My Soa thingymajig

euronorris

sdt1986 wrote: »

And yes i do have to make sacrifices, but if i stay in for the next 5 years of my life in order to get out of debt, then whilst all my mates have settled down (which is already starting to happen) then what am i... a debtless single lonely 27 year old, what good is that.

You're only 22!!! I know how it feels though, I've been there. There's nothing worse than being the 'single one' in your group of friends. Everyone starts going out in couples and you're just left feeling like your sat on the edge of it all. Wanting what they have.

But.......not all relationships are what they seem from the outisde. I'm sure a few of your friends will split up with their current gf's before they settle down properly.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. I'm only 26 now, been with my bf with a year and a half. Now, whilst I wanted a relationship for some time, if you had said to to me 2 years ago that I would meet someone, fall in love and move country, I would've laughed in your face and told you not be so stupid. But it happens, there's no set time for when it happens, or how it happens. Everyone is different.

You could still socialise with your mates at things like concerts, festivals, sunday football, bbq's, loads of things. You just need to think back to all of the stuff that you used to love before you were old enough to drink.

Also, think about what you really, really enjoy doing and get involved in that again, get your friends involved.

You could always join a dance class. There's never enough guys at them, but plenty of women! They'll love you for simply trying! But...not sure if dancing is your thing. If I suggested the same to my bf he would just laugh at me! But, everyone's different and you may love dancing, I don't know.

Think about it. Start thinking about other things you enjoy.

Mrs._Irwin

DH is in a band, goes to gigs sometimes, was in a Sunday League footy team for a bit, but as we are skint, mostly doesn't go out drinking. Before we had our son we'd have mates round all the time.
I met him through a college friend.

I honestly don't think snogging some random after 10 bottles of Smirnoff Ice is a good place to start a relationship, and if that's what you're after then you're barking up the wrong tree.

BeautyandtheBeast_3

You want to go out and have a good time - dont we all!!! i cant remember when we last went out and got trollied!!!
What i would suggest is get a bar job in a trendy part of town - plenty of ladies will start to flock towards you. Your mtes can come and join you and you never know you may click up with a nice young lady working behind the bar.

There is more to life than drinking and getting so drunk you cant remember what happened, but i do agree that its a game of catch up if you meet your mates later (well was i was young - pass me my walking stick boy!).

Its all about moderation - nobody is saying dont go out just restrict yourself to one night a week or 2 times a month. Extra JOB = extra cash = new opportunities to meet MIss Right!!

Then once you have miss right, Swap the Drunken lads night every friday for a relaxed loved up session with the girlf!

See i do have a plan - maybe cloudy but its there somewhere xxx

sdt1986

Mrs._Irwin wrote: »

I honestly don't think snogging some random after 10 bottles of Smirnoff Ice is a good place to start a relationship, and if that's what you're after then you're barking up the wrong tree.

Im male :rotfl:

Thats not what im after, prime example, mates bird has a female friend that she wanted to meet (i dont do set ups normally) so where did we meet, the pub, no nightclub nonsense and no getting smashed nonsense, 6-8 pints, loosened up and away we go still sober and out meeting someone, that really doesnt relate to getting smashed and snogging a random that im not going to see after tomorrow morning . :A

Anyways, im not looking for relationship advice to be fair I was just stating one of the reasons i felt the need to go out.

euronorris

Yeah, I know you didn't ask for relationship advice, but....seeing as meeting someone is one of your main reasons for going out and spending money, it is an issue that needs to be addressed. So, we offered suggestions on ways to meet people that didn't involve drinking loads and spending loads.

Anyway, 6-8 pints is not sober! lol. If I drank that much, I'd be on the floor! lol

Try arranging some of the things we have suggested and see how you get on. I bet you have loads of fun, and save loads too.

Have you started your spending diary yet? Start it TODAY! Write down everything you spend, and I mean everything. Even if it's less than a pound. You will be shocked where it all goes, but.....it means you will be better prepared for next month and more aware of where your surplus is going.

It's amazing how much we all tend to spend on things like lunches and the odd can of drink or packet of crisps etc. I started taking lunches to work with me and saved a small fortune each month.

I also don't have (easy) access to a vending machine anymore, which I used to in the UK. That has saved me loads of money AND I've lost over a stone since I moved here as a result. The only vending machine is on the ground floor (im on 6th) and I'm simply too lazy to go downstairs everytime I feel peckish. I've now changed my habits as a result.

I hate to think how much I wasted on vending machines. A can of diet coke, packet of crisps and chocolate bar, every morning and afternoon at work! I should've been huge for the amount I was eating!

Jesthar

sdt1986 wrote: »

And yes i do have to make sacrifices, but if i stay in for the next 5 years of my life in order to get out of debt, then whilst all my mates have settled down (which is already starting to happen) then what am i... a debtless single lonely 27 year old, what good is that.

Its not about having my cake and eating it either im afraid, its more to do with the fact that i need to find a happy compromise, where i still have a social life that gets me out but also where im not scraping for money for food. All being well in december my pay review should sort this.

Heh, no-one said that you had to stay in for for the next five years of your life! Just that it might be wise to try and spend less money when DO go out. There's a big difference there!

Besides, the relationship stuff aside, the whole going out thing IS about your money. The MSE philosophy is about spotting areas in your life where you are overspending (by however much), and trying to address those areas. Now, at the moment you are spending so much money on going out, you are struggling to buy food, which is definitely the wrong way round from how things should be.

From experience, it's perfectly possible to enjoy a trip out to the pubs and clubs without excessive alcohol - I did it at my sisters he weekend, even singing on the mic on at one nightclub! (In tune, too, unlike most other people... ) I just took a £20 note with me, if memory serves, with a bit extra for a split taxi back at the end (as other people in the party definitely were, in the words of Mike Macintyre, 'utterly gazeboed' ) - still had about half left after, even after the nightclub entry.

The trick is to learn how to enjoy yourself on a budget, which means you need to ask yourself some questions. For example, do you NEED that much alcohol to enjoy a trip out? If the answer is 'no', then you already know you could spend less, you just need to work on the willpower and mechanisms to help you stick to a budget. If the answer is 'yes', though, you need to ask yourself why - both why do you need the alcohol to enjoy a night out, and why do you go if you can't enjoy unless you are drunk?

There are plenty of ways to reduce the cost of a night out without reducing the enjoyment - choose cheaper drinks, make them last longer, have a few cans at home before you go out to reduce what you buy when out, take only a specific amount of money with you and no cards etc.

Or, as the others have said, how about trying something completely different? My best friend met her husband at her Salsa class, for example (and yes, the previous poster was right about dance clubs, the women ALWAYS outnumber the men by a long way). There are plenty of evening activites you can try other than pubs and clubs, too. You just have to give them a try.

And,m oh yes - speaking as a lassie who is still waiting for Mr Right, I'd much sooner have a dancer than a drinker

~Jes

Fire_Fox

I generally spend £20 to £30 on my nights out and it's rare I don't get sh*tfaced. Either we go to the pubs which we know sell drinkable wine for £6-8 a bottle and do a lock in or we drink at home then go to a club on one of the cheaper nights or at the cheaper time. Never get food when I am out, and try to avoid taxis (walk or bus if poss).

Katie-Kat-Kins

How about getting a five a side team together and playing on a week night after work? You could still go for a pint after if you wanted to but as it would be nearly closing time you'd only have time for one but you'd still be spending time with your mates, and maybe making some more friends too.

You need to work out ways to socialise with your mates that are acceptable and cheaper. If you really enjoyed big nights out on the town you would be able to enjoy them sober or near sober, the fact you can't suggests that you actually never enjoy them that much but the drink is clouding your memory. Being designated driver is a great excuse for a free night out, your mates will buy you coke all night and pay your entry for a free ride home. Training for your run is a good excuse for going teetotal for a month or so too while saving face. Honestly try it for a while you might be surprised how much of a good time you can have. My ex had to give up alcohol for a year and he still went clubbing and to gigs every week, went drinking with the footie team etc and had fun.

The other posters are right about finding a hobby with a good male female ratio too, it is good for meeting potential girlfriends but also mates, both female friends and male friends. The few guys normally bond quite quickly, the women who aren't potential girlfriends become mates you can socialise with and you might meet a serious girlfriend. I met my OH horse riding, the ratio of men to women is typically 1:10 or better!

sdt1986

KatP wrote: »

How about getting a five a side team together and playing on a week night after work? You could still go for a pint after if you wanted to but as it would be nearly closing time you'd only have time for one but you'd still be spending time with your mates, and maybe making some more friends too.

We generally play on a monday night, then we go to the pub where its monday club and its £1.39 a pint, been doing that years. I occassionally swerve it when im skint towards the end of the month or busy with work. Thats what i did last night however i skipped the football, went out at 5:45 with a friend from work, she went home around 7:30ish i think then i went and met the lads in the pub and got home about 10. Always a cheap and fun night monday.

KatP wrote: »

You need to work out ways to socialise with your mates that are acceptable and cheaper. If you really enjoyed big nights out on the town you would be able to enjoy them sober or near sober, the fact you can't suggests that you actually never enjoy them that much but the drink is clouding your memory. Being designated driver is a great excuse for a free night out, your mates will buy you coke all night and pay your entry for a free ride home. Training for your run is a good excuse for going teetotal for a month or so too while saving face. Honestly try it for a while you might be surprised how much of a good time you can have. My ex had to give up alcohol for a year and he still went clubbing and to gigs every week, went drinking with the footie team etc and had fun.

Yeah there is many occassion for example on mondays where i havent drunk, its fine i dont mind that, because no one is getting !!!!ed, but on a weekend i cant do that, its okay at the start of the night but the rest of the night begins to frustrate me. We dont help the fact that we only have one pint per bar, meaning its constant drinking, if we were say having two pints in one bar then id quite happily have just the one pint in the space of their two (unless it were going down too well), its the fact i always need a drink in my hand to feel comfortable. Being des would be okay if i drove.

KatP wrote: »

The other posters are right about finding a hobby with a good male female ratio too, it is good for meeting potential girlfriends but also mates, both female friends and male friends. The few guys normally bond quite quickly, the women who aren't potential girlfriends become mates you can socialise with and you might meet a serious girlfriend. I met my OH horse riding, the ratio of men to women is typically 1:10 or better!

All very well and good suggesting hobbies but hobbies can cost just as much if not more than drinking, fishing being a prime example, right rip off that thing. Also please dont suggest such things as dancing, as i have said I am male (no offence to any males that dance )
Ive often thought it would be great if we had something else other than the pub but we never find anything, the whole reason I started the football team was 4 years ago i was an every night pub man (its the time i was made redundant and racked up debt like no tomorrow, regret those days man at the same time as absolutely loving them) so we found a new hobby but like always that turned into the pub as well (couldnt knock it at those prices mind)
apart from that i cant really think of anything we would all want to do.

Not trying to be akward with suggestions either, im just being realistic.

Jesthar

sdt1986 wrote: »

All very well and good suggesting hobbies but hobbies can cost just as much if not more than drinking, fishing being a prime example, right rip off that thing. Also please dont suggest such things as dancing, as i have said I am male (no offence to any males that dance )

Heh, shame - in my book real men DO dance - couldn't consider a man who didn't, really!

Hobbies don't need to be expensive, for example my archery club required annual membership (which wasn't much) and about £5 a week, and you just used the club kit. I did buy my own gear after a while, but there was no need to if I didn't want to.