Motivating the other half

nonoz

Hi all,

Needed some advice on motivating my OH to do cleaning!!! I know a big one some may say! I work really long hours and have hardly any spare time to clean - except weekends when i do a big blitz and with two big dogs running around the place it does get quite messy.
He is very good and doing the washing up (but no cleaning surafces or the cooker - cant have everything i suppose)! But he is the typical - dont do dusting kind of man - when i met him he did not even own a duster or polish!!:eek:

Well we are having a house built which will be ready in a few months and i would like everything to stay clean.

So the big question - how do you get a man to hoover(when he sees dirt rather than you grilling him to do it) and polish?????

All advice gratefully received

Rummer

I am keen to hear any suggestions too as I have the same issue with my OH!

Little_Vics

This might sound really old fashioned, but this is how we did it!We wrote a huge list of every household chore right down to the smallest detail, split them up, and do it all in one hit either Saturday or Sunday morning - and then have a massive fry-up for brunch! Works a treat to motivate.LV x

Bongedone

Thats a good idea Little Vics. Must make sure I hide this thread from my OH. (I am male).

Seriously though. I cannot help the OP. I help with the cleaning but I cannot stand it. She seems to enjoys it (she may not say that herself).

I do most of the cooking and all of the shopping.

geordie_joe

nonoz wrote: »

So the big question - how do you get a man to hoover(when he sees dirt rather than you grilling him to do it) and polish?????

That's easy, next time you have a dripping tap get the spanner out and fix it. Next time you want a shelf putting up, do it your self. Next time the drains are blocked, you go out and unblock them.

When he sees you helping him out, he'll begin to help you out.

looby-loo_2

geordie_joe wrote: »

That's easy, next time you have a dripping tap get the spanner out and fix it. Next time you want a shelf putting up, do it your self. Next time the drains are blocked, you go out and unblock them.

When he sees you helping him out, he'll begin to help you out.

If only it worked like that! My DH is retired and I work full time, out of house 7.45 till 6.15 Mon - Fri.

He just doesn't see what needs doing. If I suggest something I'm 'nagging' but if I don't suggest it he says he didn't see it and I should have reminded him. (i.e. washing needs putting out) He spends 100% of his time on his hobbies. Never cooks and usually gets up from the table leaving the plate where it is. Where did I go wrong? I think I should have acted the helpless female long ago and got him better trained. But it is just not in me to be helpless and it would have cost more than we had then. He came from a family where they 'called the man in' to do everything eg light bulb blows - get Colin to fix it, sink blocked - get Mike to fix it, weeds grow - get Steve to sort it.

The only thing I don't get involved with is cars but nor does DH. He even took it to the local garage to get the headlight beam dimmers put on when we went to France last month! And are they the only garage that serve you petrol???

Today I did normal Saturday cleaning then I fixed the drip in the ensuite loo. This involved emptying the cistern and letting it dry out. I had to do this 3 times as he kept forgetting and used it 3 times - then wondered why it wouldn't flush! Anyway job is done - he would have just rung the plumber so I would have had to pay. Then I cut the lawns, all 5 of them, and did a bit of weeding in the veg patch. He wandered up with his cup of tea and said, quote 'you've got a fair bit in here' Well, yes! I don't think he had been up since March....! He wandered off and listened to the cricket and then the football and then went to sleep whilst watching a DVD whilst I packed up the car for my twice yearly carboot tomorrow. He has gone to bed and I am making jam with the last of the blackcurrants and gooseberries.

Last weekend I cleaned out the gutters, 1 1/2 bucket loads of yuck out of them but no overflowing this week. I also chop wood for the fire 'cos he buys it in bags from the garage.

I went seriously wrong somwhere so I have no suggestions.

PS - he suggested I should get more exercise in case I got unfit:mad:

Ily

geordie_joe wrote: »

That's easy, next time you have a dripping tap get the spanner out and fix it. Next time you want a shelf putting up, do it your self. Next time the drains are blocked, you go out and unblock them.

When he sees you helping him out, he'll begin to help you out.

Seriously Joe are you joking????? I don't know how many shelves you have in your house or in what state your drains are but honestly.... the jobs you mention only need doing on very rare occasions. Ironing, washing, cleaning, hoovering.... those things need doing all the time! ... and nobody thanks us for it either.... when men (yes, it is still mainly men :mad:) do get round to doing some diy around the house they expect encouragement, compliments and cups of tea. I don't think a lot of women get complimented on how thoroughly they have cleaned the dishes!

By the way, I happen to be a dab hand at what is seen as traditionally 'male' diy, but me doing the DIY does not seem to motivate him into doing the ironing, strangely enough! In fact, I suspect the internal monologues runs thus... "What? She can use a power drill by herself? Cool, that means there is one fewer thing for me to do round the house!!!"

Cynical...... MOI???

momoyama

nonoz wrote: »

So the big question - how do you get a man to hoover

You don't. Because he won't get it. Try to use the verb rather than the proper noun (Hoover was the guy that invented the device). Just in the same way as I drive to work, I don't "Ford" to work and write a letter rather than "Biro" a letter. I'll gladly vacuum clear but I'll look at you with confusion if you ask me to "Hoover".



I'm probably the same as other men described here. I'll do a task if the need for it is explained to me, but I won't see that a task needs doing.

LilacPixie

Seriously I have no idea. My hubby is what i could only describe as a lazy sod. Me 'Can you dry the dishes??'
Him 'I'm tired'
Me 'I'm tired too'
Him 'but I work you know'
Me 'just dry the dishes'
him huff huff kevin the teenager type strop

Him really we need t make more of an effort decluttering this house
Me I have, you haven't
Him when do i get time I work you know

Serously in his little mind working means he does not do a thing around the house without major nagging or prodding.

The ironic thing is I work full time too, I also run my own small business from home, do all the cooking, all the shoping and 90-95% of the cleaning plus most of the childcare. I do work at home alot but in the evening when kids are in bed as he finds it impossible to recognise that me working means leave me alone unless urgent

We bought a new drying line thingy in March it still isn't fitted. The bath panel popped off the bath last week, ok it was viciously attacked by Fifi the flowertot and I asked him to put it back on and he hasn't plus 1001 other little fiddly things that need done. This evening while the kids were asleep I have gutted the kitchen washed the surfaces plus hob, oven door washing machine etc swept the floor then came to sit down, do a little bit of wrok answering some customer emails and he was playing some dumb video game. He is now complaining the jeans he wants to wear tomorrow are in the ironing pile wrinkly. Oh apparently I should be grateful he took OUR kids to the local park for 45 minutes today 'to give me a break' why did i not do the ironing then!!!!!!!!!!

Almo

momoyama wrote: »

You don't. Because he won't get it. Try to use the verb rather than the proper noun (Hoover was the guy that invented the device). Just in the same way as I drive to work, I don't "Ford" to work and write a letter rather than "Biro" a letter. I'll gladly vacuum clear but I'll look at you with confusion if you ask me to "Hoover".



I'm probably the same as other men described here. I'll do a task if the need for it is explained to me, but I won't see that a task needs doing.

:rolleyes: You're quite right that they are eponyms. I would expect anyone demonstrating this knowledge of English to also know that eponyms become accepted into language and their use becomes broader than when first introduced. The OED accepts hoover as a verb, meaning to clean with a vacuum cleaner (not at all sure what a vacuum clearer is) and personally I'd go with them rather than you. Etymology is a fascinating subject and I suggest you explore further. The concept of the pen existed long before Biro were founded and as such there was no need to adopt the name as a verb. The type of pen, however, did not and as such the term biro was gradually adopted to indicate the type of pen in use.

mrbadexample

looby-loo wrote: »

I went seriously wrong somwhere so I have no suggestions.

PS - he suggested I should get more exercise in case I got unfit:mad:

Dump him.