My Soa thingymajig

Katie-Kat-Kins

The answer is clear you need to grow a backbone and start having the courage to be less of a sheep where your mates are concerned. Just because they want to go on to a club doesn't mean you have to! Just go home! Stop caving into peer pressure and being so easily lead. There is nothing wrong with saying "I'm sorry I can't afford to go to a club tonight".

You might find that if you start planning some nights that cost a little less some of your mates are secretly glad because they can't afford it either. You might have more fun too. You might meet a girl if you try something different as well, you know what they say - if you keep putting in the same you'll get the same out! Or something like that, what I mean is going out on the town clearly isn't helping you meet women so try something else.

There are loads of ideas for cheap things to do and people will post lots of ideas if you ask, try going to the local instead of into town, try entertaining mates at home, taking turns to play host, go to the pictures, find out about concessions or reduced prices if you like the theatre, consider doing a class or joining a sports team. Try meeting women through your mates and their girlfriends too, organise a party and everyone has to bring a single friend, plan it so there are equal numbers of each sex.

That entertainment budget really is your biggest problem and it is easily solved. But you need a bit of willpower to solve it.....

Good luck

tasha-debt

Hi SDT,

The house you live in, do you have spare rooms, would your parents let you have a lodger, you could splitt the money with them and clear your debts then start to budget better?

Other idea, if you only go out Friday nights why not look for a Saturday night job, in a club or bar etc, would mean you where out all weekend and earning extra money to clear your debts, then once debts are clear you would be in a really good position to be able to go out and have some money spare for savings etc.

I stupiedly built a lot of my debt up from going out far to much when I was your age (read my sig), if I had took control at 22 like your trying to do I would have been able to do things such as travel but my debt has held me back. I bitterly regret spending so much money on drinking, clothes, holidays and cars and I am paying for it now.

So my moral is give your self a year, get a second job, ebay everything you dont use, speak to your parents re a lodger and work hard saving money, clear your debts and then you can carry on enjoying being young but having no debt (and learning to stick to a budget) whilst still having fun.

Good Luck
x

Katie-Kat-Kins

Great advice from Tasha - you could get a job in a bar where you would drink if you went out on a saturday. I did this when I was a student, I'd be there soaking up the atmostphere having a dance and a laugh and getting paid for it! You also get to meet other people your age and don't spend more money!

Jesthar

Hey sdt,

I have to applaud you for posting up an extremely honest account of exactly where your budget has been blown this month, that's a brave thing to do!

I've just picked a few of he telling phrases below:

sdt1986 wrote: »

I know exactly what my problem is but i just dont know how to sort it.

I am 22, single and if i dont go out then whats the point in life?

being around drunk people whilst sober isnt fun so i made my way home a skint hungry lad.

I think just by reading my problem is clear for all to see. oops

Yup, you know what your probem is alright, you just need some help in starting to do something about it. However, for me the most telling sentances from the ones I pick are 2 and 3 - you ask what's the point in life if you don't go out, but then later on acknowledge that being around drunk people whilst sober isn't any fun. So, in a way, you're already realising that going out and getting drunk only serves to make going out and getting drunk a bearable pastime, if you think about it...

I have to confess at this point that going out in the traditional sense is NOT my specialist subject. For one thing (and I and my purse are extremely grateful for this!), I don't like alcohol, so pubbing and clubbing has never really appealed to me; the last time I did it was a year ago at my sister-in-laws hen weekend. On the other hand, I have done plenty of other things - horse riding, archery, salsa dancing (yes, boys, being able to dance properly DOES make you much more popular with the ladies, especially when sober! ), bowling, cinema (take your own drinks and snacks), having friends round for food and games, LazerQuest back in the days when it was still going etc. Plenty of options for a great night out or in - and, if you get a crate in and, say, fire up the Playstation or Wii, it's a lot cheaper than going out, but just as much fun as long as you don't annoy the neighbours...

If you DO go out, the other thing to try is to arrange a taxi beforehand for a prearranged time (which will be cheaper anyway), and to only take a set amount of money and leave the cards at home. It'll make you think much more about what you spend if you know you have only a certain amount of money and you have to pay for the taxi out of that.

Oh, and one other thing to definitely try - check out the Demotivator:

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/protect/demotivator/

and find out how much of your work life going out is costing you. It can be quite scary!

In a nutshell, there is far more to life than going out and getting drunk - and as an added bonus, you usually get to remember it afterwards too...

~Jes

sdt1986

euronorris wrote: »

OK, wow, I identify with the above sooo much! The drinking/going out spending spiral.

But....you can change it!

I suddenly realised, a couple of years ago, that I was going out and getting drunk very regularly, spending far too much and not keeping track of anything. It was during my single days and a big part of wanting to go out was to try and meet someone (all my friends were in relationships at the time and it's hard not to feel lonely when it's like that).

So, first of all, I tried sticking to 'just one or two' when I went out. You can imagine how succesful that one was! The best was getting home at 1am on a work night, dressed like a Xmas tree!

OK, so that didn't work. Right, time for drastic action. So.....I simply stopped drinking altogether! For 3 months (including over Xmas and New Year's), I didn't touch alcohol at all! I felt great, very quickly, and I saved a small fortune!

I found that my social habits changed also. It's hard to justify staying out so late on a work night, when you're still sober! Plus, when you're not drinking you don't want to spend all your time in a pub. So, I started inviting friends round for dinner/nights in and rediscovered the cinema, days out at weekends etc. I also found that I simply didn't have a lot in common with most of the people I was drinking with, and without that connection, we drifted apart pretty quickly.

On the plus side, the friends who were still there, are still here now and they are great. They are the ones I can REALLY talk to and rely on for help and support etc.

Perhaps you could try the same, just stop the drinking and watch your social habits change for the better.

As for the ladies....well...I hate to admit it, but if you offer us a free drink, we'll accept. Most of us will accept, regardless of whether we fancy you or not! So...I don't think you should offer the drinks out, at least not so often.

Also, from my experience. I found talking to a guy, say at the Sunday pub quiz, a lot easier and better, than on a Friday/Saturday night when both of us awould be drunk. I also found them more attractive when they are sober (personality wise).

I think you would benefit immensely from a budget and spending diary. I really, really do.

Good luck!

Very thankful for your post...

Its not that im getting !!!!ed to pull, its more about putting myself in the situations where i have a chance. Theres no solution to stop that, and i sometimes have to wish i was female as i could do exactly what you did and invite my friends round for meals and stuff. Got my mates coming round on wednesday for a few beers and xbox, and possibly friday after some persuading. But still at the end of the day its not easy being a lad, lads only thing for socialising is pub.

Fire_Fox

You can go to cheaper places and you can buy cheaper drinks. You can also agree to meet your mates at 8pm and not show up until 10pm. :beer:

sdt1986

Fire_Fox wrote: »

You can go to cheaper places and you can buy cheaper drinks. You can also agree to meet your mates at 8pm and not show up until 10pm. :beer:

Deadly mistake at my age, catch up is the most expensive game going, i learnt that years ago, i can go out at 6pm and still spend the same as 10pm. Thats not just me being negative either, i have a few mates that are exactly the same, i just need to find ways of limiting them nights maybe a few days in the week rather than a friday, will provide me a better social life but at the same price, 1 week a weekday night, the next week a friday night or something.

Although im feeling happier that i have some overtime to rinse and after that i hope to get a pay rise even if its only an extra £200 a month.

euronorris

sdt1986 wrote: »

Very thankful for your post...

Its not that im getting !!!!ed to pull, its more about putting myself in the situations where i have a chance. Theres no solution to stop that, and i sometimes have to wish i was female as i could do exactly what you did and invite my friends round for meals and stuff. Got my mates coming round on wednesday for a few beers and xbox, and possibly friday after some persuading. But still at the end of the day its not easy being a lad, lads only thing for socialising is pub.

Well, I bet you have some female friends right? Invite them over for dinner! They'll love it and will be telling their single friends how lovely you are within hours!

AND....you're male mates will see what a genius idea it is, you know, to get close to the ladies and will soon wanna join in!

I know the weather isn't exactly great at the moment, but you could still organise a BBQ with your friends and just make sure your female friends bring some singles with them

I love BBQ's, everyone does. You'll have no shortage of people wanting to come. The atmosphere will be more relaxed and you will have an opportunity to actually talk to the girls. Rather than trying to shout over the eardrum bursting loud music of the clubs!

euronorris

sdt1986 wrote: »

Deadly mistake at my age, catch up is the most expensive game going, i learnt that years ago, i can go out at 6pm and still spend the same as 10pm. Thats not just me being negative either, i have a few mates that are exactly the same, i just need to find ways of limiting them nights maybe a few days in the week rather than a friday, will provide me a better social life but at the same price, 1 week a weekday night, the next week a friday night or something.

Although im feeling happier that i have some overtime to rinse and after that i hope to get a pay rise even if its only an extra £200 a month.

Yeah, I know what lads are like but.......it doesn't mean you have to play the game! They'll start teasing you and stuff but just ignore it. If they are that bothered you can tell them 'fine, i'll catch up. I assume you're paying though, right? No, oh well then, take a running jump mate! lol'. Be a bit jokey about it, but still firm. Ignore the teasing, they'll soon give up and you'll get used to brushing off the comments.

sdt1986

euronorris wrote: »

Well, I bet you have some female friends right? Invite them over for dinner! They'll love it and will be telling their single friends how lovely you are within hours!

AND....you're male mates will see what a genius idea it is, you know, to get close to the ladies and will soon wanna join in!

I know the weather isn't exactly great at the moment, but you could still organise a BBQ with your friends and just make sure your female friends bring some singles with them

I love BBQ's, everyone does. You'll have no shortage of people wanting to come. The atmosphere will be more relaxed and you will have an opportunity to actually talk to the girls. Rather than trying to shout over the eardrum bursting loud music of the clubs!

Keep meaning to have a bbq, so far this week, mates are coming down wednesday most likely, however im not fussed if they dont as i dont have a desire to go out wednesday anyhow (not that i have the money this month)

But also arranged my mate whos getting an house to come down friday, few games on the xbox a few bottles and a bit of music. then im going to rinse the overtime over the weekend, aim to get a couple of hundred for the 25th august wage and the same for the wage after.

Im also trying not to drink now for a while because i want to do a charity run, we shall see how that goes though as im not relying on myself sticking to it haha.

Managed to get an overdraft of £200 today (much to my shock, as i thought i was in for a payday !!!!!! loan) for me to survive off for the rest of the month (whilst still hoping to sell stuff on ebay and stuff) so feeling better about things, and just glad that i can earn the overtime money to get shot of the overtime straight away as i had a 950 overdraft in the past that was nothing short of a pain, glad when i finally paid that one off and hoped not to need another. So just need to stick to the plan and get rid of it at the end of the month or at least a full 50% of it and then 50% the month after.