too scared to tell hubby about debts

THE_LONE_RANGER_4

hi basically tell him every thing the lot he should know any way to be honest he is your husband and an adult then when he comes of the ceiling sit down as a couple and sort it out with out consolidateing or secureing any of the debts dont make matters worse ignore all those adds on television about doing such things becouse you will lose in the end and be skint as a couple instead of just you , also get rid of catalogues charge an arm and a leg for crap basically both of you knock down to 1 credit card if you realy need one or get a prepaid one from cash plus does what you need a credit card to do with out bills charges etc knuckle down and like me you will sort it out and be debt free and a lot better off just tell him

scholt

Bunnyinthelights wrote:

Zoopygirl,
I was in the exact siutation as you-except that I owe DOUBLE what you do and my husband didn't know about any of it-I lived a lie for years and was making myself ill from the deception. All I can tell you is that you really MUST tell him. I am doing a DMP with CCCS and paying it all back myself but for the first time in my entire adult life, I am no longer afraid. It was horrible when I told him-we talked about divorce and splitting up and he was naturally devastated BUT now, we are stronger than we have ever been and things are getting sorted. Our relationship is better than it has ever been as well. Don't get me wrong, there are still some REALLY crap days but nothing can compare to the fear, stress and heartache that I was living before.
Feel free to PM me if you want to chat some more.
Bunny

well done - it was really brave thing to do.

The more I think about it OP the more I think you must tell him. Yes you have got yourself into debt but now you are taking control and doing the responsible thing by facing up to them and looking at ways of clearing them. Take it from that angle and he may not have full on admiration for you just yet but I am sure he will in the future.

If it was him in your situation I am sure you would want to know and offer to help/support him.

elona

Whatever you do - do not go to an "agency" like the ones advertised on t.v. - they charge a fee and add to your debt.

There are two free services
Payplan and CCCS and I think some Citizens Advice Bureaus can help as well if they have specially trained debt advisors.

Someone should be along soon to give you more info.

Bunnyinthelights

Thank you Scholt
Not brave really, necessary. But it's done with and I will NEVER use credit again. The only credit I want is a mortgage (and I've messed that up as well, we'll not get a decent rate again for a VERY long time!)

Bottom line is-you're not a bad person, you've just been bad with finances. And that can be sorted. Honest. My DMP started at being over 143 years (lol-you have to laugh or you'd cry!) it's now down to 24 and will be down to 14 years in 2 months-my goal is to have it down to 7 years by the end of the year. If I can do it-ANYONE can!

Good luck,
Bunny

ads_2

If you have a child as one of the replies suggested then have you claimed child tax credit? I'm not 100% sure but I think even with you and your husband's income added together, you should still be eligible for something.

tesuhoha

Why dont you try that Payplan that everyone is talking about. It sounds pretty good. Im sure someone will tell you more about it.

sikejsudjek

zoopygirl wrote:

OK big deep breath here goes, this is the information I have at the minute

Monthly Incomings:

My salary - £778
Partners salary - £1300
Benefits - £68

Total - £2146

Monthly Outgoings:

Mortgage/Rent - £180
Council Tax - £89
Gas - £25
Electric - £35
TV License - £10.99
Sky £45.99
Phone - £35.40
Food - £300
Car Insurance - £30
Petrol - £80
Life Insurance £20
Mobile phone - £32.50

total - 781.88

Total Debts

Credit Card - £8000 APR 29%
Tesco Loan - £14000 APR 8.9% 6 years left
Argos Card - £1200 APR 29%
Catalogues -£500
Overdraft - £1750


Total: £25,450

I could be sick looking at all of that, I am desperate to get out of debt I dread letters coming through the door and hide them from my hubby. I will try and muster the courage to talk to him about it but he is so good with money I'm frightened he won't understand. I'm going to look for the thread from the other lady with the same problem. Thank you all so much for your support x

Well I'm not a debt expert but here are a few things I've done/ideas you could look at. Note these are only suggestions !

First tell your husband. Most of the savings can't be done without him knowing, so appart from the strain you will put yourself under if you don't tell him, sorting this out will probably need his support. Plus you health and marriage is more important than debt.

TV - ditch sky. Get Freeview or if that isn't available freesat. If its movies you want, try dvd free offers and get free films for a year by being a dvd rental tart ! Make sure you cancell before they start charging...
Saving £540/yr.

Phone - consider Talk Talk if you need internet, or BT and sign up with Primus saver option 2 plus use dialler box with 1899 etc. See moneysaver forums on phone deals.
Saving probably about £200 - £250/yr

Life Insurance - is this really the cheapest ? Try looking around for a better deal. Every penny counts. Likewise car and house insurance - shop around each year, don't renew automatically - I saved 50% on my insurance doing this. Most firms seem to offer only good deals to new customers... Savings - unless you already have the cheapest could be several hundred pounds.

Mobile phone - £390/yr - do you really need this ? Find out what you can go without, then look for the cheapest deal for what you really need.

Food - if you don't already check out value/ supermarket own brands. Find the ones that are good quality and see if you can knock off £50/month off your outgoings. Saving £600/yr. (I'm even growing my own vegetables but that is a bit extreme !)

Audit all your expediture for a month - see what you can get rid of or do more cheaply. You'll be amazed at how much can be saved without too much pain. I was spending £80 on takeaways which was almost a grand a year... no more !

Credit cards - cut them up. Likewise get rid of cataloges. Consider using George in Asda !

Potential saving might be £1500/yr. Use this to pay off debt. Get rid of the high apr debts first. Talk to citizens advice centre about options for this. DO NOT go to the scam firms who add yet more debt and give crap advice. You must find a way to get these debts at a lower apr as a priority.

Hope these ideas help.

linniestorm

Well done for sitting down and setting your mind to tackling it zoopygirl!

I know it must be scary to think about letting your husband know about all this, but he sounds like a nice chap and he'd probably feel worse that you thought you couldn't confide in him than if you did (if you see what I mean!) I think a couple of people have actually shown their OH's the thread they've written on mse.com after telling them, which would also show him you're serious about tackling it, so that might be something to consider?

Also, the part that jumped out at me with big flashing lights from your posts earlier on was where you said you sometimes (and is it sometimes, or more often than not!) pay bills late. I think this is something to tackle straight away, although I know you've said you're finding it hard to meet the minimums, you must try to pay them on time!! Set up a direct debit for the minimums on them all, and then when you've got your snowballing worked out, pay the extra on the highest apr first and so on.

If you're missing the payment date each month I'm assuming you're getting charged for it and that'll make it really hard to make a dent in your outstanding amounts. I've been there last year where I missed a few months on the trot on a card and ended up paying £100 until I got back to the amount I was at before I missed the payments, therefore literally wasting £100!!

So along with all the great ideas you've already had make sure those dd's for the minimums are set up and paid on time, therefore ensuring you don't waste any money through charges, then you can use the excess from the savings to start throwing at those outstanding amounts.

Best of luck!!! :T

zoopygirl

Thank you for all the good suggestions, I am going to sit down tonight and work out how much I can cut down on. I'll let you know what I come up with. I have 2 children 16 and 20 1 still at school one on the dole which doesn't help as I was getting maintentance of £200 per month and just didn't budget for the loss of that! I am pushing hard for my son to get a job as the £20 he contributes a month does not pay for half of the food, electric etc that he uses!

I'll let you know how things go I'm trying to try and get the courage to tell him in the next few days

thanks for all your support

Little_Miss_Winner

Hi zoopygirl,

You MUST keep posting to let us know how you get on. The support on these boards is amazing, and we will well have you on the road to debt-free in no time!

Hugs
pot