Worried - Sleepless nights

Wol2

For you...from Muffin (on the right)..and Pebble her daughter...



xxx

janninew

Thanks for your kind word Wol2 and the pics of your guinea pigs! I'm a huge animal lover, there the reason i get up most days! I will keep on posting and updating my thread and i really appreciate you taking an interest in my situation.
Thanks
Jannine x

tudorfan22

janninew wrote: »

Hi

I wondered if you wonderful people could give me some advice, i've been reading your board for awhile and you all seem so nice and not at all judgemental!

I'm 24 years old and have recently gotten divorced from my husband. I am in the process of buying him out of the marital home. He has paid for half the mortgage every month so can't fault him for that! I should be in the position to complete on my new mortgage at the end of August. I'm just so worried i've never had to stand on my own 2 feet and have always had him to back me up (sounds pathetic, i know) I lie awake at night and worry about paying all my bills, the mortgage, losing my job, looking after my animals, everything really! My budget is so tight and i have a few debts and not many savings. I am the sort of person who like to have some savings in the bank, but have just spent nearly three thousand pounds on solicitor fees for the divorce, conveyancing etc its nearly cleaned me out!

I don't go out often as i just can't afford to and feel isolated and alone. I feel like all i do is work and never have fun. It has been a very painful divorce for me which doesn't help matters. We were together since we were young teenagers and married for 5 years and i'm not coping well on my own. I have thought about getting a lodger to help with the bills but was unsure? I've never lived with a stranger before and was unsure of the regulations with regards to paying tax etc. Also i have my dogs to think about and i worry how the new person would be with them. I could never get rid of my dogs, they are my life and its not an option for me.

Not sure what i'm asking you all for, just rambling really.

Jannine

jannine

you so sound like me 4 years ago, all the same things happened to me that happened to you and i know how youre feeling. firstly from a tax position you can earn 4250 quid a year from a lodger which is 350 a month. so that could be an option, also i would recommend ebay and amazon and use the break up as a chance to declutter your life. i coped by living for my cat - sounds silly but the sight of her asleep with a full belly and a mum who loved her got me through the week - a bit like having a kid really, i needed some sense of achievement in a week that only saw me pay the bills and be poor the day after pay day!

you'll get through - i made a list of things i achieved in the first year - ive kept it going ever since cos whenever i feel ive done nothing with my life i can look back and feel proud. i also made a list of free things i can do, whether it was a walk on the beach, or girlie nigts at home or free cinema tickets - the guys on here will have tons of ideas!

good luck and it will all be fine in the end - enjoy being a single lady its really fun!

Fire_Fox

janninew wrote: »

Thanks Firefox,
Yes i am on anti-depressants at the moment and i'm under the care of my Doctor. I just feel if i could get a little more sorted i would start to feel better, but everytime i overcome another hurdle i still don't feel any happier. I know i'm depressed and still very upset over the breakup, it was such a shock to me. I use to exercise at my local council gym but thats where my ex works (teaching classes!) with his new girlfriend so going there is totally out of the question. Also i do work full time and have dogs that i have to care for. I have no help looking after them anymore and feel guilty that i have to leave them during the day that i feel i can't leave them at night to cos it's just not fair on them! Everything is such a struggle and i'm not living at the moment, just existing and its miserable.

Think i'm going to get my budget together tonight and post on here so your guys can advise me.

Thanks for the messages, its appreciated!
Jannine

You should be feeling better than this on anti-depressants: I am a qualified pharmacy technician, a qualified personal trainer and live with depression, anxiety and insomnia myself!! I would suggest you return to your GP and ask if it would be possible to either adjust your dose or to try another medication ... it is very common that the first or second combination does not suit. If you are not sleeping there are several anti-depressants with sedative properties - I take mirtazepine but there are others.

There will be physical activity or mental health groups which you can join and take your dogs along - I would ask at your GP practice and Google mental health charities or environmental groups in the area. PM me on any of this if you would prefer to talk about your health in private or post again on here and I will check back. :A

http://www.lancastercvs.org.uk/
http://www.virtual-lancaster.net/whatson/regulars.htm
http://www.walkinginlancs.co.uk/groups.htm
http://www.lancasterwalkinggroup.co.uk/Programme.html
http://www.ldcv.org/
http://www.eastlancshealthyminds.nhs.uk/
http://www.transitioncitylancaster.org/

janninew

Fire_Fox wrote: »

You should be feeling better than this on anti-depressants: I am a qualified pharmacy technician, a qualified personal trainer and live with depression, anxiety and insomnia myself!! I would suggest you return to your GP and ask if it would be possible to either adjust your dose or to try another medication ... it is very common that the first or second combination does not suit. If you are not sleeping there are several anti-depressants with sedative properties - I take mirtazepine but there are others.

There will be physical activity or mental health groups which you can join and take your dogs along - I would ask at your GP practice and Google mental health charities or environmental groups in the area. PM me on any of this if you would prefer to talk about your health in private or post again on here and I will check back. :A

http://www.lancastercvs.org.uk/
http://www.virtual-lancaster.net/whatson/regulars.htm
http://www.walkinginlancs.co.uk/groups.htm
http://www.lancasterwalkinggroup.co.uk/Programme.html
http://www.ldcv.org/
http://www.eastlancshealthyminds.nhs.uk/
http://www.transitioncitylancaster.org/

Thanks for this Firefox,

I have got an appointment to see my GP a week on Thursday and i'm going to explain how i've been feeling to him. My moods are so up and down at the moment, one day i'm fine, the next i can't get out of bed. My diet is terrible, i know i'm not helping by not eating properly but i just can't stomach food sometimes. I use to eat really well and was very fit (my ex is a personal trainer/instructor as well!) My weight has now dropped to just below 7 stone, i'm normally around 9 stone. I sleep ok, but sometimes wake up in the night and feel very anxious/worried. I normally can't get back to sleep so end up watching telly until i fall asleep again. I know i'm depressed because some days i just done see the point in living. I use to wear make up, paint my nails and just try and make the best of myself. For the past year i just can't be bothered and think whats the point, nobody's gonna care. Feeling sad when i type this because it sounds so pathetic.

I will ask my GP about another medication, i have tried a few and some haven't agreed with me and made me feel very poorly, so i'm a little apprehensive about different tablets.

Thanks for the links, i'm gonna look at them tonight.
Jannine x

Wol2

Hiello hello it's me ( Again :eek:)

"My moods are so up and down at the moment, one day i'm fine, the next i can't get out of bed. My diet is terrible, i know i'm not helping by not eating properly but i just can't stomach food sometimes. I use to eat really well and was very fit (my ex is a personal trainer/instructor as well!) My weight has now dropped to just below 7 stone, i'm normally around 9 stone. I sleep ok, but sometimes wake up in the night and feel very anxious/worried. I normally can't get back to sleep so end up watching telly until i fall asleep again. I know i'm depressed because some days i just done see the point in living. I use to wear make up, paint my nails and just try and make the best of myself. For the past year i just can't be bothered and think whats the point, nobody's gonna care. Feeling sad when i type this because it sounds so pathetic."

Not pathetic..and please don;t feel sad.......so sorry Hun but this is actually "par for the course". The sleepless nights are down to STRESS...and I never understood what REAL stress was until I suddenly started getting night sweats..could drench three beds in one night.......lost 2 stone in four weeks....brain lost the plot totally...spent the next 6 months in a dressing gown and couldn;t remember where I'd last left the vacuum cleaner...(dropped in the middle of the lounge floor after two minutes of trying to clean up)..........One seriously capable, highly thought of, extremerly effective, productive and active multi-tasking business woman....... turned to complete "mush" overnight.....and have spent the last two years baby stepping. :cool:

When you feel ready, you WILL start to paint your nails again, (I started 6 months ago) when you feel ready, you WILL start to put on a bit of eyeliner.(I did, after a year)......Right now...your brain is telling you that you aint ready..cos you have other more imporatnat things to deal with......but you are trying to over-ride it because this is not what you are used to and judging yourself accordingly.

Well I for one say this....what you feel/is going through is completely NORMAL......you may feel like you have lost control/lost the plot..and judge yourself accordingly to your own (clearly) very high standards......but you need to ride the waves at the moment cos your brain/emotions have a lot to deal with...and all the more so because they are trying to live up to your expectations and failing miserably cos they have other things on their plate atm....hence why you need to step back, chill, be gentle with yourself

And duvet days are GOOD!! Coz they look after you and put YOU first (possibly for the first itme ever and BTW...... I still have them once every two weeks :cool:)

And breathe........

Janine Hun, you will have good days and bad days...it will take as long as it takes........please be kind to yourself..you are what/who you are at the moment ......regardless of who you used to be......you certainly deserve a bit of kindness after all you;ve been through and where better to start than yourself

I'm so sorry but i have to report that there is no quick fix for this.......my way of muddling through was to (very luckily) find (and pay for privately)....an exceptional psychotherapist (I didn;t accept the docs presciption cos it was important that I did it all for myself and not take any medication......however I have to say I used booze and calls every night to the Samaritans instead )

My psychotherapist has referred friends of mine to someone in Manchester area if you are interested....I can PM you address.

Big hugs coming your way
Wol2
xxx

tealady

Hiya.
Wol is so right (as usual). Stress and depression really do knock it out of you so your body needs time and space to get better.
Some tablets suit some people better than others so check with your doctor or pharmacist to see whats out there.
I see you have dogs, is there a dog walking group nearby? It could be a good way of getting exercise and meeting people. You don't have to tell them anything you don't want to, from my experience most dog walkers just generally want to walk and chat about their pets.

Fire_Fox

janninew wrote: »

Thanks for this Firefox,

I have got an appointment to see my GP a week on Thursday and i'm going to explain how i've been feeling to him. My moods are so up and down at the moment, one day i'm fine, the next i can't get out of bed. My diet is terrible, i know i'm not helping by not eating properly but i just can't stomach food sometimes. I use to eat really well and was very fit (my ex is a personal trainer/instructor as well!) My weight has now dropped to just below 7 stone, i'm normally around 9 stone. I sleep ok, but sometimes wake up in the night and feel very anxious/worried. I normally can't get back to sleep so end up watching telly until i fall asleep again. I know i'm depressed because some days i just done see the point in living. I use to wear make up, paint my nails and just try and make the best of myself. For the past year i just can't be bothered and think whats the point, nobody's gonna care. Feeling sad when i type this because it sounds so pathetic.

I will ask my GP about another medication, i have tried a few and some haven't agreed with me and made me feel very poorly, so i'm a little apprehensive about different tablets.

Thanks for the links, i'm gonna look at them tonight.
Jannine x

It doesn't sound pathetic it sounds like depression! You will know what I mean when I say depression thinks in a downward spiral, depression dwells on the bad stuff in life and depression always chooses the most hopeless path for the future as being the most likely. This is depression not reality. Your thread has had 700 views and 27 responses already - so obviously someone cares and not just anyone, the DFW posse! :cool:

It's difficult for the tablets to work effectively, or to sit well on your stomach, if you aren't able to eat well. Without adequate calories you will produce adrenaline, the stress hormone, which will make you feel physically dreadful. I dropped down to about seven stone at my worst, my stomach was concave. Food made me feel sick as I had constant butterflies and jittery hands. You need carbohydrates and proteins in food to be able to convert to happy hormones and sleep hormones in your brain.

Options are to forget water/ tea/ coffee/ solid food and drink fresh milk, smoothies (use a banana), thin yoghurts, fruit juice, build-up drinks which you can get on prescription. Usually fluids will go down fine, don't need any preparing and they still have the nutrients your body needs. Do you think you could manage this?

Numpty_Monkey

Hi Hun

I'm the one Wol mentioned about condensing epic posts:p:confused: she does waffle on a bit:p
but sometimes you need to leave them as they are:A:T
From what I can read and understand, you are scared and feel alone,
you are not alone:j, Debt , Depression and panic , a lot of us have been there, :osome are still there;) and the rest of us working our way out:T
The thing to remember about depression is " it is a chemical inbalance " in the brain, lots of of things that end -- phins go for a wonder and the anti D's put them back in order
As others have sugguested sometimes anti D's are a bit hit and miss at the start, it took 5 go's to find the right ones for me:cool:, So don't lose heart talk to your doc:A

I might have a look at your SOA :T:T
you are not alone as FF says you now have the DFW posse with you:T:A:T

PS the guinea pigs are eating a Dandelion leaf I took down for them all:rotfl:

myothercarisaferrari

aaah you're a bit too far from me, I dont have a car anymore.

Join www.dogpages.co.uk, there are bound to be people on there near you. You can meet up for walks etc :money: