Helping mum sort her funeral and will :(

lindos90

OK, here goes.... in the wake of my poor husband loosing both his parents suddenly within a few months, my 73 year old mum has decided to 'get her house in order' and has asked me to find out a few things for her.

She has apologised to me, as it is very difficult to discuss this sort of thing, but wants me to help. She also loves Martin Lewis, im always telling her about little gems I find on the forum. If she had a PC and her eyesight was better, she would be on here herself im sure!

Anyway, my mum wants to pay in advance for her funeral, and sort a will out, she wants no fuss, and to do it on a budget.

Can anyone give me any advice where to start?

Savvy_Sue

I'd encourage her to start by writing down informally what she wants, because it will save time and money if she's thought about it, and it's not the sort of thing you want to rush.

there's no article specifically on funeral plans, so shopping around for those would be necessary. But if she's already written down what she wants: type of coffin / cremation / burial / green burial and so on, then it's easier not to be pressurised into paying out for things she doesn't want.

As for the will, it's wise to consult a professional, but make sure it is a professional, ie someone who has trained in will-writing and probate rather than a jobbing solicitor who does the odd will but hasn't done a refresher course since qualifying 40 years ago. At this point she will save money if she has written down what she wants, in broad terms, leaving the solicitor to clarify any details.

And good on her. You may find as you discuss why she wants what she wants that you revive good memories!

margaretclare

I agree with SavvySue. It's essential to 'have your house in order' at any age because none of us knows when our time will come. While every funeral is distressing and difficult for those most closely-concerned, there is a certain comfort in knowing that you're doing what the deceased wanted, even down to which hymns, or no hymns, what kind of flowers, or no flowers etc. It's not essential to pay for it in advance but it would be good to 'shop around' among local funeral directors, suss out prices and decide on what she wants. And to have a list of all the people that need to be notified, insurance companies, bank accounts, all those kinds of things.

By the way, she might like to check out computer courses in her locality. All of the local authorities now have some kind of groups for 'silver surfers'. DH who is 74 has been involved with ours, as a volunteer helper. Even if you haven't a PC the local library has them, and the people there are happy to help.

NAR

lindos90 wrote: »

She has apologised to me, as it is very difficult to discuss this sort of thing, but wants me to help.
Can anyone give me any advice where to start?

It shouldn't be very difficult to talk about - all she is talking about is forward planning, and very sensible too IMHO. For goodness sake she could outlive you!
But what you will have done is help her with her plans and ideas and then that will put her mind at rest that if anything did happen to her then she would know things will be sorted and she will get the funeral she wants.
My wife and I are in our 50's and have discussed what we both want when the time comes, but we have no intention of dying any time soon!
Try and take the positive outlook from all this, when she eventually does die, you will be carrying out your mum's wishes and not wondering if this is what mum would have wanted. 73 is young enough nowadays - my mum is 86 and still going strong!

lindos90

Thanks for all the replies, Ive had a quick look for funeral plans, and on balance the co-op plan looks the most flexible, they do a bronze, silver and gold level (different packages) my mum has called the local branch and got some prices, and they said someone can visit and show her leaflets etc.

She called me and said, "now then, if I get the silver one, that includes a car for family, do you want me to bother with that, im just wondering if you might be upset and not able to drive" brought tears to my eyes I can tell you.

I now know she wants to be cremated, and the co-op says they have records to show where her mums, (my nana) ashes were scattered at the crematorium, so she wants to go there too.

My mum lived in north wales once, she loved Colwyn bay, and I had always thought thats where I would take her ashes, so I will ask he when I see her, so she can decide what she wants.

Its 'nice' in a bazarre way that now she has mentioned this, that we can talk more openly, I just hope it is a very long time before any of this is needed.

Im having problems with the will side though, as involving a solicitor could be quite expensive, and i think their charges may swallow up most of her money, especially if they were executors as well as the will writers, (her estate will be quite simple, im the only child, she also has a brother, theres no property, just what bit she has in the bank and a small assurance poilcy (£1 a week) that she thinks may be about £1000. (I think she took this out years ago, when £1000 would have been more than enough for a funeral)

Looking on the web, wills seem to be a nightmare, lots of unregistered 'will writers' where there could be concerns about the quality/legality of the will. Many of these are documents filled in on-line, and I just could not sit with my mum and do this on my PC, I just couldnt.

Ive looked on the age concern and help the aged web sites, they have some advice, but mainly for people with lots of money (ie how to avoud inheritance tax etc)

Anyone got any recommendations?

Craftyscholar

It might be worth asking on the Silver Savers board.
I think there are one or two on there who have been sorting out wills.

Savvy_Sue

Worth looking on the Silver Savers board, but it might scare you off! However most of the horror stories involve a complicated will, or disagreements within families.

You can ask a solicitor to write a will without appointing them as executors! That would definitely be the way to go if the will is as simple as it sounds. It would also not be expensive to get one drawn up.

I think it's in the autumn there's usually a Write a Will week where solicitors will waive their fee, asking instead for a donation to charity. Obviously they may try to appoint themselves as executors in the first draft, but you get a chance to change that.

The other thing to consider is that if your mum wants it all to go to you, that's what would happen if she does not write a will, unless you die before her. Where there is no house to consider and small amounts of money, and no large families, that's certainly worth bearing in mind.

eslick

my dad died last year and we were the executors of the will, from what I remember it cost less than £80 a few years ago to get a solicitor to write the will. You can then be an executor and its really easy as long as the will is straight forward, fill some forms in and get access to accounts etc it does take some time but much cheaper than using a solicitor to do the probate.

We bought our mam, they were divorced, a co-op funeral plan out of the money left to us as our mam wont have the money to pay for her own. it does look the best, nothing else to pay and you can do it online, think there was a small discount when we did it a few months ago. you need the silver package or you have to pay extras for a car, current price when I spoke to them was £180 for the car if I remember correctly.

consultant31

My Mum and Dad wrote their own wills years ago when my children were quite young. Like the OP, I'm an only child so there will be no arguements and they haven't got loads to leave anyway.

They bought will forms from WH Smith I think, and got a friend to witness them. All it cost was the price of the forms.

Sadly my Dad died a couple of years ago and the will had to come out of the safe for various people to see, but other than that, there were no problems at all.

It is a great idea to get it all sorted out in advance, because as an only child, it will all fall on you and it's such a distressing time that anything already sorted out will take some of the burden off.

System

I can't actually find a link to it but i remember this from when my nan doed. basically help the aged provide this booklet thingy which i think gives advice on getting affairs in order and wills, but its also somewhere that the person can write down things such as where important papers are, who to contact first, preferences for funeral arrangements etc. In know it was a great help to my mum in that difficult time so if its still going that might help?

I know its not an easy subject, no one wants to think of it, but getting things in order now wil take some of the burden off you when the time comes.

mary-op

We recently did our wills and had a form from the Cancer Research and that covered the cost of it. Worth looking at there website and asking them to send you a form. If you have an Age Concern near you they're pretty good on advising for that sort of thing. What I found useful was a form to complete noting down what bank accounts we had, insurances etc. and where they were kept -big help I think.
My mum was very organised and always showed us where things were so when she had her stroke we knew where to find whatever paperwork was needed. She also took out a funeral plan to cover the cost and make sure things were done as she wanted, right down to what hymns she liked -made everything so much easier for me and my brother.
Sadly she died in February this year......thats really what prompted me and OH to sort things our.......type of funeral, wills etc. and we've told our boys of the arrangements so theyre both aware of it.
Good luck.