Grown apart

waitingforanemptynest

Out of a group of five friends I was talking to today three of us confessed that we are waiting for our children to leave the nest and then we plan to also go our own way in life alone without our current partners.
None of us are in abusive relationships but have grow apart from our partners. Are we alone in feeling this or are there people ever where feeling like this?

windswept

Relationships evolve and take work to keep them good and strong.
Growing apart isn't a valid reason for splitting imho - after devoting so many years to your partner, isn't the relationship worth bringing back to life?
It can be done, if both of you want to commit to working through any problems - we all just rub along sometimes, I don't know what allows people to let things slide so far but it happens a lot.
We all feel taken for granted, ignored even at times, but why is it easier to just walk away than face up to things and try to build a new life? That's what it is when your children leave home, it's like being newlyweds again in some respects.
I don't think it's very fair to drop a bombshell like that on someone "when the time is right" - surely they deserve the respect of honest communication BEFORE the event?
How can any of you live the lie that is pretending everything is ok , looking at your partner everyday thinking "I don't love you anymore".
You need the strength and courage to face your partner now and explain how you feel - doesn't he deserve the truth from you?

bestpud

Gosh, you're a coniving bunch!!

How awful for the 'children' and the partners!

How about trying to spice things up a bit first? Maybe relationship counselling? Try and get some child free time together?

Seriously, if that is how you feel, then let them go now while they have a chance of finding someone who actually cares for them!

FWIW, when I felt me and my OH were growing apart, I took every step I could to get past it. Unfortunately, it didn't work out for us, but at least I know I tried.

I know I couldn't have lived a lie for years and then dumped him when he'd served his purpose!

It's quite common for 'children' to become quite distressed when their parents part as soon as they move out in my experience to, especially those who do it once they go to uni! Poor things are trying to cope with their new surroundings/being independent etc and are then told their 'home' as they know it is no more either!

cobbingstones

Fantastic reply Windswept - you have written it so much better than I could of!

vaio

On the other hand he could just be waiting for the kids to move out so he can kick the wife out and move the mistress in

bestpud

vaio wrote: »

On the other hand he could just be waiting for the kids to move out so he can kick the wife out and move the mistress in

Karma... :T

peachyprice

That is so sad.

I'm really looking forward to the children leaving home (well I'm not, but you know what I mean) so we can have quality couple time again, Im sure we'll be like kids again! We've got so many plans.

I'd be heartbrokwn if i thought my OH was just waiting for them to be old enough to offload me.

Your poor husbands, do them a favor and leave them now while they still have a good life ahead of them.

chriszzz

How unfair to pre-meditate how the 3 of you will cause so much pain to your hubbys and children and to make it worse is that you look at them each day knowing the destruction you will cause in there future, Well Done!!
How selfish can some ppl be?? Relationships need effort on both sides and it doesnt matter if hubby is putting effort in, his wife has decided that she cant wait for the kids to leave so she can break his heart, so unfortunately for him, he is wasting his time.
I think you all really need to think about the heartache your shaping for your husbands and childrens future,
If you all dont love your partners then you owe it to them to let them move on with there lives and stop leading them on, there is always another woman ready to have your hubbys!!

windswept

peachyprice wrote: »

That is so sad.

I'm really looking forward to the children leaving home (well I'm not, but you know what I mean) so we can have quality couple time again, Im sure we'll be like kids again! We've got so many plans.

I'd be heartbrokwn if i thought my OH was just waiting for them to be old enough to offload me.

Your poor husbands, do them a favor and leave them now while they still have a good life ahead of them.

It's truly a new lease of life for you as a couple when your kids are no longer dependant - me and my hubby have a fabulous life - it's our 25th anniversary next March.
We're about to go on our 3rd holiday of the year, we joined the National trust and go out most weekends, luckily we have joint interests such as motor racing etc. but we also now work compatible hours - he works permanent noons and I work 3 hours in the evening, it's unbelievable the difference it's made to the quality of our life! He worked mostly rotating shifts when our DD was growing up and it's only now I realise what a negative impact it had on our life, especially our sex life.

When it gets to the stage when you have nothing to talk about and you are conversing in words of one syllable, where the mere presence of them and the sound of them even breathing annoys you - you owe it to your partner to DO SOMETHING about it and speak up.

The grass is very rarely greener if all your problem is , is boredom.

waitingforanemptynest

I have read through all of your replies with interest (thank you for taking the time to give me your views). Over the years I have lost sight of who I am and what I want from life and so I want to see my children grow up and then I want to discover myself.

Steel_2

Interesting how some posters have assumed the OP and friends are female.....and married....