How do deal with colleagues who you have nothing in common with?

lufcgirl

I just started a new job last Monday. Well I say new, I used to work for the company some five years back till they shut my site down and now I work at the other site. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to blend in there and also hold a conversation with my new colleagues.

The job is in a call centre, theres fourteen of us in a training group, ages ranging from 18 up to 36 (I think). The trainer is early twenties, I'm 25. The group seems to be dividing itself up more and more and I'm in no mans land! The first day, it became apparent nobody liked one person. He'd worked there and only just left one department because he says his manager and him didn't get on. It's not hard to see why people dislike him at all. He's obnoxious, rude and makes sure that everyone and his wife knows that he knows things about the company.

The rest of the people seem to think that drinking is the be all and end all of life...and constantly talk about going out, getting drunk etc. Whereas I'm just not like that. I'm all for a night out once a month or so, but some of them are coming in every day so far hungover from the night before. Also one guy, who is around 30, is the cheesiest, smarmiest idiot I have ever met. He's given himself a nickname based on a comment by someone in the group and thinks he's brilliant for it. Tries to crack a joke at every opportunity yet most of them are perverse. I'm sure he's told his girlfriend he has a more senior job than what it is, as he's coming in in a suit and tie every day and dressing down on a Friday as if it's dress down day! (It's casual clothes always there)

Don't get me wrong, theres a couple of people I can hold a conversation with and seem ok. The worst part was during call listening I saw one of my friends from my first time there on department having a great time, and I was sat there wishing it could be like that again for me. I know I'm going to be sitting near all these people when I go on department and I'm trying my best to make an effort with them. Like I'll listen to their conversations and try to comment, but when I have no experience of what it's like to be arrested, be found drunk on street corners or boast about everything in my life I'm finding it a little hard! I spend my time at home, I fly over to see my OH every week or so in Ireland, go out once a month and spend time with my friends...just not drinking!

Does anyone have any tips on how to integrate myself more with the group? I don't want to feel alienated at all, yet I just don't seem to have anything in common with most of these...and dislike a couple of their attitudes.

ailuro2

Sounds like you're good material for management then- you wouldn't have a problem separating yourself from the group which is always necessary to manage well.;)

Be polite, find things to do at lunchtime so you don't have to share their stories, but try to keep a couple of the less obnoxious ones on side, as it's good to keep your ear to the ground for what's happening elsewhere in the company, to keep your ears open for a move.

Smits

If you dont want to feel isolated its you who needs to make more of an effort to actually like or at least get along with them. If you dont like them and dont plan on changing your mind, it isnt going to change much.

Otherwise, you just have to keep with the people you can talk to, and dont stick with the ones you dont like for long periods.

lufcgirl

It's not a case of me making an effort, as I do listen to their conversations and attempt to join in. However when you have no experience of the situation and (maybe it's just me being a snob or whatever) find the conversation veering towards drink, drugs and being arrested I tend to switch off. Most conversations go this way.

I have friends there, one who has just got back from travelling and another who used to do a much more rewarding career than just call centre. If I wanted to segregate myself I would with those two as they are intellectually on my level, however I do want to make an effort to integrate more into the group hence my post asking for advice!

tomstickland

I'd say to just make it clear that you are happy to talk to people, but if you really have very little in common don't feel bad about it. Maybe there are just not your sort of person. Otherwise, if you really want to join in then go out drinking with them every now and again.

Comyface

Hopefully they'll have something else in their lives other than drinking (fingers crossed, lol!) so how about trying to start a conversation yourself about something you're interested in and seeing if any of them join in?

'What did you think of so-and-so on the X-Factor' or 'I've just booked a holiday to _______, anyone been there? What's it like?' or 'Does anyone use that marvellous site MSE?' (lol).

You know, something that's personal to you. Hopefully you'll find some common ground that way. Good luck anyway, work's always easier when you get on well with your co-workers.

DCFC79

You can only try to join in the converstaion, i do understand how hard it is, if you ahve nothing in common or dont like the person then whats the point

ferien_uk

My advice is to give it time. Once you find more about the people, you might discover you have more in common than you think. Perceptions can change over time, and sometimes people grow on you.

crawley_girl

I like the suggestions made by Comyface and ferien_uk - try and find some common ground and give it some time. It can be hard and akward in new groups, especially when people seem to have formed their groups. I would definately bet that there are also some people within that group are bored of talking about drink, drugs etc etc and are waiting to break free from the smarmy, obnoxious man and the others!

Is it worth speaking to the trainer about this? Maybe it isn't worth the risk but perhaps if s/he were aware then perhaps it would be possible to mix people up in group work etc - just an idea. As a trainer, if someone approached me with those concerns then I would try to make it easier and try some 'ice-breaker' activities (yes - i know - we all hate them! - but it provides an opportunity to get to know different people and their likes and dislikes - another opportunity to find a common ground)

Good luck

:heartpuls CG :heartpuls

generaloneill

Ok, find something your interested in and YOU start the conversations then. Read the top stories and comment on them and debate them, read the problem pages and have a laugh, read questions from the crossword, even the easy ones, more chances of getting replies. Good luck.

chome4

Think you've got it bad? I have the same with members of my family!!

I spend time reading and conversing with mates. My family, because of free local phone calls, spend hours a day chatting about rubbish.

Whether it's family or workmates, it's a reflection of the dumbing-down of society.