The Morals of my Friend. Am i being a prude?!

mummy_Jay

You have good morals, be proud of yourself.

I think your 'friend' is trying to shock you and if you do nothing will carry on telling you these bad things she does to get her kicks. That doesn't mean she did them, that means she is either a dirty slapper or a lier either way not someone you want close to you really.

She may have slept with your friends BF before they got together and be wording it in such a way as to make it sound bad or not.

Personnally I would have a word with your mate, say 'you don't want to hurt her and you don't know if there's any truth to it but she needs to be aware this lass is going around claiming she's had a fling with her BF'. The rumour can be just as damaging as the act and she needs the opportunity to deal with it one way or another before it blows up in her face.

Dinah93

I'd be gutted if a 'friend' was going around bragging to other people she'd slept with my boyfriend, and THAT I would certainly want to know, personally I'd want to know about the act too, as I'd hate to think a friend wasn't comfortable enough with me to tell me something so important, and to save me wasting my time on such a looser (friend and bf!).

TotallyBroke

Talk to the friend that has done the dirty as everyone is putting it. Find out why? and if it will happen again. Explain to her that you are not happy being put into a position of knowing and that it is upsetting the friendship. Ask her what she expects from you now that you know.
Maybe him and her want to be together and they are using you to get the truth out there rather than facing it themselves.

As for the No No of dating friends exes etc I see nothing wrong with it. Why should a happy relationship not happen because of who the ex is? I myself have dated 3 members of the same family, 2 brothers and a cousin. I am still very friendly with the cousin we are in the same circle of friends we are almost like brother and sister now we've known each other so long. I quite like his new girlfriend and hope that we will be good friends.

Gavin83

maggied wrote: »

However try not to be too judgmental - we're all entitled to c*ck up every now and then and we've all done things we're not especially proud of in one way or the other.

I think this goes slightly beyond a !!!! up. Personally I think this is one of the worst things you can do to a supposed friend/partner.

For some reason I see sleeping with a friends partner as worse than cheating on your own. Im not really sure why I feel this way but it just feels more morally wrong.

SSB wrote: »

This is very dangerous ground... You would be better off not getting involved at all. Your friend might not thank you for telling her, in fact she might already know and is working through it. Some people would rather not know and she will blame you for telling her.

Im glad your not my friend. Personally I think not telling your friend information like this is almost as bad as the act itself. I'd still be friends with someone who didn't tell me something like this but it would certainly damage our relationship.

*Jellie*

vixarooni wrote: »

Its wrong, but i suppose when were in the early 20's it goes on doesnt it. Some people just cant keep the legs shut and the willy in.

Don't you keep the legs shut to keep the willy out?

maggied_2

Gavin83 - completely agree with you - never done it myself and I was trying to think of a less harsh expression than I was originally going to use.
However......those who are too pious and judgmental tend not to get much sympathy if they ever muck up themselves...just sayin like

Anyway I've re-read this and......if the cheated upon one is a good friend then you should let her know...the 'rumour' approach is a good one as doesn't sound as it's come directly from you. Check your facts first though!

Always a difficult one this - has made me think a lot. I think the fact that it's another friend is utterly reprehensible. That said...

I have known couples where one of them (or both) have strayed, kept it quiet and gone on to have successful relationships / marriages / babies etc. That's where I was coming from really.

Althought it's a DREADFUL thing to do I can't believe people are so shocked though! It does happen! (Cue all the "well not to me" remarks)

Any Woody - very droll......

Minimum_Wage_2

I have noticed while reading this post that i have also been in a simular situation only that it was the female coming onto me, lucky for me i managed to get out of it and i didn't go back there again, i also found out that she was doing this a lot with other people as well. I then heard the gossip that a few people had told the BF about what she was doing and it would go quiet for a few hours then he would turn on the people that told him and believe the story that she told him. As far as i know she is still with him and she is still up to her old tricks.

Most of the people that have commented on this post have said to tell everyone so that they can keep their OH's away! Does no one trust their OH these days? If you have to keep your OH's away from some one who cant keep their legs closed or has to flop it out at any skirt they see then its obvious that they don't really want to be with you! If you think that they wouldn't be able to resist the temptation so you will keep them away then its not the relationship you want and that it should be a dog you want to keep on a lead.

Ali, you are not a prude and you should follow your instincts and do the right thing to what you feel is right. You know she has done wrong and she has put you in a very bad position now you can either tell your to pull her knickers up, get a life, stop pinching other peoples BF's and find one that she wants to be with or you tell your unknowing friend that her BF has been unfaithful and to get out of the relationship before she gets hurt anymore.

ailuro2

Pose the same question to the friend who has been betrayed - tell her that someone has admitted to someone else that she's been sleeping with a work colleagues' partner, and ask her whether she would say anything to them or not.

If she says the person shouldn't interfere, then you have your answer.

Make sure the work colleague is not someone she knows, obviously, or do it as part of a magazine quiz - y'know the things you get in Cosmo!;)

editted to add- I've been cheated on in the past, and while men struggle with having two brains to contend with, it would be a whole lot easier if tarts had hearts and didn't steal men just because they fancied a roll in the hay. Yes, I know they're both to blame, but I hope you see what I'm getting at. She's a tart that doesn't care whose man she sleeps with, no-one needs 'friends' like that! btw You should be proud you have such good standards.

peachyprice

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I find it rather disgusting too. I have a friend who is now a single mother of 3, she has been going out with a married man with 2 kids, so lets call her A and him B ok so A & B have been going out for about 8 months A knows about B's wife and kids but B has been saying that he is no longer in a relationship with his wife just living there and saying he will leave his wife for A then a few days later B is nasty to A. A's kids go to their dads every other week and a few days before that B upsets A.

So after a few weeks of this happening A goes out and gets another fella so we call him C. Within hours of meeting C, A brings him home and does the dirty deed. C leaves in the morning but comes back the same night and stays again this happens for a week or so. Then the other day C leaves in the morning then B turns up and spends most of the day there obviously doing the deed then B leaves and C arrives and he spends the night!

So what do you think about that dont forget her kids are on school holidays at the moment so are in the house. It's like a knocking shop!

Steph xx

Eeeewww, sloppy seconds

Cardamom

If I was in your position I would tell my friend what her boyfriend and so called friend had done. It's important that she gets tested for any STI's that may have been passed on to her. And it's also important that she knows what her bf and friend are like!

I'd also want to be told about it if I was in the friends shoes and my bf had done the deed with a friend.

Alcohol is not an excuse.