Arguments

doelani

If you argue with your partmer what is it usually about ?

My list includes ...him not helping with housework, his kids, his ex, him not spending enough time with me ................

The only thing we do not fight about is money lol

BitterAndTwisted

I can't be doing with arguments they're just too exhausting, especially if they're about the same damned things over and over again. Now, a frank exchange of views? That's a different thing altogether

Buttonmoons

Him being lazy, if I slave over cooking a roast dinner that he whined for, the least he could do is put his plate away in the sink instead of leaving it on the floor.

For some reason when things are finished, like last pizza in a box, last biscuit out a pack etc, he puts the empty pack back, and I really loose my rag about that, even though it's something so petty. Gets my goat.

Also him playing on PS3 too much.

I'm sure there is plenty about me that narks him

tori.k

i can never understand why people fight over housework, if it bother's you then do it, my hubby is not a great one for helping out around the house but when he asks if i want to go out or can i do this that and the other, i will tell him "no can do" as i have this & that already to do as nobody else will do it, he will usually say what do you want me to do to help guilt trip works everytime, no nagging required.
like most couples we both have a different opinion of what tidy means.

misgrace

doelani wrote: »

If you argue with your partmer what is it usually about ?

My list includes ...him not helping with housework, his kids, his ex, him not spending enough time with me ................

The only thing we do not fight about is money lol

Simple answer, his lazyness:mad:, I am not blowing my trumpet here, but I am 9 years older than my oh, and I do a hell of a lot.

If you look back on my posts you will see that I give a lot of advice on decorating, thats what I do for a living.
I work bloody hard, I do the decorating in our home, I do gardening, and we have a big garden, I do the cleaning, shopping, washing and the majority of the cooking, I dont do the ironing, as i wear !!!!!! clothes for work that dont need irioning.
I am like a dynimo, as things need to get done, do it today, and tomorrow you can rest is my motto...

But my OH is so ferking lazy is does my head in, we have rows all the time about it, he wants to rest, he's been working all day, but he comes in from work, has his shower, and clutches the remote, and thats it.

TBH, I never ask him to something I can do myself, but even though I am a decorator, I am very little, and I havent the strength he has, but its a nightmare to get him to so something.

Now, the odd time I have watched the jeremy kyle show, and those types of shows, and I work with men who are always moaning about thier wives....., and i will give you examples of what I have to hear from them, and it makes my blood boil, only because it makes me realise that these men have lazy wives, and there is me working like mad.....

'She sits on her !!!! all day watching crap TV', 'ferking hell, I bought her a washer/dryer and she dont know how to use it', 'I come home, and there is no dinner for me' ' all she does is spend my money'

This is what I hear, and it makes me very resentful, cause I am the complete opposite, and yet, my oh thinks he's hard done by is he has to cut the lawn!!!!!

So, I had to make a decision, I tried sitting down talking over cups of tea, I have tried ranting and raving, I have threatened to walk out, I have given him chance after chance, and he is still a lazy !!!!!!, I wouldnt mind so much if I was like that but I am not.

The only way I can explain why I took the decision I did, is for example, you have a !!!!!! day, everything goes wrong, then you bang your elbow, and you have hit your funny bone, and that sends you over the edge, well, that whats happend.

We have ordered a new stair carpet, and I asked him to cut away the edges of the carpet so i could put right down, he spent about 20 mins on it, and said he needed a rest :eek:
So now I have gone mad, as I do all the dec in the home, as its my trade, and I ask him to do one simple thing, and he is fercking tired.!!!! I am on my feet all day working for other ppl, come home and run the house, he works in an office, comes home and lays on the sofa all night!!!

So this was the 'funny bone'I just had enough, the next day I finsihed early at work, came home, and packed his stuff, and left it outside the door, I text him, and said to come and get it, which he did, he didnt question why, or try and talk me round,( which he wud usually do) but he has sent me flowers, sent me texts asking if I am OK, but not once, has he said..... I'm sorry, or can we talk, or can I come back, this is a man who never admits he's wrong, and he gets very defensive if i hint at the fact he is lazy.

He cannot see that he is lazy, he genuinly thinks that he is an OK husband, and I have high standards, and I am to blame.

Well the upshot is that its only been a week since he has gone, and I do miss him, and I do love him, but it has also been great without him, my stress levels are non existant, I am still decorating at home, in the end I took up the carpet, as the carpet man is coming next week.

But the question is..... Do I want him back?? Unless he can bring something to the table, or agree to go and see a marriage counsellor, then there is no point of him coming back.

I want us to see one, and I will have an A4 bit of paper, and also a postage stamp, and when they ask what he does at home, I can write it on the postage stamp, and obviously the A4 is what I do.:D

I apologise to doelani as its your thread,and I have hi-jacked it as such, but you opened a can of worms lol:D

memelalou

Mine would be -
Him spending all his free time on the xbox :mad:. Not that i mind him doing it, it just be nice if he spend some more time with me before the baby comes, and it makes it so i can't use the internet or watch tv. So im bored and lonely lol!

I do all the house work as i've been made redunant and also the cooking because i love it. His jobs are the dishes, taking the rubbish out and now emptying the cat litter because i'm pregnant. This causes the most arguments because he leaves his plates on the floor/table till he does the pots and sometimes this could be the next day if he can get away with it! He tries to leave the litter tray until its full and smelly till he changes it, but this is where there argument starts because it's not fair to the cat or my nose with the smell!

When we have a night together it's always left to me to pick what we watch or do, so this annoys me. What really got my goat last week though is that i told him that he has to pick what film to watch and something to eat as i was ill. So he set up the xbox for us play the new resident evil game {i like the films but cannot stand gaming} and made his fave meal - prawn omellette, which im allergic to {shellfish}!

misgrace

Lol Memelalou, it must be a man thing then, but at the end of the day I cannot accept him the way he is, and I know we all have to comprimise, but because I am mature woman and had one husband who was violent, and I was like a dog cowering in the corner, I vowed that I would have a partner, that was a partner.

You have a child on the way, so you have to bite your tongue so to speaik, but your in the position now to make your demands, or forever hold your peace lol.

angel_delight

What do I argue about with my o.h?

Blimey have you got all day?!:rotfl:

Don't get me wrong I don't enjoy arguing nor having to nag but sometimes us women are just left with little choice.

Our daughter

The biggest probably revolves around our nearly 4 yr old dd. Sure he adores her, loves playing with her (when in non grumpy worn out mode) but the majority of his parenting skills leave me in despair to the point where I dread something happening to me so that he's left to bring her up along with no doubt the help of the dippy "mother in law". Believe me if I knew whats written below would stand up in a court of law i'd request guardianship for her from my sister/mum in a will instead.

Everything from her bedtime routine (or rather lack of) to her unhealthy/same old processed meals he "prepares" while i'm working in the evenings to being too lazy to do the most basic of things like getting her dressed/undressed/teeth & hair brushed/keeping up with her toilet training if say i'm having a lie in or out for half the day (rare). He lacks any kind of discipline with her because he's "too knackered", non too keen on any kind of mess kids make so anything fun like painting, glueing, going to the beach (sand), baking cakes, letting her go in her pool, play doh would be out of the question if I popped my clogs. Everything just seems too much bother with him. To listen to him you'd think he deserves the queens medal for just managaing to pop something in a oven/microwave for her tea then get her off to bed mon to fri- like he's the only father in the world to do it!:rolleyes:

He can't dress her to save his life- colour clashing items and usually dressing her too warm for the weather and never in any of her pretty dresses. He's quite selfish- would rather spend money on himself (expensive gadgets/t.v's and so on) so hardly buys her anything unless you count "sweeties" every few days and days out with him (once in blue moon) usually stretch to the local park/town as it's free. If he bravely ventures a bit further afield he can't seem to do it without wanting his mother tagging along which defeats the whole object of quality father/daughter time.

Upon recently discussing her upcoming 4th birthday party soon held at local soft play centre and the fact she's having a handful of nursery friends there to share it with for the first time (which she's delighted at) all he could go on about was the cost (he hasn't payed a penny) and the stress of so many kids there (yet their mums will be there too). You get my drift. The m.i.l (well were not married but she's as good as) is lovely but not all there i'm sure of it. How she managed to bring up two boys i'll never know. My dd may aswell have been a grandson too as all she ever seems to get her are boys clothes and toys that have seen much better days ( usually age inapropriate though geting better) from charity shops. The words "sales" and "she's a girl" don't seem to enter her brain. Oh how it peeves me off and o.h is too much of a chicken to delicately bring it up with his mum. She surprised me a couple of years back though by informing me she'd got her a doll. Unfortunately the thing resembled Chucky (from the horror films) so much I had to get shot of it.

Lack of attention

I'm usually at the very bottom of his list of priorities with seeing his best mate for up to 9 hrs most wkends, playing xbox/dvds, cycling, going out on photo oppurtunity walks and even reading his bible being more important it seems (not that he'd ever admit to any of that). Well that is until he gets an urge in his boxers. This is because i'm too moany or insulting to be around most of the time. I wonder why?! DD probably fares slightly better and he doesn't really bother with the eldest two either (who aren't his) unless its to grumble. Complete oppisites we are but still I show an interest in all he does/been up to which is more than I can say for him with me which does blimin hurt..especially when it's things like taking driving lessons/getting my first car. Sure he doesn't share the same aspirations (if hardly any at all really) but still....

Lack of helping out with household chores

Is it really too much to expect a helping hand once in a while with the dishes, hoovering etc without a) having to ask, b) nag or c) be feeling quite ill? Very rarely is the house a tip for when he comes home from work but yet it's like a bomb site when I return. Words of "oh you should of seen it an hour ago or "I've only just sat down due to tidying so much" I refuse to believe. Things occasionally look like they've been flung into corners of the room. When I hear the famous chauvanistic quotes of "it's alright for you at home all day" I then remind him then why is it he can still not manage to complete half of all that I manage given the same circumstances?. But it's oh so rare i'll go out for more than a few hrs anyway as no doubt dd wouldn't get lunch until he was hungry/could be bothered to rustle something up- like 3pm onwards.

Men seem to purposely try anything to get out of helping anyway don't they?- "Yes don't worry leave the dishes, i'll do them later" or "the lawns need mowing" (fifth time that month) or "i've really got to go out" (usually for a non essential/urgent item) or "such & such needs fixing". I'll give him his dues at least he's up for most d.i.y jobs (unless old wallpaper shifting/painting) and lord knows he's got enough tools to rival B&Q as his dad can never think what else to get him for xmas. But what seems like a task most men would complete relatively easy within an hour or so, with him it's "far more complicated", takes 3/4 of the wkend with lots of grumpy moans to anyone that crosses his path or dare's ask "hows it going?".

His collections

I suppose if it wasn't for the bed, a wardrobe and set of drawers i'd find it hard to believe our bedroom was just that if viewing it as a stranger. Being very protective/selfish over his stuff everything is kept in here from his stupidly over sized tv too big for the room, to his xbox, games, books, too many cd's and far too many dvds which puts BlockBusters to shame. It resembles a bachelor pad and i'm sick of it. Half his dvd's he's still yet to watch yet he still can't but help buying more most weeks with the excuse of "it's cheap/bargain/my money" usually off the net like he gets some sad secret thrill of constantly recieving parcels through the post.

Financial priorities completely ****** up!

Which brings me more onto "his money". Why is it that somehow I can budget for food shopping, several bills and things for the kids/house yet he earns more and gets way behind on for example the gas/electric claiming he isn't payed enough/there a rip off? But he can save up easily enough for very expensive tv's, laptops and cameras, bikes, consoles and the like. :mad: Even if the bills were up to date he'd still be selfish with his money- never in a billion years would he think to help save up so for example we could go on holiday abroad as a family.

I won't find anyone better than him apparently.

Because he doesn't smoke, drink alcohol, do drugs or spend all wkends either boozin/chattin up skirt in pubs or watching the footie like all other blokes out there.:rolleyes: This just makes me laugh as i've never known someone so egotistical. Rarely is anything his fault. Doesn't help matters that his best friend has brainwashed him into some form of Christianity over the past year. Nothing against Christians- believe in God myself/bought up catholic although that's as far as it go's now.
His Cristianity beliefs are somewhat condescending, patronising of all others though (even of other faiths and oddly modern christinity) which gets my goat because he's quick enough to chuck bible quotes yet comes across as a bit of a hypocrite considering some of his own ways/views on matters which he refuses to change/improve upon.

Anyway I could go on but that's enough. He has good points in there somewhere too which pop up from time to time.:rotfl:

P.S I forgot to add: his snoring and me rarely getting a good nights kip due to it.

SugarSpun

Very little. We tend to argue about when things should be done - we're both good at getting them done, but he'll do them "soon" whereas I want to do them "now".

We've had nine months' notice that a baby's coming, and she will be turning up in the next two weeks. The nursery furniture is still flatpacked because his stuff's still in storage in the nursery. He's found a place to store it all but hasn't done anything concrete about that till the last two weeks, and now he's stressing out because I'm stressed out, and I don't see how he didn't think of this before.

I maintain a To Do list with "today", "this week", "this month" and "eventually" sections in it. I'll work flat out to complete the "today" list, and he'll be pleased with himself for completing the bottom thing on the "eventually" list. I'm glad it's done, but he doesn't prioritise well and we argue about that.

Oh, and he often wakes me at night and that annoys me too. And he gets really angry at inanimate things and yells at the computer/bangs the desk and it bothers me that he'll do this in front of the baby - although he says he won't.

There is plenty that annoys him about me, I'm sure, but mostly we're happy.

belfastgirl23

We argue about one or other of us not getting around to something the other one wants done

DH finds my habit of dropping crumbs over the floor infuriating, I have the same problem with him dropping crumbs on the counter surfaces but we both clean up after each other and grumble a bit about it.

Mostly though we only really argue when we're both knackered (if one of us isn't knackered they are grown up about the other behaving like a spoilt child ) and usually we realise pretty fast that that's what's happening.

I think after 20 years you kind of have to give up on changing each other and figure out that you really have to learn to live with all of the little irritiations.

belfastgirl23

Atomised wrote: »

I'm not in a serious relationship at the moment and can't believe the length of some of these posts! I know how annoying it can be if your partner is very messy , snores like a dying animal , would rather play a game online than sit with you , leaves food on his floor until you are forced to clean up etc , but some of you argue about so much that I wonder if you need more balls , or are with useless men!

You can't change everything about the person you love so compromise is the key.
Or living alone with cats for company:D

When you have subcategories of the things that annoy you I think you might be in trouble