paying csa for absent children

chriszzz

melorablack wrote: »

I appreciate what you are saying but I was once in your OH's daughters' position. I no longer speak to my father and haven't seen him for years because of the way he treated my mum and he claims that she has poisened my mind about him...what he doesn't seem to understand is that I remember the arguments and fights between them. He also claims that my mum is an unfit mother - but if she really was then why would he leave me with her?

Also...your OH has one up on my dad because he actually pays for the kids :T

Even if nothing at all has happened between your OH and the kids to make them behave this way, lets face it...didn't you ever hate your parents when you were that age? It's just easier to have no contact when you don't live with that parent. Plus I wouldn't have been allowed to say things like that to a parent at any age - I'd have been in so much trouble!!! :eek:

I understand why you feel the way you do, and am sorry that you have had to learn to cope with the bitterness between your dad towards your mum,but not all fathers are the ones that behave badly, your situation is roles reversed in our situation.

If genuine fathers were to give up on the child/ren that they love because the mother was making it difficult, should we just let it go and let the ex and the children fill themselves with hate, or would it be better if the two parents could be mature and focus on there child/ren, otherwise men will only be seen as money and not needed for anything else
As I was growing up I did at times hate my father but that was because I didn't like discipline, not because i only seen him every other wkend, he was a strong force in our household and he taught me things that my mother couldnt and vice versa, that stood me in good stead for my future. I would hate to have grown up with my parents seperated cos i too might have developed a low opinion on men, some women can be worse than men and not every broken family comes from men behaving badly, but no matter who is at fault it is usually mostly the men who get punished and when there child/ren cant see them everyday, its easier for the child/ren to turn to hate there father, I think thats a sad state of affairs for child/ren and there fathers, i have a son and he sees his dad when he can and he has grown up with no hang ups because we as parents made sure he was the most important person in our split and took every step to make it as comfortable as possible and making sure he had the love from us both.
Everyone has there own story and reasons for feeling the way they do and I respect why you feel the way you do towards your father, things may have been different if he had not disrespected your mother, payed maintenance and seen you reguarly. May be you would have had a different opinion and may have understand that it can also be difficult for some dads who dont behave badly!!