What would you advise?

mumhug

Maz wrote: »

Keep the dog, bin the bloke. He sounds like a nob to me.

I agree I think she sounds horrible nothing to do with the dog but the womans attitude sounds awful. It doesnt sound like a very loving relationship.

PrincessPlaty

BettyDebt wrote: »

Do you know what I think her own flat idea is a great idea. A bit of space apart might actually make her see reality and distance herself a bit from the drama of it all. Then she might be able to see the partner for what she is. It really does sound like she is being used but when you cannot see it for yourself, no amount of hearing it from someone else will make you see it. I hope the flat works out for her and then everything else fall in place after that!

Me too!! As i said to her the last thing that i would want is that she gets rid of the dog and then next week or the week after it is something else and she ends up on her own with nothing and no dog to boot.

Tbh i was starting to think that maybe it was just me seeing it this way so im actually really glad i posted this makes me feel a bit more comfortable saying things to her at least now i know im not imagining it!! :rotfl:

I do really feel for her i know she loves her partner and she loves the kids to bits so i know that it is going to be incredibly hard for her to do this, but hopefully if she does it might just make her see her partner for what she is really doing.

floss2

If she DOES move into a flat on her own, your friend needs to think hard about whether she can continue to subsidise her partner's finances.

PrincessPlaty

floss2 wrote: »

If she DOES move into a flat on her own, your friend needs to think hard about whether she can continue to subsidise her partner's finances.

Thats a good point however i have got a feeling that if she does move out her partner will go back onto benefits and claim housing benefit so that the rent gets paid anyway :rolleyes:

The flat is £400 a month so she will be able to afford that out of her wages easily that is aslong as she is not paying off her partners debts :rolleyes:

lostinrates

PrincessPlaty wrote: »

...
Tbh i was starting to think that maybe it was just me seeing it this way so im actually really glad i posted this makes me feel a bit more comfortable saying things to her at least now i know im not imagining it!! :rotfl:

I do really feel for her i know she loves her partner and she loves the kids to bits so i know that it is going to be incredibly hard for her to do this, but hopefully if she does it might just make her see her partner for what she is really doing.

The thing is...I would try to say as little as possible, if it were me. Your friend needs to be having these cnversations with her partner: other wise there is little hope of anything other than the on/off relationship she has. While she is talking to you with better more open conversation than with her partner I think its unlikely it will get better for either of them.

I would never lie to a friend but I have askd friends not to put me in a position where I feel asked to cross the line and share an opinion that has no place in their rrlationship with their partners. Its extremely tough to say and harder to stick too, but I think the most helpful thing one can do.

PrincessPlaty

lostinrates wrote: »

The thing is...I would try to say as little as possible, if it were me. Your friend needs to be having these cnversations with her partner: other wise there is little hope of anything other than the on/off relationship she has. While she is talking to you with better more open conversation than with her partner I think its unlikely it will get better for either of them.

I would never lie to a friend but I have askd friends not to put me in a position where I feel asked to cross the line and share an opinion that has no place in their rrlationship with their partners. Its extremely tough to say and harder to stick too, but I think the most helpful thing one can do.

I do agree with you its very hard to do when she is coming to me for advice and i dont know what to say though, she has tried talking to her partner several times since last night and her partner wont even discuss anything with her it cant be helping the situation!!

lostinrates

PrincessPlaty wrote: »

i dont know what to say though,

Friend: I don't know what to do, she's using me, I love my dog etc etc


Princess: I think you are a wonderful friend, I hate to see you suffering and wish I could help: but I can't.

Friend: just talking to you helps, and you cn tell me what you think I make my own decisions but I need perspective from outside (or similar)

Princess: why? nobody outside is IN your relationship. If I say anything it would be inappropriate and unnecessary. The only person who really has anyright to interject is someone you both seek help from, why don't you chat to your partner about relate or something like that. I do care for you so much, but I care for you enough not to risk or damage our friendship.

Pee

Take legal advice. My understanding is being in a civil partnership is the same as a marriage and there will be a duty by both parties to maintain the other, in this case for your friend to maintain the partner.

I agree with LostinRates, though, whilst it's one thing for you to be airing on here, noone gets thanked for intervening in another's relationship, no matter what the problems.

seven-day-weekend

I would get rid of the partner rather than the dog.

If they've broken up three times since June, it doesn't bode well for a long and happy relationship.