Help scared and worried

kissjenn

SkintNScared wrote: »

What you need to understand is that it is almost impossible to accept coming from a lifestyle of big houses, top of the range cars, eating out 3 times a week. having exotic holidays, and not really giving much thought to money to one where we will be in a one bedroom flat, claiming jobseekers, no holidays, no money and a ropey £500 car. I know we need to change, but it is hard to comprehend in the space of 24 hours and it doesn't feel real.

Hubby works in a very specialised field so fingers crossed he will be OK job wise, he has already had a few leads from the recruiters today so fingers crossed. My line of work was less specialised and harder to find employment in at the moment.

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Go read the diary boards. We've stockbrokers, lawyers, accountants, project managers, consultants and contractors. Lots of us earned what you guys had and more, that's not unusual, you're not the elite - you simply think that you are.

What is annoying people is your attitude. Those that come for help, and I include myself listen and don't throw it back in people's faces.

Your OH may get a job tomorrow and you'll be £26k better off, or he may find it's a long haul. If you don't see this for the wake up call it is then it'll continue. You may have an amusing dinner anecdote next month ("Darling the horror of Sainsbury Value Brand") but it'll be less amusing when the bailiffs come or you declare bankrupcy and let every one else pick up the mess.

Look at Seawyxn or MrsCMR diaries. Same boat, different attitude and have the backing of everyone.

newlywed

The thing is, as you start to make cuts and sacrifices in your budget, you will soon realise some aren't too painful to make and then you can look for more.

Why not list down all of the advice here - even those you think too extreme and then see how near you can get to it without actually having a panic attack.

Then in a month, when you realise you are still alive and coping, look again and try to cut down even more.


That's what we did - but we did have income at the time. The stuff I thought we couldn't possibly cut down, we did, and have.

Skint_Catt

You might be 'used' to spending £25,000 - £50,000 on a new car but that's why you're in the position you are in! :rolleyes:

Yes, I could spend that on credit too! But I don't because I don't want to find myself in the situation you are. Simples!

LeeSouthEast

SkintNScared wrote: »

What you need to understand is that it is almost impossible to accept coming from a lifestyle of big houses, top of the range cars, eating out 3 times a week. having exotic holidays, and not really giving much thought to money to one where we will be in a one bedroom flat, claiming jobseekers, no holidays, no money and a ropey £500 car. I know we need to change, but it is hard to comprehend in the space of 24 hours and it doesn't feel real.

You can to a degree, see where she is coming from. It took me almost 8 months to fully get my outgoings under control, managed, and down to the bare minimum. In December I was spending on average £200 more than I was earning. I am on the same wage but now throw over £1,500 of my income every month now on repayments. My quality of life has INCREASED. I have shed my consumerist, materialistic ways and now see through the sham of our society. 'Things' do not make us happy. The more 'things' you have, the more you need, and the more they cost you day in, day out.

It will take you time to adjust, SnS. I think deep down (assuming this isn't a wind-up), everyone understands that. It's a massive change and shock to comprehend in 24 hours, and I think you've done very well so far.

You need to HOPE for the best (e.g. getting what you want for the house, getting new jobs soon, etc) but PLAN for the worst: house doesn't sell, or sells for considerably less than planned (£250k etc), you or your husband remain unemployed for a year or more, and so on.

You still don't seem to understand how fragile your situation actually is. I hope you do soon.

Jesthar

Hmm - I think I can see that lightbulb starting to flicker on A few more comments for you below:

SkintNScared wrote: »

Wow, lots of posts... too many questions and statements for me to address but will say this

I realise we have been living beyond our means, but unless you have been in the same situation as us it is probably difficult to contend with the thought. We were earning good money in good jobs and had a very enjoyable lifestyle (beyond our means, yes, but I didnt realise this until hubby told me how much he was in debt by, I didn't realise the cars were on HP nor did I realise he had a large CC balance) although I am just as guilty, as I have a large CC balance and storecards too.
Well, if you learn one thing from this shock, let it be that you need to sit down and do your finances together at least once a month from now on!

I very much appreciate the comments and help/suggestions offered. So far, we've managed to cut down the monthly expenditure by nearly £2k based on your suggestions alone - I AM listening. What you need to understand is that it is almost impossible to accept coming from a lifestyle of big houses, top of the range cars, eating out 3 times a week. having exotic holidays, and not really giving much thought to money to one where we will be in a one bedroom flat, claiming jobseekers, no holidays, no money and a ropey £500 car. I know we need to change, but it is hard to comprehend in the space of 24 hours and it doesn't feel real.
True - "If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor," right? You'll get the hang of it, though, and you'll be better off for it, in more ways than just financially.

You still need to do a lot more, though - 2k may lot to knock off your expenditure in your eyes, but most people don't even have 2k a month to live on - I don't. As I said, you have to plan for the worst, that way anything else is a bonus!

Incidentally, £500 cars don't need to be ropey - my first car cost not much more than that, and was as reliable as they come!

Hubby works in a very specialised field so fingers crossed he will be OK job wise, he has already had a few leads from the recruiters today so fingers crossed. My line of work was less specialised and harder to find employment in at the moment.
That's good news - but DON'T let it stop your progression down the moneysaving route, though, as you were in desparate need of that anyway. You MUST plan for the worst and assume another job might not come along for several months - don't bank on what you don't have.

This isn't a wind up. I wish it was!! Sorry if my comments offended anyone, but *to me* £5k for a car IS cheap, I'm used to spending 5/10 x that when we decide to change.
Well, you have to remember we think at the opposite end of the budgetary scale, so there is going to be some clash of thinking at the outset. And you DO still need to get a good and realistic viewpoint on your situation, especially if you are to avoid repeating the habits which landed you in so much debt despite good wages in the first place. If you go back there you will wind up bankrupt, so a major viewpoint shift is still going to be required.

Oh.. and I spent £55 in Sainsbury's, nearly half what I usually do.
Decent start - next challenge, make that last all week!

I'm going to give you a *hug* at this point, as you've had a lot of tough love since starting this thread, and you're sticking with us. The situation you find yourself in is NOT nice, and has been a horrible shock for you.

However - boy, did you need that wakeup call! Playing fast and free with the cash has come back to bite you on the bum in a major way, and could do again if you don't learn from this and amend your spending habits and expectations. As it is, IF hubbie gets a new job and IF you sell the house at a decent price in a decent timeframe, AND you make all the cutbacks mentioned so far and more, then you can possibly work yourself free of debt in a a few years time or so. It's going to be a hard slog, but the more you start thinking Moneysaving, the quicker this mess will go away.

~Jes

misspoppy

HI

I think its clear that SnS is listening but is in shock, can you imagine your other half telling you you were in £75k of debt you didn't know about? Lets concentrate on being supportive she may have a tough time at home getting hubby onboard with this as his head seems to be well and truely in the sand.

Skint_Catt

misspoppy wrote: »

can you imagine your other half telling you you were in £75k of debt you didn't know about?

I'd be too scared to spend another penny! :eek:

newlywed

Skint_Catt wrote: »

I'd be too scared to spend another penny! :eek:

But the other scale would be my initial reaction to my total debt of over £30k - what difference is another £50 going to make on THAT??

But it does make a difference as it all adds up - just sometimes it takes a while for that to sink in.;)

GeorgeUK

I would stress again that you should look at the documentation for your cards, loans and mortgage. You may already have paid for 1 years protection and should make sure this starts up straight away so that your credit rating isn't damaged too much.

If you have any bank charges or credit card charges you could try to reclaim these.
If the Payment Protection Isurance (PPI) doesn't pay out but you have it, you can claim it back as being missold.
Take a look at the council tax banding of your house and make sure it is in the correct tax bracket - if not reclaim.

Take another look at a blank SOA and select only things that are needed to survive - absolute necessities. Fill in the values of what is owed and required on that and you will hopefulyl be closer to a more realistic value of what you need to live on and can then hopefully work on getting there. After you reach that you can then start about paying the secondary debts.

The primary debts are:
mortgage (which may have PPI)
secured and HP debts (which may have PPI or you may be able to do a voluntary termination)
Utilities (which you may be able to reduce by turning everything off at the mains when not in use or using a comparison site such as uswitch for a better deal)
Groceries - have a look at the old style board and plan meals before buying ingredients. Cook from scratch.

Secondary debts are CC bills and loans - unsecured debts.

Mobile (change to a different tariff or PAYG)
Satelite/internet (combine or take freeview)
clothing - don't buy anything new. Use what you have until you know where you are financially.
Insurances - again look at the comparison sites (moneysupermarket, uswitch) to see you are getting the best deal.
Presents - reduce. Can't afford £75 every month.
Haircuts - how about every other month or finding a cheaper alternative?
Entertainment - half this if you can. You can't afford to have fun
Holiday - on hold for a while. You need to have a source of income before you can spend it.

We can look at the cards later, but they are not the priority. You need to protect the house and have enough for bills and food. You can't even afford these basics right now so you need to see what beneifts you may be entitled to and how much you can reduce the bills by.

How much have you paid towards the cars so far? If more than 1/3 of the original cost then they need to go to court before they can repossess them. Hopefully PPI covers this and your other credit debts.

RAS

Thanks for your post. Yes we do realise what it is like to go from castles to crummy.

When the bailiffs turned up to repossess our home, we went from a 5 bed-room ancient property to a caravan and then a council house which had a smaller floor area than our old play-room.

It was not funny and we went hungry and cold sometimes but what we here and now are trying to to is prevent you ending up in the same sort of situation.

SkintNScared wrote: »

I realise we have been living beyond our means, but unless you have been in the same situation as us it is probably difficult to contend with the thought. We were earning good money in good jobs and had a very enjoyable lifestyle (beyond our means, yes, but I didnt realise this until hubby told me how much he was in debt by.....

My guess is that hubby has felt the need to deliver the goodies even if the income was not there?

You guys need to have a heart to heart - if nothing else so he does not feel like a complete failure for effing up, losing his job and failing to manage financially.

I didn't realise the cars were on HP nor did I realise he had a large CC balance although I am just as guilty, as I have a large CC balance and storecards too.

As said, you need to talk. It looks like there is a long-term problem here if you were not aware of the HP deals. How and why did that happen?

I very much appreciate the comments and help/suggestions offered. So far, we've managed to cut down the monthly expenditure by nearly £2k based on your suggestions alone - I AM listening. What you need to understand is that it is almost impossible to accept coming from a lifestyle of big houses, top of the range cars, eating out 3 times a week. having exotic holidays, and not really giving much thought to money to one where we will be in a one bedroom flat, claiming jobseekers, no holidays, no money and a ropey £500 car.

It is hard but what is even more true is that even if hubby gets back into work tomorrow, you have major debt problems. My own assessment before I read Martin's advice here was that debt exceeding a year's salary was dangerous. If hubby gets back to work, you will have debts around twice your income.

Having said that there are a fair few folks on here with £100Kish debts and high income tackling it successfully. Read some of the diaries.

I know we need to change, but it is hard to comprehend in the space of 24 hours and it doesn't feel real.

Ok, so you need time. Take it as long as you need, in the next week or so.

Hubby works in a very specialised field so fingers crossed he will be OK job wise, he has already had a few leads from the recruiters today so fingers crossed. My line of work was less specialised and harder to find employment in at the moment.

This isn't a wind up. I wish it was!! Sorry if my comments offended anyone, but *to me* £5k for a car IS cheap, I'm used to spending 5/10 x that when we decide to change.

Which is how you got here because neither of you asked, what can we afford?

Remember Robert the Bruce watching the spider? Well if you try and try and try again to do the same thing, you fail. You need to be prepared to do the opposite to what you are used to, because some of that stuff will work for you.

Oh.. and I spent £55 in Sainsbury's, nearly half what I usually do.

Well done.