The Blonde-crazy-cat lady-book club-odd bit of MSE-thread part 5

**confuzzled**

Pay etc is on their website......will pm you who it is coz I don't want to be classed as advertising before I've even started:eek:

Have a look on the 'Up Your Income' board lots of info on the 'saucy jobs' thread:D

laura2481

**confuzzled** wrote: »

Afraid so:o:p:rotfl: hey it's money for old rope and if I'm any good I'll be raking it in:rotfl::rotfl:

:rotfl:i've considered it but I don't think I'd have the imagination :rotfl:
Good luck anyways- you'll have to tell us about it tomoz.

**confuzzled**

laura2481 wrote: »

:rotfl:i've considered it but I don't think I'd have the imagination :rotfl:
Good luck anyways- you'll have to tell us about it tomoz.

I know what you mean, but it's needs must at the moment...DHs hours haven't picked up as of yet but has been told they'll go back to full time before xmas just don't know how 'before' thats gonna be:rolleyes:

Will deffo let you know how it goes though :D

princess_shopoholic

Well im back, that was the scariest thing ever. she seems nice and it was definatley easier with her there than without but still was so awkward and strained. I wish i could turn back time and i would leave well alone, i feel like all ive done is ruin everyones lives and for what? im not even getting anything out of it, no one is so why have i dont this? i dont mean to be all depressing but i really wish i hadnt been born my life is an incovenience to everyone. oh and i was trying to make conversation so i mentioned working tomorow and having to get up at 7 to get the bus and it must have sounded like i was hinting because hes just text asking if i want a life at 9 instead. i dont want him to think im after lifts or money though and i have decided i cant tell my mum i really cant so i either lead a double life, or just never see him again. sorry to keep moaning but i have no one to talk to and i dont know what to do anymore. what a mess.
x

ebonylight

Hah can't beleive I know someone who's registered on a dirty chat line :rotfl:Let us know how it goes I'm all ears!!

Princess - don't beat yourself up. If you still don't feel any connection to your father and you really don't want to take your relationship with them any further, just make the decision and explain you don't want to be a big part of his life. It's nice that he's interested enough in you to introduce you to his new family but be selfish about it and think about what's the most important thing to you.

I am worried you're getting yourself worked up about nothing though. Of course your mum will react to the news but you might find that she comes round and realises you have a right to know where you came from if you want to. She is going to feel really awful if it "comes out in the wash" eg your dad turns up at your house to pick you up or something..... besides you're a grown woman and she needs to see that for herself. Explain you won't be any less her baby, just that you're living your own life and this is part of it.

Oh hun wish I could come and hug you xx

rupe34

Princess - I'm getting a little worried about you dude. You aren't ruining anyone's life and you have a right to a relationship with your dad if that is what you want. If he has offered you a lift, he probably sees it as a way natural way to help you. I bet he is feeling just as awkward as you - and probably is nervous of doing the wrong thing!

Keeping talking to us - and you are NOT an inconvenience to anybody - least of all your family. x

**confuzzled**

Princess of course it's going to be strained, it's an awkward situation for everyone, it will ease with time and once you get to know each other a bit more:)
And you are getting something out of it, you're getting to know your biological father...isn't that what you wanted?
You probably didn't sound like you were hinting, your dad may have offered you the lift to get the chance to spend a little more time together and as it'll only be a short space of time it might even be less awkward.....or if he's a typical bloke, his wife told him to:p besides you don't have to say yes, you can just get the bus like you had planned!

As for your Mum it's up to you if you tell her but in my experience it's always best to upfront, you don't know if there'll be any knock-on effects like friend saying to her "I just say your daughter in a cafe talking to an older couple" then your Mum jumping to conclusions that you're having a 3some with some dodger older couple to spice up their sex life:rotfl:
Seriously it's upto you, but think you need to have a big think about if you want to carry on getting to know your Dad if not, cut off all contact as soon as nd explain the situation to him! And if you want to carry on seeing him then you need to grow some cahonies and tell your Mum.

Sorry if any of this sounds harsh Leo I don't intend it that way:( xx


Now, if anyone else wants a stern talking to just holler;):)

princess_shopoholic

thanks eebie. just realised have forgot to pm you back will do so now.

i hear what you are saying and i worry that i am over reacting but i feel sick to my stomach when i think about it. right now just talking about telling her is making my heart pound so bad i feel like its going to fall out of my chest. i just cant handle this stress anymore my whole life has been full of lies and deceit and i dont know who to trust or turn to anymore. the first and last time i found him i found out i had been told a LOT of horrible lies by her about him and it got so bad i couldnt be near her, so i left and didnt speak to her for months it was only because he decided he didnt want to know that things got ok again, and i dont want things to be bad again because even though shes made some terrible parenting decisions shes still my mum and i love her and i dont want to think about all the lies ive been told by her because it makes me angry at her and i dont want to be angry at her coz i love her but if i tell her it will amke me think about it and bring it all back again.

i realising im babbling but im freaking out.

i need a hug or a drink or a new pair of shoes but i cant get any. nice.

anyway enough about me.......... x

princess_shopoholic

gonna stop talking about myself now.someone step in please

ebonylight

Ok. Shoes? Noooo. But I would suggest taking five minutes to get yourself a cuppa tea, some maltesers and chill

Your mum is your mum, that is true but lying about your father to keep you from meeting him was her bad choice not yours. Therefore you shouldn't feel guilty about going ahead and contacting him anyway.

You've mentioned in the past you moved out and felt bad and moved back. Maybe what you need to do is move out and still be on good terms - telling her about him will be a big way to solve this - it will get it all out in the open before you leave. If she found out after she might feel you ran away instead of telling her. I know it hurts hun but you really need to tell your mum - I suspect she feels the same way - you're her daughter and she loves you no matter what - she doesn't have any reason to be mad at you.

Gonna PM back now but you'll be ok hun, promise xx