Funerals

Janetew

Do you have to have a church funeral? If not, where are you buried?

My parents never go to church, in fact no-one in my family ever goes to church.

When my grandma died, my dad arranged a church funeral and at the beginning of the service the vicar asked him if it was his mum or dad he was burying. This was just horrible although some years ago now.

Are there any alternatives?

Hwyl1956

No, you don't have to have a church funeral. There are different things you can do, amongst them a Woodland Burial:
http://www.facingbereavement.co.uk/WoodlandBurials.html

There seem to be quite a few alternatives to the traditional method, you can explore them on the above website.

Good luck! I'm with you, I don't want any of that nonsense said over me when I'm off....

Biggles

We're certainly going for the woodland burial, and a humanist ceremony http://www.humanism.org.uk/home. Just not yet.....

My mother was buried in the village cemetery beside my father and had a nice humanist ceremony in the cemetery chapel. No vicar or religion was involved.

Errata

A friend of mine was a communist. When he died the crematorium 'service' was: Funeral Director stood at the front and said my friend's name, date of birth and date of death and asked for three minutes silence so people could think about my friend and remember them in their own way. That was it. Very dignified, very special send off.

foreign_correspondent

my mum's friend died a few weeks ago - she was an atheist, so my mum conducted the funeral at the crematorium (first one she has ever done, and she planned it meticulously!), and the deceased friends all went up and read her poems to the congregation (the lady who had died was an amateur poet, and writing was one of the great loves of her life, so it seemed appropriate that we sent her off with her own words).

It was really very nice.

You can also hire a humanist 'celebrant' instead of a vicar, for burials or cramtions...
http://www.humanism.org.uk/ceremonies/humanist-funerals-memorials

Janetew

So you don't have to have a vicar/humanist celebrant or anyone else to conduct the funeral? You can do it yourself?

Do you actually have to have a burial as such? Can you be cremated, take the ashes away and do whatever you feel appropriate with them?

I just hate the thought of having someone we don't know talking about one of my parents. It would be so much nicer for me or one of my brothers or sisters to "conduct" the ceremony.

We have skirted on the subject as a family and I even attended some Humanist meetings but didn't really find the answer.

Errata

Janetew wrote: »

So you don't have to have a vicar/humanist celebrant or anyone else to conduct the funeral? You can do it yourself?
That's right - you can ask the milkman to do it if you're so inclined.

Do you actually have to have a burial as such? Can you be cremated, take the ashes away and do whatever you feel appropriate with them?
Burial or cremation is up to the family, or the deceased may have stated a preference. Ashes can be scatter at sea, at Anfield football ground, on the Lakeland fells or on the compost heap. Again it's all about choice for the family and the deceased.

I just hate the thought of having someone we don't know talking about one of my parents. It would be so much nicer for me or one of my brothers or sisters to "conduct" the ceremony.
That's perfectly acceptable, although it's best done by someone who isn't going to be too upset to see it through from start to finish. I have no idea now which hymns etc were sung at any of my relly's funerals, but I have no trouble remembering my communist friend's send off.

We have skirted on the subject as a family and I even attended some Humanist meetings but didn't really find the answer.

HTH ............it's horses for courses these days and quite fashionable to have Robbie Williams recording of 'Angels' played at a funeral in place of or as well as a hymn.

teresaevans_2

Yes there are. Please check out my post on funerals. My username is teresaevans

margaretclare

Hwyl1956 wrote: »

No, you don't have to have a church funeral. There are different things you can do, amongst them a Woodland Burial:
http://www.facingbereavement.co.uk/WoodlandBurials.html

There seem to be quite a few alternatives to the traditional method, you can explore them on the above website.

You can in fact include a church service with a woodland (or wildflower meadow) burial.

Herongate burial site has a hall which can be used for a service, whether religious, humanist, pagan or other. The hall can also be used for refreshments/get-together. See: http://www.green-burial.co.uk/

I think we have gone right away from the old idea of 'must be buried in consecrated ground'. Our Methodist minister puts it very well: 'The earth is the Lord's, it's all consecrated'.

We recently visited Bunhill Fields, the nonconformist cemetery in East London. People who did not 'conform' were not allowed to be buried in 'consecrated ground' i.e. a churchyard. But there are some very saintly people there - it's right opposite the Wesley House and Museum in City Road - and they sleep just as peacefully.

My mother wanted to be cremated - she was the first person I ever heard of to express this wish. But I had her ashes interred in the family grave where 3 generations of my relatives are buried. My first husband loved the sea-coast, the Thames Estuary which he remembered so well from his youth in the Merchant Navy on liners. So we put his ashes on the sea-shore where the incoming tide would carry them away.

I've also known of people who wanted their ashes left at a favourite spot up a mountain. Or thrown into a river at a spot which held special memories. Wainwright is near one of his favourite walks, isn't he - http://www.independent.co.uk/travel/uk/wainwrights-way-coast-to-coast-433110.html

EdInvestor

Janetew wrote: »

So you don't have to have a vicar/humanist celebrant or anyone else to conduct the funeral? You can do it yourself?

You can also not do it at all if you like.

Can you be cremated, take the ashes away and do whatever you feel appropriate with them?

Certainly.I plan on having an ashes scattering followed by fairly upmarket wake myself, but no actual funeral.You do however need to have the funeral directors involved to organise physical arrangments related to the body and the cost is not much lower than a traditional funeral/cremation.

Errata

I think we have gone right away from the old idea of 'must be buried in consecrated ground'

Cremation became legal in 1884. Many graveyards have now been built on. Shirley Porter sold a London one to developers for 1p if I remember correctly. These days so many graveyards and graves are vandalised, the dead can hardly be said to be able to rest in peace.