Arguments

kpey

Buttonmoons wrote: »

Him being lazy, if I slave over cooking a roast dinner that he whined for, the least he could do is put his plate away in the sink instead of leaving it on the floor.

Why on earth would someone leave their plate on the floor?? Now THAT would annoy me!

JOHNSTONE1

angel_delight wrote: »

What do I argue about with my o.h?

Blimey have you got all day?!:rotfl:

Don't get me wrong I don't enjoy arguing nor having to nag but sometimes us women are just left with little choice.

Our daughter

The biggest probably revolves around our nearly 4 yr old dd. Sure he adores her, loves playing with her (when in non grumpy worn out mode) but the majority of his parenting skills leave me in despair to the point where I dread something happening to me so that he's left to bring her up along with no doubt the help of the dippy "mother in law". Believe me if I knew whats written below would stand up in a court of law i'd request guardianship for her from my sister/mum in a will instead.

Everything from her bedtime routine (or rather lack of) to her unhealthy/same old processed meals he "prepares" while i'm working in the evenings to being too lazy to do the most basic of things like getting her dressed/undressed/teeth & hair brushed/keeping up with her toilet training if say i'm having a lie in or out for half the day (rare). He lacks any kind of discipline with her because he's "too knackered", non too keen on any kind of mess kids make so anything fun like painting, glueing, going to the beach (sand), baking cakes, letting her go in her pool, play doh would be out of the question if I popped my clogs. Everything just seems too much bother with him. To listen to him you'd think he deserves the queens medal for just managaing to pop something in a oven/microwave for her tea then get her off to bed mon to fri- like he's the only father in the world to do it!:rolleyes:

He can't dress her to save his life- colour clashing items and usually dressing her too warm for the weather and never in any of her pretty dresses. He's quite selfish- would rather spend money on himself (expensive gadgets/t.v's and so on) so hardly buys her anything unless you count "sweeties" every few days and days out with him (once in blue moon) usually stretch to the local park/town as it's free. If he bravely ventures a bit further afield he can't seem to do it without wanting his mother tagging along which defeats the whole object of quality father/daughter time.

Upon recently discussing her upcoming 4th birthday party soon held at local soft play centre and the fact she's having a handful of nursery friends there to share it with for the first time (which she's delighted at) all he could go on about was the cost (he hasn't payed a penny) and the stress of so many kids there (yet their mums will be there too). You get my drift. The m.i.l (well were not married but she's as good as) is lovely but not all there i'm sure of it. How she managed to bring up two boys i'll never know. My dd may aswell have been a grandson too as all she ever seems to get her are boys clothes and toys that have seen much better days ( usually age inapropriate though geting better) from charity shops. The words "sales" and "she's a girl" don't seem to enter her brain. Oh how it peeves me off and o.h is too much of a chicken to delicately bring it up with his mum. She surprised me a couple of years back though by informing me she'd got her a doll. Unfortunately the thing resembled Chucky (from the horror films) so much I had to get shot of it.

Lack of attention

I'm usually at the very bottom of his list of priorities with seeing his best mate for up to 9 hrs most wkends, playing xbox/dvds, cycling, going out on photo oppurtunity walks and even reading his bible being more important it seems (not that he'd ever admit to any of that). Well that is until he gets an urge in his boxers. This is because i'm too moany or insulting to be around most of the time. I wonder why?! DD probably fares slightly better and he doesn't really bother with the eldest two either (who aren't his) unless its to grumble. Complete oppisites we are but still I show an interest in all he does/been up to which is more than I can say for him with me which does blimin hurt..especially when it's things like taking driving lessons/getting my first car. Sure he doesn't share the same aspirations (if hardly any at all really) but still....

Lack of helping out with household chores

Is it really too much to expect a helping hand once in a while with the dishes, hoovering etc without a) having to ask, b) nag or c) be feeling quite ill? Very rarely is the house a tip for when he comes home from work but yet it's like a bomb site when I return. Words of "oh you should of seen it an hour ago or "I've only just sat down due to tidying so much" I refuse to believe. Things occasionally look like they've been flung into corners of the room. When I hear the famous chauvanistic quotes of "it's alright for you at home all day" I then remind him then why is it he can still not manage to complete half of all that I manage given the same circumstances?. But it's oh so rare i'll go out for more than a few hrs anyway as no doubt dd wouldn't get lunch until he was hungry/could be bothered to rustle something up- like 3pm onwards.

Men seem to purposely try anything to get out of helping anyway don't they?- "Yes don't worry leave the dishes, i'll do them later" or "the lawns need mowing" (fifth time that month) or "i've really got to go out" (usually for a non essential/urgent item) or "such & such needs fixing". I'll give him his dues at least he's up for most d.i.y jobs (unless old wallpaper shifting/painting) and lord knows he's got enough tools to rival B&Q as his dad can never think what else to get him for xmas. But what seems like a task most men would complete relatively easy within an hour or so, with him it's "far more complicated", takes 3/4 of the wkend with lots of grumpy moans to anyone that crosses his path or dare's ask "hows it going?".

His collections

I suppose if it wasn't for the bed, a wardrobe and set of drawers i'd find it hard to believe our bedroom was just that if viewing it as a stranger. Being very protective/selfish over his stuff everything is kept in here from his stupidly over sized tv too big for the room, to his xbox, games, books, too many cd's and far too many dvds which puts BlockBusters to shame. It resembles a bachelor pad and i'm sick of it. Half his dvd's he's still yet to watch yet he still can't but help buying more most weeks with the excuse of "it's cheap/bargain/my money" usually off the net like he gets some sad secret thrill of constantly recieving parcels through the post.

Financial priorities completely ****** up!

Which brings me more onto "his money". Why is it that somehow I can budget for food shopping, several bills and things for the kids/house yet he earns more and gets way behind on for example the gas/electric claiming he isn't payed enough/there a rip off? But he can save up easily enough for very expensive tv's, laptops and cameras, bikes, consoles and the like. :mad: Even if the bills were up to date he'd still be selfish with his money- never in a billion years would he think to help save up so for example we could go on holiday abroad as a family.

I won't find anyone better than him apparently.

Because he doesn't smoke, drink alcohol, do drugs or spend all wkends either boozin/chattin up skirt in pubs or watching the footie like all other blokes out there.:rolleyes: This just makes me laugh as i've never known someone so egotistical. Rarely is anything his fault. Doesn't help matters that his best friend has brainwashed him into some form of Christianity over the past year. Nothing against Christians- believe in God myself/bought up catholic although that's as far as it go's now.
His Cristianity beliefs are somewhat condescending, patronising of all others though (even of other faiths and oddly modern christinity) which gets my goat because he's quick enough to chuck bible quotes yet comes across as a bit of a hypocrite considering some of his own ways/views on matters which he refuses to change/improve upon.

Anyway I could go on but that's enough. He has good points in there somewhere too which pop up from time to time.:rotfl:

P.S I forgot to add: his snoring and me rarely getting a good nights kip due to it.

That was hilarious...especially the parenting skills section sounds like my husband!!

Lilith1980

My DH is terrible at helping with the housework which is slightly worrying because we're moving into a bigger flat next week and I'm certainly not doing it all on my own!

Thing is, if I ask him he will help. The thing that annoys me is that the washing will be piled high in front of the washing machine and he never thinks "Oh I'd better put some in as the basket's overflowing". But I think that's just my DH, his brain doesn't work in the way mine does.

So I've come to the conclusion that instead of me getting wound up about things like that, i should just ask him. The only time to get annoyed is if he refuses, but he's always done stuff if I've asked. I guess I worry that I sound like I'm nagging him but I cook every night and am the one who does the washing, washing the dishes, cleaning etc, so he can't moan about me asking for a little help now and then

buxtonrabbitgreen

I try not to argue at all but am goaed into it constantly. Mostly about why haven't I cooked him a big roast dinner for instance when I have been home all day. This is not actaully true. I get up to go to work at 4.30am and do my 8 hours. He just does different hours. He doesn't cook me any food when he is on a day off. Anyway I don't want him too. I don't like everything cooked or covered in fat.
It is the drinking that make him like this.
He attributes things that I have said to me. Which I have not.
I could go on forever too. But mostly I leave the room/house depending on the time of day.

becky_rtw

Sorry my OH doesnt annoy me - but then I dont live with him and only see him on weekends so maybe thats the key

(hes cleaner than I am, when I was ill for 10 weeks he looked after me by running around and getting all my favourite things listened to me moaning etc etc, and we both share the same interests so we spend loads of time together)

I think having alone time is definitely important though - its much more difficult when you live together as you are under each other's feet without any quality time and then when he wants to escape you want to spend time with him so it feels like you are low down on the priority list...

belfastgirl23

Lilith1980 wrote: »

My DH is terrible at helping with the housework which is slightly worrying because we're moving into a bigger flat next week and I'm certainly not doing it all on my own!

Thing is, if I ask him he will help. The thing that annoys me is that the washing will be piled high in front of the washing machine and he never thinks "Oh I'd better put some in as the basket's overflowing". But I think that's just my DH, his brain doesn't work in the way mine does.

So I've come to the conclusion that instead of me getting wound up about things like that, i should just ask him. The only time to get annoyed is if he refuses, but he's always done stuff if I've asked. I guess I worry that I sound like I'm nagging him but I cook every night and am the one who does the washing, washing the dishes, cleaning etc, so he can't moan about me asking for a little help now and then

I find that 'if I sort the dishwasher will you empty the washing machine then we can both sit down and relax' type approach works. I have given up many years ago on DH doing washing, although not before I left all of his stuff in a festering heap for a month to make the point that it is work. I'm not proud of it but I also lifted his festering stuff out of the washing machine (he'd forgotten about it) washed my own stuff and put his back in again. He discovered it several days later and had to come to me pleading about how to get the rank smell off He is now grateful

I don't exactly ask for help though, I just get on with the jobs I know he won't notice and leave the jobs that I know he will and say things like 'the dishwasher's almost finished, could you empty it please' etc. It seems to mostly work for us although I do have the advantage that he basically does like the place to be clean and tidy.

shell_girl

Not an awful lot really. We've been together about 4 years and I can count on one hand the number of actual arguments we've had.
Our arguments have blown up from silly things, usually one of us saying something completely innocently that comes out sounding not the way it was meant to... then we'll b1tch at eachother for a couple of hours! But it doesn't last- he's my best friend and partner because we get on so well, and luckily love eachother as well.

We don't argue about the usual things, money, housework etc. We didn't argue the time my bad navigating led us to the wrong italian airport and we missed our flight home and had to max his credit card for a hotel and more flights. We tend to laugh at the bad stuff, we're stronger when we team up against the world than we are if we argue

Pee

We very rarely argue. We'll take something the wrong way now and again, but usually have a discussion about it and end up understanding the problem.

Sometimes we do have different priorities and we nearly argued the last time we went camping when we got there with one half of one tent, but I'd taken another one just as a spare so it all worked out. i did say then maybe we are just both a little bit too laid back.

We did nearly have an argument in an Italian airport when he wanted a beer and I wanted to go through the last door to departures, but of course he was quite right, there was plenty of time. We also manage nearly every holiday to have an argument one night about where we eat as we're both getting tired and hungry and I don't want to eat in a german restaurant - seeing as we are not in Germany - and he doesn't want to eat with the smell of sewers or inside sometimes if it's too hot which seems unreasonable at the time, but in hindsight...!

Sometimes he's too impatient with other people, never with me though.

He does know how much I love him and that I think he's the best thing in the world and he hasn't been treated that well by women in the past, so he thinks I'm extra special just because I don't nag, so we tend to laugh at little things other people might find irratating.

I think it's a build up of little things which may be misconstrued as taking someone for granted that tend to cause arguments.

That said, I'm not sure arguments are always a bad thing. Obviously sometimes they are, but sometimes regaular arguements seem to work. Lots of couples we know who have been together for silly periods, over 20 years and in one case over 40 years, and they bicker like brother and sister, but obviously love one another.

Shoshannah

He spends far too much time on his computer.

Apart from the fact he ignores me when he's on the computer, he works with computers all day and I think his eyes/back need a break from spending all evening on the computer as well.


Apart from that, only stupid one-off things. I got angry with him for not putting some washing in the washing machine when the basket was clearly overflowing but, to be fair, I didn't put any washing on either!

I was thinking yesterday actually; you know how men and women, when with their friends, slag off the opposite sex constantly? Often in a joking fashion? I complain about him constantly to my friends and often put him down, although in a joking way. Often when he's there.

He never puts me down. Ever. Not even as a joke. Bless him.

Food for thought.

Storm

Housework does appear to be a theme & the same here - my OH will do half the wahing up (never doing the cutlery and saucepans!) I've found like others suggesting that "there's two jobs which do you want to do?" can work well.

The main one for me though is around his ex & their son - we're supposed to alternate weekends with his ex as to who has him, but on 'her' weekends we still seem to have him for most of the day, she phones up saying she's run out of money & has no food in the house, and as far as I can see he won't stand up to her about any of it, even though he gets as annoyed as me!

Having said that, he is wonderful most of the time and we've never had a screaming row in the 18 months we've been together.