time as sick pay seeing as the doctor did give him a certificate to say why he was signed off. If the doctor agrees your wife needs you there constantly, could he do the same for you?

Debt free chick - you say its doubtful that he will 'need' 3 weeks off but you don't know, a 3 week recovery estimate might actually mean 3 weeks of total rest in which case the wife cannot help herself in that time.

zzzLazyDaisy

honeypop wrote: »

One thing that might work though is that the doctor signed my husband off work as it was clear I needed 24 hr help (with a newborn baby as well), he gave a certificate for this and renewed it each week when it was clear I wasn't getting better and able to help myself. OH's work are currently deciding whether to pay him for this time as sick pay seeing as the doctor did give him a certificate to say why he was signed off. .

To qualify for sick leave, it must be normally be the employee who is unfit for work, not a member of his/her family. But if the GP is willing to sign you off sick with stress, then that should be sufficient (your situation sounds pretty stressful!). However that will only help if your employer has a contractual sick pay scheme, otherwise you will only get Statutory Sick Pay.

LittleVoice

honeypop wrote: »

One thing that might work though is that the doctor signed my husband off work as it was clear I needed 24 hr help (with a newborn baby as well), he gave a certificate for this and renewed it each week when it was clear I wasn't getting better and able to help myself.

LD has suggested that the certificate could have mentioned "stress" but if our GPs are handing out sick notes for individuals when it is some other person who is sick then perhaps they need refresher training on what the notes are for. I find this absolutely extraordinary.

zzzLazyDaisy

I am sorry, I did not make myself clear.

IF the stress of the situation ends up also making OP ill, then he may be able to get a sick note from his GP. If his employer has a contractual sick pay scheme this may mean that he is entitled to be paid.

However, if the GP gives him a sick note because he is needed at home owing to his wife's ill health (as has been suggested), that will not entitled him to either SSP or contractual sick pay, as he is not unfit for work owing to his own ill health - and as you say, that is not what sick notes are for.

Oldernotwiser

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

I am sorry, I did not make myself clear.

IF the stress of the situation ends up also making OP ill, then he may be able to get a sick note from his GP. If his employer has a contractual sick pay scheme this may mean that he is entitled to be paid.

However, if the GP gives him a sick note because he is needed at home owing to his wife's ill health (as has been suggested), that will not entitled him to either SSP or contractual sick pay, as he is not unfit for work owing to his own ill health - and as you say, that is not what sick notes are for.

But if the stress of the situation is making someone too ill to work, how are they going to be well enough to look after their wife/children?

I agree with LV that this doctor is behaving in an extraordinary fashion; it shows that they can't all be trusted to be honest when it comes to certificating sick leave!

CrustyMcMuffin

Going in late/leaving early isn't an option due to the distance I live from the office, but that's another story....

I'm really not expecting my employer to 'do everything', I've already asked them what options are available to me with regards to home working, flexi hours etc and I've been told to make a proposal with no input from them about what is likely to be approved. I wanted to see if there was any legislation in place for parents in situations like this, but it appears not. I've already offered to work from home, take some annual leave and if need be take some unpaid leave.

She's only been waiting 6 weeks for the operation, when I booked my holidays for earlier in the year I wasn't aware she'd need an operation.

I'm not quite sure why some of you are getting the impression I am expecting my company to pay me for all the time off. As I've already said I've offered to use up what annual leave I have and/or work from home. The kids are at school and nursery so I can do some hours during the day and some in the evening too but be there in case my wife needs help with anything.

Caroline73_2

CrustyMcMuffin wrote: »

I'm not quite sure why some of you are getting the impression I am expecting my company to pay me for all the time off.

I'll take a wild stab and in the dark and say it was probably this comment,

"I have the option of taking the time off unpaid but that's not really practical due to having things to pay for every month!"