What would you advise?

PrincessPlaty

lostinrates wrote: »

Second child is sven months old and yet came as part of the deal with the partner, suggesting that this is a very young and rushed relationship? Or have I got that wrong? If not it may have been a case of acting in haste and repenting at leisure

As a dog lover, I'd never trust small children alone in a room with a dog (or vie versa) let alone a grumpy dog.

The other stuff...paying for everything etc, is no different to many perhaps the majority of relationships where there are children of the age where a mother is at home/working parttime.

The relationship has been there for a few years how ever it has been very on and off throughout the whole time with her partner getting into new relationships on the off parts resulting in the 7month old child.

Tbh i dont know why they got married and i know that sounds bad but from what i have seen for myself and what happened previously to them getting married im not overly sure what grounds they got married on :eek:

As for the paying for everything yes i agree with you the problem is that these things she has already paid for once theoretically but they havent actually been paid so she is now paying them again to keep a roof over their heads because the council are threatening to evict them.

Maz

Keep the dog, bin the bloke. He sounds like a nob to me.

PrincessPlaty

Maz wrote: »

Keep the dog, bin the bloke. He sounds like a nob to me.

I think you mean she :rotfl: my friend is in a civil partnership :rotfl:

floss2

Is the tenancy in joint names? If not, then I personally would check that your friend is actually liable for the arrears even though civil partnered. It only takes a quick phone clal - maybe under the guise of checking the exact arrears balance and asking "oh by the way, whose name is this in, and does that mean it is only her who is liable?"

Pee

Giving up a council flat is a big financial decision.

It sounds like your friend is in love and that to a certain extent this younger woman may be taking advantage of her, the trouble is that your friend is legally attached to her and will have to take legal advice as to how and when she can get out. Whatever the divorce proceedings are called, they will have to be in a civil partnership for a year before they can be commenced.

Does your friend love this other woman? And how does the other woman feel about your close friendship? I could see that it might be perceived as threatening. I wouldn't get rid of a dog because someone didn't like it. It's harder when the dog has been accused of biting someone. If I was her, I'd take legal advice on the maintenance required if I moved out with the dog somewhere else and continued the relationship with a bit of space. If this worked out, the next step might be a bigger place to live or a bigger place so the partner and family can stay over.

I doubt that your friend wants a pretty girlfriend and her pretty girlfriend wants a sugar mummy to pay the bills. It's not very nice to think of it like that, but it happens all the time, in hetrosexual as well as same sex relationships.

Reds-on-Sea

There are other issues at work here regarding the relationship, but I just recently heard of a friend's lovely Jack Russell attacking his owner out of the blue, so badly that she had to have him put down. He bit her neck. I've heard it's quite common with Jack Russells to turn nasty, something to do with tumours....? If it were me, I'm afraid the dog would have to go, sad as it is.

PrincessPlaty

No the tenancy is not in joint names it is in her partners name only.

Pee i think you may have hit the nail on the head to some extent my friend loves her unconditionally, though she did say last night that she wishes that she had never got married as it would be easier to walk away. It certainly seems that there is definatly more taking than there is giving from the otherside.

Her partner isnt bothered by my friendship with her, though there is issues with other friends that she has, she is still friends with an ex girlfriend of hers they do get on really well (i actually used to live nextdoor to them both which is how i met them) i know her partner has a great deal of trust issues thinking that my friend is going to go off with her again despite the fact this ex is in a relationship herself. I guess she may be judging her by her standards.

Reds i do know what you mean i had a young jack russell last year and had to get him rehomed due to him nipping the kids, i just find it hard to believe when her partner wasnt in the room, left a 7month old crawling round the room unattended and the dog was in the kitchen behind a closed stairgate yet he is being accused of this.

My friend seems to think that her partner has been looking for an excuse for the dog to go and now she is using this as it.

We dont seem to be getting very far with getting the dog rehomed neither it would appear that not many people want an 8 year old tempremental jack russell which i cant say i blame them with the reputation that jacks have but he really is a lovely little dog

BettyDebt

The dog isn't the issue. Like others have said it's just an excuse. Imagine rehoming it and then ending up alone anyway and knowing you gave up your pet for someone that had no intention of sticking it out? There is a lot more to this as you already know. I wouldn't rehome the dog personally but then my dogs are my babies.

PrincessPlaty

I have actually just got off the phone to her and said just that. It was only 2 weeks ago or so that she was ringing me up in tears saying that they had split up her partner was accusing her of treating her like dirt and not doing anything ~ my friend works 50+ hours a week and the only time she does have off she spends looking after her partners kids so that her partner can do the things she wants to do!! :rolleyes: I just said to her is she sure that this isnt just another one of these things as her partner seems to be doing it regularly and she did admit that she hadnt looked at it like that.

She is looking into the possibility of moving herself and the dog into a 1 bed flat with a garden she is going to look at it on sunday, so il be keeping my fingers crossed for that!
She has just come out with to me though what sort of marraige would i have if we cant even live in the same house together though, obviously its not something that i can answer! I asked her what her partner thought about the idea and apparently she is in agreement to it so that she doesnt have to find a new home for the dog

BettyDebt

PrincessPlaty wrote: »

I have actually just got off the phone to her and said just that. It was only 2 weeks ago or so that she was ringing me up in tears saying that they had split up her partner was accusing her of treating her like dirt and not doing anything ~ my friend works 50+ hours a week and the only time she does have off she spends looking after her partners kids so that her partner can do the things she wants to do!! :rolleyes: I just said to her is she sure that this isnt just another one of these things as her partner seems to be doing it regularly and she did admit that she hadnt looked at it like that.

She is looking into the possibility of moving herself and the dog into a 1 bed flat with a garden she is going to look at it on sunday, so il be keeping my fingers crossed for that!
She has just come out with to me though what sort of marraige would i have if we cant even live in the same house together though, obviously its not something that i can answer! I asked her what her partner thought about the idea and apparently she is in agreement to it so that she doesnt have to find a new home for the dog

Do you know what I think her own flat idea is a great idea. A bit of space apart might actually make her see reality and distance herself a bit from the drama of it all. Then she might be able to see the partner for what she is. It really does sound like she is being used but when you cannot see it for yourself, no amount of hearing it from someone else will make you see it. I hope the flat works out for her and then everything else fall in place after that!