How do deal with colleagues who you have nothing in common with?

BritRael

Aren't there any football fans? If you're in Durham there should be a few Newcastle fans, so at least you'll be able to empathise with their situation

In fact, we might even be playing them next season!

myothercarisaferrari

I have a similar problem at work and totally sympathise!

I work in a team of 9 and I dont have anything in common with them. They all live fairly local to work, I dont, so they socialise every other night after work, I don't and they have conversations and don't include me (although I do speak to them!)

There is one girl who has made it clear she doesnt like me and I don't know what I have done. She excludes me from brew rounds (:rolleyes:), grunts or gives me one word answers when I ask her something etc and tends to disagree with everything I saw.

I sit with a boy and girl who have secret chats and giggles and it makes me feel so uncomfortable.

To be honest I try not to let it affect me but it is hard and I am hoping that I will able to move to another department soon:cool:

wigglebeena

There's a few people on this thread I wouldn't want to work with.

wigglebeena

myothercarisaferrari wrote: »

She excludes me from brew rounds (:rolleyes:),

Pig-ignorant, that is.

janninew

myothercarisaferrari wrote: »

I have a similar problem at work and totally sympathise!

I work in a team of 9 and I dont have anything in common with them. They all live fairly local to work, I dont, so they socialise every other night after work, I don't and they have conversations and don't include me (although I do speak to them!)

There is one girl who has made it clear she doesnt like me and I don't know what I have done. She excludes me from brew rounds (:rolleyes:), grunts or gives me one word answers when I ask her something etc and tends to disagree with everything I saw.

I sit with a boy and girl who have secret chats and giggles and it makes me feel so uncomfortable.

To be honest I try not to let it affect me but it is hard and I am hoping that I will able to move to another department soon:cool:

Its not a pleasant environment to work in, i have a similar problem where i work. One of the girls doesn't like me and won't talk to me and always excludes me. I have spoken to my manager about her and he said she's jealous because i'm thinner and younger than she is! How pathetic, but it doesn't really bother me as i get on well with the rest of the staff and she has a reputation for being a cow!

I think we have to accept that we can't get on with everybody, but as long as your polite and professional thats the main thing!

bristol_pilot

Your workmates are not your friends, so don't expect them to be. Just be polite, professional and friendly to everyone at work. You don't have to socialise with them outside work at all if you don't want to.

pandora205

I agree with bristol pilot - this is work not a social life in itself, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. People are basically the same the world over, with similar worries and anxieties despite differences in life style. The 'fun' loving, heavy drinking is probably only part of people's lives. They will be having the usual ups and downs of relationships, illnesses, family problems, etc. so I expect its only a matter of time before you see a more complex side and the conversation becomes easier to relate to.

Even if you don't have much in common, you could try making conversation about trivial stuff - favourite foods, what you watch on television, the weather, pets, a funny thing that happened on the way to work, etc. It doesn't have to be deep and meaningful stuff.

Failing that, take in a cake or some biscuits for no particular reason than it's monday/friday - that would be a positive way to get others appreciating you.

Mips

SueSueSue wrote: »

You are a snob and you seem to be the problem

No, she isn't a snob. If she doesn't snort coke at weekends, and doesn't drink shots until she vomits in her shoes, then why should she wish to partake in conversations as such?

cazziebo

It is early days and the group will be all trying to find "common ground" . Give it a bit longer and more real personality and character will emerge. Often it's the case that those who are the loudest and most outspoken in the beginning,end up as the outcasts. (Heard of the Storming, Forming, Norming,Performing theory of team development - you're in the storming phase- everyone vying for position)

You do not have to like these people - you only have to get along with them. Don't judge,just accept these are your workmates and you will spend 7 hours per day with them. Individuals might irritate/annoy/repulse you - so what,you are paid to spend time with them.

If this is still an issue in 6 or 12 months time, that's when it's a problem. Hopefully it will settle down well before then.

(SueSueSue - just exactly where do you get off being so insulting and negative?)

venus_in_furs

I know how you feel, i am not a big drinker at all. One night a month is good for me!! Even then i don't drink loads! My hangovers are not worth the trouble! Feel like me head is falling off!

Maybe arranging nights together every so often were you don't drink...like going the cinema or just for a meal? So you don't feel completely separate from them?

I had a similar situation in my last job. Everyone was at least 12 years older than me, (the second youngest was 34) most in their 40s and above. Which is fine and i did get on with them but they all had families and i couldn't relate to all of that (not yet, anyway!) I found it quite isolating and even though i tried to get to know them better they all assumed i was some young airhead and treated me like a child. I eventually cracked them by going to a meal with them and having a real conversation with them outside of work. It was then that they discovered i had a lot more to me and i got to know a bit more of their interests outside of work and family. I discovered a few had similar music tastes to me and another was interested in art and painting like me etc

We all started to get along a lot better then and had interesting things to talk about during work time.

Maybe the people you work with only talk about going out and drinking as they have yet to really get to know one another? So they pick on one subject they are all reasonably interested in? I think as time goes by and people get to know each other they will all start to revel the people behind the binge drinking facades! lol!