A Friend In Need.

Minimum_Wage_2

i haven't given my opinion, i have only forwarded what he has told me.

Tiff_2

Hi mw!
I caught your post and just wanted to throw my two cents in, for what it's worth. You've had some great advice already. I don't know the people involved or the details but just reading what you've posted prompted some thoughts.....

It's good that you're supporting your friend with the intention of helping him to sort his relationship out. But be aware that there's a line to look out for though, angel and I think you may be fast approaching it. At some point, in my humble opinion, I feel you may need to step back from the situation. I can understand your concern for your friend's situation and his emotions, but you sounded quite intense in your post. Sometimes that's how people are in such situations and I can understand that. But when we're trying to help, we have to bear in mind that we need to be careful with the level of intensity we use, so that we don't end up 'fanning the flames' as it were.
By all means help your friend hun, but think about what kind of help might be best for him. That may not be advice on how to make it work. This may be by listening or encouraging him to concentrate on other areas of his life or by distracting him with activities. If possible, get him out and about and involved in new things. The best help for him might not be advice on how to make this relationship work or, as it seems to me to be honest, to virtually try and force it to work.

I understand that he loves her and desperately wants to make things work but sometimes things aren't fixable, no matter how much we want them to be. If the relationship already had rows enough to warrant a separation, then why would they want to go back to a relationship like that with the odds already against them? What has changed that would make this relationship work now?
Part of the problem is this issue over starting afresh or resuming where they left off. No matter how good our intentions, it's virtually impossible to return to the point you were at before, because of all the things that have happened. Experiences change us in some way, whether it be a big change or a small one, so people who expect things to return to how they were are usually very disappointed - you can't take back things that were said or done and there's always that worry that this will then become ammunition for future battles.

(quote=mw]My friend is getting worse the longer this goes on and rather than him calming down all she is doing is making things worse for him.(/quote)
This sentence implies that your friend is feeling very agitated. It may just be unfortunate wording but if your friend is this distressed then please urge him to go and see his gp and even offer to go with him. You may think there's no point in that but if as you say, your friend's not improving, his gp will be able to assess for any signs of depression/anxiety/stress and can refer your friend to resources such as counselling. If your friend needs more help to get over this, he really should seek professional help from his gp - if he finds it hard to talk, get him to write down how he's feeling and then give it to his dr to read. The dr will have seen and heard it all before so there's no need for your friend to feel uncomfortable.

Of course we haven't heard the other side of the story so maybe he needs to consider that she might have said these things to let him down gently, or because she felt cornered, or perhaps it was one of those moments when we're tempted by something we already know is bad for us because that seems better than nothing?
Either way, it may help him to have some support from Relate, a relationship charity - and no, you don't have to be married or even go together with a partner. Here's a link for them:
''Relate offers advice, relationship counselling, sex therapy, workshops, mediation, consultations and support face-to-face, by phone and through this website. Here you can find your nearest Relate, book on a course, buy books and consult our experts online.
To find your nearest Relate click here or call 0300 100 1234.''

If she's not maintaining contact, then your friend needs to grieve for the relationship and move on. Basically, it comes down to this hun: if the lady isn't there to be in the relationship, then it's not a relationship, is it?

Sorry for the length of this post, folks. Wishing all involved good luck.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Pee

It doesn't sound as though this girl cares about your mate at all, so in the long term, prepare to get your shoulder soaked. I don't suppose you can tell him that, I don't for one minute think he will listen, so just be there for him as much as you can. Might it help now to get him out of the house, perhaps ten pin bowling, so he isn't waiting on her calls and her texts. maybe if he can find out there is a whole world out there, he won't mind so much her lack of interest. Chances are when he is really ready to move on, she will want him back. I suspect there is someone out there he would be better suited to.