A Friend In Need.

Minimum_Wage_2

Hello Everyone,
I have a friend that is in very much need of support and some advise. He has been seeing this woman for a while and they have had there problems along the way but still kept together. The last few months they split up but he never gave up the hope in getting back with her, just recently they are going to give it ago again but she has dropped a bomb shell on him by confessing that she had slept with another in that time they were apart. Now as you can guess this has upset him a lot but what makes it worse is that before that they had talked about carrying on from where they left off but how can they when she’s done this to him. She say’s that she is sorry for what she had done and that she doesn’t want to lose him, she said that she would help him and be there for him but now she texts him very little and has come out with her phones stopped working and had to change it for her spare (which does not have a very good signal) and hasn’t text him all night. I’ve told him that if she really cared then she would at least got signal sometime or tried to find a signal so that she could text him. My friend is getting worse the longer this goes on and rather than him calming down all she is doing is making things worse for him. I’ve tried to tell him but he wont listen and hopes that she will change and help him. please give advice that i could pass on to him.

Zazen999

Tell her to 'Go Away Off'. It's the only way - she has already done so once so the quicker he realises it the better.

It never ceases to amaze me how people these days seem to live their love/lives based on people and how often they text each other....

paddy's_mum

If they were not together for a few months and she chose to sleep with someone else during that time, what is your friend's beef? She hasn't been disloyal to him during the relationship and I cannot see why she should be held to account for something that is nothing whatever to do with anyone else ... or perhaps I am missing the point here of why things are "getting worse"?

Minimum_Wage_2

they had been apart for about two months, and he offered her a fresh new start but she wanted to carry on with the old. to him it doesnt matter if it was out of the relationship or in as they weren't apart for that long, he loves her alot and for him to have been told this has broken his heart. as i've said she said that she didnt want to lose him and yet she cant be there for him when he needs the support of the relationship.

i take it you haven't been in that situation then paddy's mum?

Minxy_Bella

They were on a break.

It's got nothing to do with him if she had sex with several rugby teams. Your friend needs to grow up a bit - either start afresh or split up for good.

Minimum_Wage_2

he did offer her a fresh new start but it was her that didn't want it, she wants to carry on with the old one.
she said that she didn't want to lose him and yet she isn't helping him through it.

Minxy_Bella

Minimum_Wage wrote: »

he did offer her a fresh new start but it was her that didn't want it, she wants to carry on with the old one.
she said that she didn't want to lose him and yet she isn't helping him through it.

I really don't understand this - how does she want to carry on with the old relationship when they split up and have now got back together? What do you mean?

What does she have to help him through? And why should she?

What does he expect her to do?

Chinkle

I don't get it - isn't it just semantics whether you call it a "fresh start" or "carrying on as before". They split up and now they are considering getting back again.

If your "friend" can't get over the fact she had sex with someone else when she wasn't seeing him then it sounds like he should move on without her.

Ditto, how often she texts him is minor, they both need to look to the future and how they are going to do things differently to make it better this time.

jellyhead

I really don't 'get' this - they were apart, and she slept with someone else. So what? she was single at the time. What's his problem?

Why is how often she texts him important? Maybe she has other things to do - work or children perhaps? If he is that desperate to talk to her I suggest using a landline, or talking on the computer.

If she doesn't want to talk to him then he should just leave her alone. I have to say if this was me and my ex was heartbroken by something that happened while WE WERE ON A BREAK I'd think he was seriously unhinged, and it would really put me off him.

Minimum_Wage_2

carrying on from the old she agreed that what ever they done in that time they'd be answerable to but to him that doesn't matter, what does matter is that she said that she'd be there to help him and she hasn't helped him at all.

myaccount08

I'm with the previous poster *Minxy Bella, what does she have to help him with?

If he was offering a fresh start, to get back together and try again - then he shouldn't be dragging up the fact she has slept with someone else whilst they were not together. If he can't handle it then they don't have a future. I think the fact she slept with someone else has shown him that she didn't love him as much as he thought, or as much as he loves her. I think that is what's hurt him so much, because the relationship and feelings aren't mutual/equal.

It sounds like he is rather desperate and dependent on this woman, in which case the relationship isn't particularly healthy nor good for either of them in the long run.