keeping in touch with nephews and nieces when the parents dont speak

Curious_George_2

a few months ago we had a huge family fall out, and i dont suppose my sister and I will ever speak again, not long after it all happened she moved abroad,
i will still see my 5 year old niece through my mother (who practically raised the kid when she was in this country anyway, so will no doubt have the joy of "babysitting" for at least 2 weeks of the summer holiday) it will be awkward though, my niece is only emotionally attached to my mother, everyone else struggles to get a word out of her let alone any affection... but thats due to the appalling mothering skills of my ex sister. It sounds horrible but if we never saw her again it wouldnt feel like we had lost anything.

My daughter who previously thought the sun shined out of aunties bum has no interest in seeing her again, and as auntie never really bothered with my son (who is now only 21 months) he wont ever know her...

i honestly dont care about the loss of that side of the family, the only thing that bothers me is how my mothers attitude changes when she has been with them for a few days... its almost like a brainwashing thing
i just let them get on with it,
my little bit of the family would be a lot happier if the lot of them left us alone

belfastgirl23

The_Banker wrote: »

Yep I always laugh when I hear people say that they never want kids because they have plenty of nephews and nieces. They must think that nephews and nieces will always want to know them and keep in touch with them.:rolleyes:

mind you, you can't bet on that with kids either

michelefauk

Hi
I dont speak to my brother if I can help it, I really dont like him and he is not the sort of person I would wish to spend time with. But he has a 5 yr old son who my 4 yr old daughter adores. My mum looks after my nephew quite a lot so always tells me when he is visting so that my little girl can go there (to my mums house) and see her cousin. He has come to my daughter's birthday parties and she to his, always arranged by my mum and dad.
They get on really well together which is lovely to see, and it isnt my nephew's fault that his father is a ******!
HTH

red_devil

michelefauk wrote: »

Hi
I dont speak to my brother if I can help it, I really dont like him and he is not the sort of person I would wish to spend time with. But he has a 5 yr old son who my 4 yr old daughter adores. My mum looks after my nephew quite a lot so always tells me when he is visting so that my little girl can go there (to my mums house) and see her cousin. He has come to my daughter's birthday parties and she to his, always arranged by my mum and dad.
They get on really well together which is lovely to see, and it isnt my nephew's fault that his father is a ******!
HTH

thats ok while your mum is around to help make it happen. What would happen if she wasnt though? Would they not see each other.

michelefauk

Probably not, although as my mum is only 59 I am hoping she will be around for quite some time yet!

tiamaria

I think it's very sad when siblings don't speak, but that's because I don't have any - wish I did!

nuttywoman

tiamaria wrote: »

I think it's very sad when siblings don't speak, but that's because I don't have any - wish I did!

It is sad yes, i know first hand. I come from a big family and last year 2 of my sisters fell out - they are two of a kind and i believe if they were left to get on with it , they would have sorted everything out by now. But no! one of them had to drag other sisters into the argument :mad: so now they not speaking to one of them !!! Its 3 against one now, and not fair !!
Me ? i`m keeping out of it all and i`ve said to them i`m not going on anymore family ` do`s ` because i don`t do atmosphere`s .:mad:
I just wish they`d sort it out , i did try but got ` shouted at ` so they can get on with it as far as i`m concerned .
BTW the sister they`re not talking to, i`m off on holiday with her next week lol

michelefauk

I agree, it is sad when siblings don't speak. The problem with my brother is that I just dont like him, he is not someone I would choose to spend any time with,and I have little enough spare time to spend with the people I do like, let alone wasting it on people I have nothing in common with other than we have the same parents! He is just not a nice person, and it annoys my mum and dad that I dont want to join in with anything that involves him, but that's just the way it is.

Hectors_House

I'm not in contact with any aunts or uncles but stop to speak to them if I see them at the local supermarket.

I have no contact with their sons and daughters.

For me it wasn't so much a huge argument that caused a split more that both my parents come from very fractured homes.

My father was the result of an affair his mother had with her sister's husband. Dad is in his sixties now and has had very little contact with his father's side of the family. I have never met any of them and wouldn't know them if they came up to me in the street. I never met his father.

My mother was the result of our grandma's first marriage. All her brothers and sisters were the result of the second marriage to a man who took every opportunity to let her know she wasn't his. This behaviour was passed on to his kids but they either don't know or care to forget what he meeted out to her. I suspect there was sexual abuse as she was eventually taken out of the family to live with her own aunty and they grew up more like sisters.

By the time I was 5 my little family had emigrated to New Zealand. We came back to the UK for 5 years, and I have vague memories of my step-aunties two daughters cus my parents would invite them out on day trips with us. We then emigrated to Australia and I didn't come back to the UK until I was in my mid-20s.

I spent my first year back in the UK living with my step-aunt and uncle but it felt odd. I didn't really fit in cus I had no concept of the way they lived (they thought me very brash) and I didn't remember any of the people they talked about and I think they thought I should remember them and show an interest. Also my uncle tried to tell me that he thought my father had been up to no good when my Mum was in hospital having me. He didn't seem to understand that that is my parent's history, not mine. My folks have had their ups and downs but stayed together cus they didn't want their own children coming from a broken home like they had.

My mother has had a off-on relationship with her step-sisters and step-brothers. The men are fine but the sister is showing signs of the mental issues her father had and did not speak to my mother for three years after she felt she'd been deliberately slighted at a family funeral.

I recall taking Christmas cards around to their house before this happened and the place was full of children. I was introduced to them as Auntie Hectors House and had no clue who they were. I baby sat them for the afternoon so at least they've met me once.

I think my extended family think I keep away cus I'm some kind of snob. I'm not. I just have no connection to these people and my parents, understandably have chosen to tell us very little about the way they have been treated.

They made sure we knew the older generation of my Mum's family though but they are all gone now. I miss them.

mspig

I don't really know my cousins - just a quick hi if their at my grandparent house when i go but that about it, not seen my aunties/uncles since i was a little girl.
My husband doesn't have anything to do with his brother and sister and my children have nothing to do with them either, including birthday cards etc and they have been told not to even bother with Birthday or christmas presents, they are horrible people and i don't want them part of my kids lives.