Rant about family

OrangeProse

Dude, I feel your pain. Sounds a bit like my brother and I when we were both living at home.

It's rough at 18 because a lot of people will still see you as a kid, despite the fact that it sounds like you've got your head screwed on better than most of the other people living in your house.

It's not really about 'manning up' (I hate that phrase) - if you're not an argumentative or confrontational person that's just who you are. This is important - you're not any less of a man just because you're not bolshy with people. Thinking that you need to turn into Charles Bronson overnight to deal with your family isn't going to help you, it'll just cause you stress.

However as many have suggested there are ways to put boundaries in place to ensure that you don't get taken advantage of. Assertiveness training can be helpful, as can getting out and about and doing stuff for you. If you can work out and decide on a set of boundaries for yourself about this sort of stuff it actually reduces the stress you feel considerably as you always know what you've allowed yourself to do in any given situation (I had several therapy sessions at £60 an hour to work that one out, you can have it for free ).

With family, and indeed friends, I've always stood by the rule 'never a borrower nor a lender be'. If you look at it logically and dispassionately, why should you stump up for other people's flights/cleaning/parties etc? Clearly you don't get any thanks for it, and you certainly don't see the money back. So stop lending it. All it's doing is denting your ability to save for your future.

In terms of the parties, sadly the realistic answer is that it's not really within your power to stop him. That would be your mum's job and if she's not doing that, or is being ignored, you have to find a creative way around it.

Why not get selfish. Put a padlock onto your bedroom door that only you have the key for and lock it whenever you're not there. You have the right to keep your belongings free of interference. You should be able to get something at B&Q or Homebase or a local hardware store for not much money. Don't worry about them going into your mum's room - that's her problem. She can buy a padlock too if she's worried but it's not your responsibility.

Have you got any sympathetic friends who would put you up the odd night when he decides he's going to recreate Creamfields in your cul-de-sac? You see I actually think that getting out of the house whilst the party's on is quite a good idea but not if it's costing you £50 a time in a Travel Tavern (how stingy are they with the teabags, by the way? Shocking )

One thing I would say - just my opinion but I wouldn't get into a tit-for-tat revenge thing with him. No-one comes out of those kind of things well. You won't really feel any better if you trash his iPod or get drunk and throw up in his Nikes, trust me. Been there.

Sorry, this has turned into a bit of an epic. I just felt your pain and empathised! You sound like a thoroughly decent guy, by the way. Nothing - absolutely nothing - you are saying is unreasonable. You just need to remember that you have rights as well, and work out mature ways of standing up for them when everyone else is being completely immature and unreasonable.

TotallyBroke

Next time your Brother has a party get up early the next morning, do some cleaning and blast music as loud as you can. Get the lazy little s**t up out of bed helping. Give him the choice then, he can be more considerate to you or not. But whatever he chooses will have consequences.

Go out, have a few drinks and then you too come home and party. Invade his room and space, spill things on his bed etc and tell him the same as above.
There are choices and consequences in life. If you choose to behave like this then the consequence is for me to do the same. If you choose not to then the consequence is everyone in the house will be happy.

Do not leave your home without first putting a lock on both your room and your Mother's.

jackiegibbo

i wouldnt clean up the mess i would dump it in the brothers room,and i wouldnt ring your mum when hes being a pain as its not helping.
I think perhaps your mum knows you will do all the cleaning up,i would leave it for her to sort when she gets back and things will be cleared up VERY quickly with the brother.

Good luck with university

RAS

Do I remember this sort of stuff - once locked DB out of every room in the house except the kitchen, bathroom and his bedroom because he was wrecking the place when out mother was away.

Put a lock on your door, keep your food in there, refuse to cook for him and fix up to spend time with some mates.

Then if he parties, as other said, get up at 8am and make a huge row with the hoover, TV, drill (if you have one) etc so that everyone is woken up and wants to get out ASAP.

Katie-Kat-Kins

chatnoir wrote: »

The more you moan at them the less they will listen and the more they will do there own thing. Just play them at there own game...if your brother is up all night with friends he must be sleeping in quite late in the morning...play some music really load....have a friend come round and sleep in his bed. Any rubbish he leaves behind put it in black sacks and then dump it on his bed!

Why bother with black sacks?????? Just makes it easier to move!!!

Katie-Kat-Kins

Does your brother have a job or does he get pocket money?

If he gets pocket money from your mum ask her to deduct the cost of your tie and any other damage from that. If he earns his own just wait until he is comatose next and take some decent stuff from his room (TV, x-box etc) put it in your locked room and tell him you are selling it on ebay to pay for the damage he has done to your stuff.

Don't let him walk on you. Don't stoop to his level but do make things unpleasent for him while he is being such and !!!!!.

Oh and next time he has a party, make him give you the money for the travel lodge or else you will be at the party with "your mate the copper" or you will be bolting the door from the inside or whatever to stop the party.

Once you are out of the house, call the police and report an out of hand party/noise nuisence

TheEffect

Thanks for all the replies. I've just got in from the pub. Had an awesome night with some friends. When I got back, no one was at home, at the iron was LEFT ON, on the ironing board.

I txted my brother saying 'You left the iron on. You're lucky the house hasn't burnt down'.

What idiot leaves an iron on? It's probably been on for a good 5 hours...

I'm pretty drunk, so I'm off to bed.

Money_maker

Glad you had a good night last night - what a wally your bro is!

Suggest you reread OrangeProse's post, some really good suggestions on there.

I actually thought you were female til you mentioned that you were a bloke. You actually sound really nice. Don't change too much, just make sure folks don't take liberties and never lend to anyone ever again.

Good luck.

TheEffect

Little and behold, £200 turned up in my account this morning from my cousin. My mum txted me and said she's made her pay it in.

Skippycat

TheEffect wrote: »

Little and behold, £200 turned up in my account this morning from my cousin. My mum txted me and said she's made her pay it in.

Glad to hear you got the money back in the end. Your cousin's attitude is absolutely awful though.....