What else can I do?

Thriftylady

hi Greenwellies

I'm sorry I don't have much in the way of practical advice, but I just wanted to say that I have been in your situation (well, a similar one, we didn't have children when my hubby was made redundant) and you have my deepest sympathy. I promise things will get better, but it will be hard. From losing one pemanent job to gaining another was over 18 months in our case, and all the while I was trying to keep our heads above water, and I earned a fraction of what he earned. Even when he got back into a job, it was for a much lower salary than his old one.

The advice on here is all given with the kindest of intentions, but I have to admit that it made my blood boil and my skin crawl when people said "can he not just take on something to make ends meet in the meantime?". He was a well qualified professional but would have been willing to do anything to help our situation but unfortunately no employer or agency wanted to know. e.g. he had never worked in a shop, and even places like supermarkets and restuarants ask for experience. Same goes for office temping, no experience equals no job. It all depends on where you live I suppose - in the big cities there might be constant job opportunities of all sorts but where we live there is next to nothing. (I am employed but have been job hunting for about 8 years without success, so I can only imagine how difficult it is to find a job when you are currently without one).

The only piece of practical advice I can offer is to second what so many other posters have said, which I'm afraid is that second holidays and second cars are a luxury in your situation. Sorry to be harsh, but when times are tough, the real essentials (aside from your health) are food and shelter.

I hope your husbands job hunt brings him success soon, I really believe that until someone has been affected by this themselves they probably don't realise just what a blow it is - its so much more than the money aspect, its the feeling of being useless, unwanted and worst of all, being judged by other people, that makes it into such an awful package.

Sorry if I have rambled, but I just wanted to offer my support, and assure you that you can get through this.

livinginhope

Hi Greenwellies
Sorry if what I am going to say sounds mean,but I don't think you have truely had a lightbulb moment ,sorry everyone,but I have been reading this thread and all the suggestions have been met with reasons why things can't change.
Now for something more positive,I have checked with a couple of used car prices,and there are no smart cars 2nd hand for more than 8k,12k is probably what the car was worth when new,but it is no longer new,it isn't a very practical car for your family,so get rid,try autotrader or local paper,even if you get 4k,you can buy a very good car for a grand,also do you need a NEW MPV for towing a trailer tent? what is wrong with a 5 or 6 year old estate car? will still be very reliable and will have loads more room than an MPV.
You mentioned in an earlier post that you don't like cheap meat,cheap doesn't mean bad,I have been a chef for many years and have never been able to taste the difference.
As I said earlier get OH to try pizza/takeaway deliveries until he finds another job.
Regarding the holidays,oh dear ,you said christmas would cost 75/head in a restaurant,don't know if thats the ritz,but we never spend more than 30 including drinks,what about trying christmas at home much better,people can sleep on the floor all over the house,kids love it.Even the camping trip is an awful lot,we go to France every year and never pay more than 175 for everyone inc.ferry.
Sorry for the ramble,but wanted to get my point across

Greenwellies_2

livinginhope wrote:

Hi Greenwellies
Sorry if what I am going to say sounds mean,but I don't think you have truely had a lightbulb moment ,sorry everyone,but I have been reading this thread and all the suggestions have been met with reasons why things can't change.
Now for something more positive,I have checked with a couple of used car prices,and there are no smart cars 2nd hand for more than 8k,12k is probably what the car was worth when new,but it is no longer new,it isn't a very practical car for your family,so get rid,try autotrader or local paper,even if you get 4k,you can buy a very good car for a grand,also do you need a NEW MPV for towing a trailer tent? what is wrong with a 5 or 6 year old estate car? will still be very reliable and will have loads more room than an MPV.
You mentioned in an earlier post that you don't like cheap meat,cheap doesn't mean bad,I have been a chef for many years and have never been able to taste the difference.
As I said earlier get OH to try pizza/takeaway deliveries until he finds another job.
Regarding the holidays,oh dear ,you said christmas would cost 75/head in a restaurant,don't know if thats the ritz,but we never spend more than 30 including drinks,what about trying christmas at home much better,people can sleep on the floor all over the house,kids love it.Even the camping trip is an awful lot,we go to France every year and never pay more than 175 for everyone inc.ferry.
Sorry for the ramble,but wanted to get my point across

I am in the office, so please bear with me!

Cars: OK the smarts going - does anyone know of a decent publication to advertise it in - maybe with an offer??

As for the MPV, it costs me less in insurance etc than my 3 year old estate that I had previous to it. The estate was forever breaking down, and althought we had 'mechanical insurance' they always found a way round it, so it cost us the best part of 3k in a year. It began to fail a year ago, so we just looked in a garage, we got a 16K car for 12k. The second hand models were more expensive than the brand new one

Pizza deliveries: Hubby no -longer has entitlement to drive mopeds since the licence catagories changed in about 1997. (I have no idea why??) We have done this in the past and it wasn't very economical to do it in our own vehicle.

Christmas: set menus here are £75 per head at Christmas and it doesn't include drinks. We cannot physically get more than 9 people in a house and none of us have a dining room. (This is the only year this will happen for health reasons) Another consideration is the MIL, she gets all twitchy about the noise that the children make, and with such small houses, there is no-where to go!

Camping, maybe I have the incorrect amount down?? We go at the beginning or August and then the end of august, just for the bank holiday. It should cost us £300 for the two ocassions, which we thought was good value. I have booked a group for the first one, but I can cancel the second one.

Meat: I can't buy a roast joint from a supermarket, it really is fatty and tastless. I also find that the chops are small. However I will have a look for some casseroling meat and I'll try that instead of the butchers

There I have vowed to cancel the second holiday and to sell the car.
(and to try supermarket meat)
Am I still just set in my ways?

I am taking all this information in, and I do take it positivly.

Thanks

GW

Greenwellies_2

Thriftylady wrote:

hi Greenwellies

The advice on here is all given with the kindest of intentions, but I have to admit that it made my blood boil and my skin crawl when people said "can he not just take on something to make ends meet in the meantime?".

Thanks, I am taking all the suggestions positively.

To be honest when the redundancy was mentioned, neither of us were overly worried. We knew our routines would change, but thought that he could get another job soon, or failing that we had a safety net of temping.

He was made redundant 8 years ago too, so I thought things were still the same.

Thanks

GW

Thriftylady

Greenwellies, I am with you on the supermarket meat, I wouldn't touch it. My local butchers are all cheaper than supermarkets anyway, and can tell you the exact source of their meat.

I truly believe that there are some things which its not in our best interests to save on anyway, and good quality ingredients to cook healthy meals from is one of them.

scottishspendaholic

Hi GreenWellies,

Please keep us updated on how you are getting on - I am thinking about you and your family.

I think you are doing really well and are slowly taking things on board - I think to be a true money saver, then you need to not think the way you are about Christmas/holidays - you need to cut right back - it doesn't matter if home made gifts aren't gratefully received. Please try to stop keeping up with the joneses - give them what you can afford and if they don't like it, they can lump it. Or could you all forgo presents/do a secret santa for £5/£10 each this year since the holiday and meal are costing such a lot of money.

Re. the holiday - I know you really want to go, but I really think you should cancel both summer ones, and also Christmas one - but I know you probably feel pressure to go on that one. You simply can't afford them - if people are funny with you - then you might just have to deal with it as you have your husband's redundancy and your studies and 3 kids as more than enough excuses!

I hope you aren't offended - these comments are meant kindly

scottishspendaholic x

livinginhope

Hi greenwellies,I didn't say supermarket meat,I said CHEAP meat,also I didn't say that pizza delivery involved moped riding,my OH used his own vehicle,but if you are going to run around in a 16k MPV then it probably wouldn't work for you!
I am going to stop reading this thread,as I am beginning to get a bit negative with you and I don't want to upset anyone as they have all helping me through a bad time.
I just want to say (please forgive me),but I think you have a champagne wannabe lifestyle on a orange squash budget,and I think you care too much about other people and not enough about you,if you cannot afford it,you cannot do it,MIL will get over it,if she doesn't it's her problem.
Once again sorry if caused any offence.xxxxx

Annie_Fanny

Greenwellies - am here to nag you again! - hope you take it as it is meant - that is to help you and may be to get you to look at things from a different point of view...

Greenwellies wrote:

Am I still just set in my ways? A little yes - but that's ok it all takes time - you have after all only been posting on here a short while! I think the thing is to try and detach yourself a little bit from the situation and rather then seeing the situation as a drag try and see it as a CHALLENGE! Can I feed 26 family members on £2.50? Woo hoo! Obviously am making a little joke there then again I bet black-saturn could do this!!

Christmas: set menus here are £75 per head at Christmas and it doesn't include drinks. We cannot physically get more than 9 people in a house and none of us have a dining room. (This is the only year this will happen for health reasons) Another consideration is the MIL, she gets all twitchy about the noise that the children make, and with such small houses, there is no-where to go! Am going to be a little naughty here but I would, and this is purely my opinion, send the MIL away with a flea in her ear. She sounds like a gigantic pain in the whoopsy! This is your HOME for goodness sakes - tell her to get some ear plugs! The thought of paying £75 per head for a cr*ppy xmas meal, when you could probably have a right good ole knees up for say the price of two heads (£150), fills me with dread!

Annie

lynzpower

Im tempted to agree with livinginhope to be honest GW. I too am at work, so cant really write much we are flat out here!

But I look at this

Cars: OK the smarts going - does anyone know of a decent publication to advertise it in - maybe with an offer?? You could put it on ebay as "buy it now". I dont know much about cars to be honest, but the sooner you get rid the more youll get for it...

As for the MPV, it costs me less in insurance etc than my 3 year old estate that I had previous to it. The estate was forever breaking down, and althought we had 'mechanical insurance' they always found a way round it, so it cost us the best part of 3k in a year. It began to fail a year ago, so we just looked in a garage, we got a 16K car for 12k. The second hand models were more expensive than the brand new one. Im not being funny, but this is excuses to me really. Buy a fiesta or something. they cost nothing to run, barely anything for parts, and everywhere can fix them. My mum bought an ancient one ( c reg) and it was running perfectly till I wrote it off. She got more in the write off value than what she paid for it.

Pizza deliveries: Hubby no -longer has entitlement to drive mopeds since the licence catagories changed in about 1997. (I have no idea why??) We have done this in the past and it wasn't very economical to do it in our own vehicle. Something else then? Private hire where you rent thier cab? I appreciate he is trying, it really does seem that way. If it hits the point where he is not getting anywhere then could he do some volunteering somewhere to alter his skills? I was a call-centre worker only till I started volunteering, which has led to a competley new career. In any case, voluteering is very attractive to employers. Also ask at the job centre if he can get an advisor. They are pretty good in my experience of finding jobs for people, may not be perfect, but they are jobs.

Christmas: set menus here are £75 per head at Christmas and it doesn't include drinks. We cannot physically get more than 9 people in a house and none of us have a dining room. (This is the only year this will happen for health reasons) Another consideration is the MIL, she gets all twitchy about the noise that the children make, and with such small houses, there is no-where to go! Quite frankly, tihs worries me. Stuff Xmas. So you dont have a dining room? So you dont have the space? Have Xmas seperately then and go round for a glass of mulled wine at the inlaws instead. THIS IS A Crazy amount of money, really to be spending. I also think you are probably exaggerating a little, my auntie goes for Xmas dinner in a top hotel for 35 per head, in an expensive part of the country. In any event, you cant afford it.

Camping, maybe I have the incorrect amount down?? We go at the beginning or August and then the end of august, just for the bank holiday. It should cost us £300 for the two ocassions, which we thought was good value. I have booked a group for the first one, but I can cancel the second one. Whether something is good value or not seems to be irrelevant. You cant afford it. If it was a month in the bahamas at this price, yes good value, no you still cant afford it...

Meat: I can't buy a roast joint from a supermarket, it really is fatty and tastless. I also find that the chops are small. However I will have a look for some casseroling meat and I'll try that instead of the butchers. My local butchers does a freezer pack for 20 quid including 12 pork chops ( lamb or pork) , 10 chicken quarters, 3Lbs of mince, a small pack of frying steak and a stack of sausages Try not to eat meat as much is the obvious one, but shop around it can be done.
There I have vowed to cancel the second holiday and to sell the car.
(and to try supermarket meat)

Am I still just set in my ways? I think so, yes.

Bunnie1982

Supermarket meat isn't THAT bad, we buy meat from the supermarket (and from my Mums local Butcher who sells three trays of meat for £5)

With meat and vegetables we buy from the supermarket the labels have where is comes from and the name of the farmer on. Can honestly say I cannot abide fatty meat, yet the cuts we have brought have been wonderful (you just have to sort the good from the bad)

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Have you tried autotrader or your local paper to sell your car, maybe take it into a garage and see how much they would give you for it (obviously you would get more through a private sale)

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In terms of the camping holidays, not only have you got the cost of the campsite but you have the costs of eating, petrol, activities....soon amounts up.

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I like many others thing that £75 for a Christmas Dinner is excessive.