scared of having another baby.

iskc85860506

I will try to explain quickly.
Basicly I have 3 chilren with dh an we know we want more they are all young, ds 4, dd 3, dd 10 months. We wanted it this way. We know we want more and he would like to start trying when dd2 is 1 year, i would like to to. BUT...
labour (well after labour with dd2 was difficult emotionly)

1. ds spontanious rupture of membranes at 35wks (while I was in que in shop!! and it was a huge gush!) followed by emergency c-section. went home 3 days later with 5.3lb baby.

2. dd1 spontanious partial rupture of membranes at 28weeks. after several weeks in hospital I got to go home on the condition I had 3 blood tests a week, antibiotics,scans etc etc etc. rest of waters went at 37 weeks but contractions didnt start so they gave me a pesery to induce me an sent me up to ward. 2 hours later I made husband get midwife as I was in agony she put monitor on an said the contractions were small an I was 2cm dilated! 10m later head was crowning, they rushed me to delivery sweet but had to stop on way as baby came out, literally I did tiny push (which I couldnt stop myself from doing!). went home with 5.8lb baby next day.

3. dd2 spontanious rupture of membranes at 35 weeks on bathroom floor again it was a gush. I was in hospital for 3 days before recieving antibiotics (I was told with others I had to start taking within 24 hours of waters going to stop infection) when I saw consultant on 3rd day he thought I was taking antibiotics I said no I hadnt been given any and he left the room when he came back he informed me they would induce me that day (2 hours later!)
After induction I was sent back to ward to await 2nd pesery (6 hours later) after 4 hours midwife brought a drink to me an could see I was in quite abit of pain but monitor not showing contractions (I expained what happend with dd1 an she didnt seem to pay any attention to me!) 15min later she came back an said they were taking me to labour ward!
midwife checked me I was 1cm dilated, 10min later I said head was coming out midwife said(DONT BE SILLY ITS JUST THE PRESSURE YOUR FEELING!!!) I have this on video camera as I had asked my mum to record birth, cant see midwife but you can hear everything she says. 34 secs later (according to cam corder) I say baby is out, midwife says nothing, mum looks and there is dd2!!! midwife then starts flapping an tells us to turn camera off.
baby fine 5.3lb
midwife went off shift, another midwife came in to sort placenter, it was stuck so I had to go to theatre (up-setting as I had had no pain killers except tens machine)
placenter was attached to c-section scan and was very hard for them to remove so I was in ther a LONG time (husband an mum thought I had died) I lost alot of blood and I have a full page of drugs they have me, had to be given blood an uturus wouldnt contract after 4 hours. so I had drugs for this to.
Husband an mum were sent home as I needed rest this was now 1am( I was in recovery a LONG time aswell) 20 min later pedatrition came in an said midwife called him to check on baby as breathing was not right, they called it something but I cant remember (the 1st I had heard of it) baby was taken to scbu, I cldnt cuddle her or kiss her before she went.
I asked for phone to call husband, they said no as it wasnt visiting time, I was in floods of tears. I cried solidly until 6am when I was allowed to call my husband who came straight in (I was still in recovery room being monitored)
due to theatre I cldnt go an see my dd2 untill 11am. I was in wheelchair an couldnt get very close. she was on antibiotics.
I got sent to ward full of babies and happy mums. my mum compained an offered to pay for me to have a room with no babies in but they put me in a side room with no fee.
my dd2 unfortunatly got worse an I have been told by several medical people that this could have been due to not recieving the antibiotics when my waters broke. dd2 had trouble maintaining temperature, breathing, jaundise, at 1st she took milk but became to sleepy/dopey to take it so had feed into stomake, needed oxygen.
3 days into antibiotics she began to get better and within 2 days she was moved into my room, still on antibiotics. I didnt change her nappy untill day 4, held her on day 5, brest fed her on day 5 for 1st time. I had been expressing day an night to give to her since birth but I never got to give it to her nurses allways did that.
I took her home age 8 days she struggled to put on weight going down to 4.5, I had to put her onto bottle else they were going to take her back to hospital. On bottle she steadily put on weight, then she got reflux and kept bringing milk up, with medication this got better took 6 months though.
she is now 10months old, meeting all her targets and a beautiful little baby although she only weighs 14.2lb now! looks tiny walking around the furniture!!
anyway I am now scared of having another I felt the whole experiance was petrofying and VERY PORLY delpt with. they midwifs didnt belive a word I said an talked about me on several occasions outside my room where I could blatenly hear them. when I think about what happened after labour I get very upset it was a horrible experiance and I fear this could be repeated as I know I go into labour early/waters break and I have quick labours that progress from 1 to 10cm within munites and it doesnt show on monitor!
I dont really know why I am posting this Im not sure what anyone can say but I am hoping to write it all out will help me.
sorry not very quick.

harloe

I'm sorry to hear you sounding so distressed about your 3 pregnancies/births - to be fair they do sound pretty horrendous. I'm not a Mum so I'm not speaking from experience but surely if you were upfront with your Dr or health visitor etc about your concerns they would be able to reassure you? Good luck in whatever you decide

elle_gee

I've just been through a rather rough time - baby born at 31wks, told he may not make it, in intensive care for three weeks and special care for another five and finally home this week

I've been told there is a service at our hospital where you can go in to talk to one of the consultants or midwives about your previous births and what they can do to make it better next time. Maybe you could see if there is something similar at your hospital - either contact the maternity services or PALS dept - and talking through it might help you, and would also flag up the issues to them if you do decide to go on and have another baby

sidefx

Maybe you posted because deep down you know three children is enough!

You are blessed with three children. Enjoy them:)

Mazzarati2000

So sorry to hear about your experiences. Whatever you decide, all the best, thoughts will be with you.... xx

barnaby-bear

sidefx wrote: »

Maybe you posted because deep down you know three children is enough!

You are blessed with three children. Enjoy them:)

Is it that you are worried that the complications could result in a child needing a lot of care that could impact on the other children for many years? That's a lot of children to cope with at once, I've no idea how a family of 5 get to the shops let alone one of 6 given car seats etc.... 4, 3 and 1 no sense of fear yet all able to move in different directions - sounds daunting... we have a smaller family and I think 4 under 6 would be difficult particularly for one person to handle even with the use of cable ties and gaffer tape.... talk to partner time.

MrsTinks

Given the difficulty of your previous 3 births I would suggest you think long and hard about having any more (3 is not exactly a small family at any rate...) - you could end up with complications that could result in problems for your baby, but more importantly then you could end up with serious complications this time round that could be extreemly serious for you... surely ensuring your 3 children have a mummy is more important than wanting a 4th??

The birth of my daughter wasn't exactly plain sailing and I'm seriously considering only going ahead with a second pregnancy in a couple of years time if they will promise me a CS (planned)... I lost a lot of blood this time round and frankly don't want to risk my life and leaving my child and husband without a mummy and wife... Going on my mothers experience then the second birth will be the same or worse than the first (which is why she only had 2...).

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Sounds more like you need to change hospitals for next time...if they say you can't, replying that you therefore wish to opt for a home birth as is your legal right, tends to get the funding in place pretty sharpish.

And, not to imply that you are, just that my ex SIL did - she has a long history of early babies and their needing help at birth, and spent the whole pregnancies insisting that smoking and drinking couldn't possibly make the slightest bit of difference to any of her children, all of whom were early and very small, even her 3rd at 35 weeks, the longest gestation of all five, weighed in at under 6lb.

If there are any issues concerning lifestyle, it could be advisable to address those before the next babies come. Also get your GP to check whether you and partner have an untreated infection (like B Strep) that is ascending and triggering labour. There are so many women who lose babies every year from B Strep, but all too often, nobody ever thinks to mention it to them and they they are told their losses are 'just one of those things'.

You can change your mind about having tons of kids if you want - it wasn't a legally binding contract with your OH that you agreed to breed 6 times or whatever - it's not him that's taking the risk, after all. But if you do still want more, perhaps a request for a counselling referral from your GP would help get your previous birthing traumas resolved.

Best of luck, whatever you choose, though.

iskc85860506

thankyou for your comments, I understand what some of you are saying about 3 children being enough given there ages etc an in some ways maby you are correct about the 3 but not there ages. I KNOW i still want more children I would be happy to foster but as my kids are young they would want us to wait a whiile an we dont want to.
We pay for everything our kids have and I dont find having 3 hard work in the least. I love kids I often have other peoples as well as my own.
They r well behaved (most of the time).

I am considering paying for a dula or independent midwife.

my early labour onset is due to a bicornate uterus (a septum down my uturus meaning smaller space for baby).

All labours are different and my first two (although going into early labour) were relativly straight forward. and I feel like everything that happened with my 3rd was unfortunate. its unlikly another placenter would get stuck to my c-section scar and I am now aware that a baby can be taken to special care I while after birth. I dont know why but I had allways asumed that if a baby went to scbu it would be straight after birth not several hours later and without them telling me they were concered. as far as I was concerned my dd2 was fine. so it was a shock.

I will definatly have a look at different hospitals as an option and I think I will .

Thankyou for your comments, they are all apreciated. It has helped to write about it as I think I was bottling it up.

ailuro2

If your body has let you know three times now, then you seriously need to take into account the risk of having another traumatic birth and the later consequences - surely your first priority is to be fit and healthy to look after the three wonderful children you have already?

lwcus78

Having had a traumatic first birth to premature baby myself and as a result him having severe reflux and still needing regular tests/invasive procedures and probably an operation in the next few months (he's 9 months old now). As much as I would love to have another one, and the fact that I'd love my little one to have a brother/sister, I feel emotionally and physically that I would not be able to deal with pregnancy and childbirth at the moment. Being in NICU for a month last time, I wouldn't be able to imagine that and having a toddler to look after (let alone 3!!) I dont think it would be fair for myself, OH, baby or new baby. It would have an impact on us all.
I also think by you posting for advice is a sign in itself that although you'd like another baby, you know that you are not quite ready to cope with it yet incase of complications. I think you will know when you are ready.
Good luck
xx