scared of having another baby.

RoxieW

Hi honey
If you want 4,5 or 6 kids and can afford them the money and time they need then good luck to you - thats noones business but your own. I would check how likely your previous complications with the placenta are to happen again and that you are fit enough to carry and birth another baby though - you do not want to put yourself at risk - that would be extremely unfair on your current 3 children.
I have three children and I have been told that a forth would be very difficult for me to carry (complications) but three is enough for me anyway. I did have difficulty looking after my 2 children while pregnant so that is also something to consider.
Regards to your births - I have horrible memories of my first two births (at the same hospital) as like you I felt I wasnt listened to and I had no control. My third birth was actually the most complicated and distressing (my baby had to be revived at birth) but I had him at a different hospital and had a very nice midwife so my memories of the birth are actually positive. Unfortunately as you could have your baby at any time the midwife is generally pot luck! I had wanted my third at a birthing centre where I got to know the midwives and they were all lovely but due to the complications I ended up rushed to the nearest hospital by ambulance so even the best laid plans! With your previous complications a birthing centre wouldnt even be an option for you anyway I imagine.
Best of luck with your decision.

mrcow

I have three children.

I always wanted more too. I've also had two failed pregnancies - the last one being pretty traumatic. Unfortunately we can't have any more (not without interference anyway as my husband was sterilised a week before we lost our fifth) and it's been really hard to get my head round.

Anyway - I only said all that to try and explain that I kind of know where you are coming from. I could press for a reversal and a fourth child. But over the past year or so, I'm coming round to the idea that it wouldn't be in the best interest of my family as a whole.

Having traumatic pregnancies or births essentially impacts the entire family as a whole. It puts strain on your husband too due to the extra pressures and worries. I personally think it would tip mine over the edge (during my fouth pregnancy he was diagnosed with anxiety and panic attacks which were very frightening at times and very difficult to work through).

Personally I also think that having a fourth would make me a worse parent to the other three - my time would be too stretched. It's stretched now and I know that I don't have as much time for all of them that I'd like. If I could divide myself into 5, I'd probably be able to lead more of the life I really want for!

So whilst I would personally want a fourth child, it would be a selfish act and one that would negatively impact on those very people who I cherish the most.

My fear isn't so much the deliveries. My first was an emergency CS which was horrific, my second was emergency forceps as her heartrate was dropping (they were threatening me with another CS which I was v anxious to avoid) - I had flashbacks about it for the 17 months following. - Never knew what a flashback was before that! - My third however was much more "normal" and so I've overcome that monster in my mind. But I do understand the fear that you're talking about.

Anyway - drivelling on........the way that we've tackled this is as follows:



We've not decided one way or another that we won't try for more children. What we have agreed though is that we will talk about it. Firstly we agreed to talk about it in the New Year. So we did this and we decided that the timing wasn't right then. So.....

.....we've agreed to talk about it again this New Year coming. Obviously we can talk about it before then if we need to, but essentially we've agreed that no decision has to be made right now. There is no rush. We're just going to do what is comfortable for the both of us.

I've found it a massive lift - to think that we don't have to make any big decisions - we can just agree that we are going to talk it though - which anyone can get thier head round. It's not procrastinating - it's just taking our fingers off the pressure button for a little while. And it's certainly made me less worried and emotional about everything.

Dinah93

Have you tried googling to see if there are any forums or support groups for women with the same condition? They might be able to give advice to make the next pg go smoother.

jenhug

I have had 2 children, 2 difficult births, blood transfusions, c sections and both were born not breathing, they recovered but eldest has autism. Hubby wanted more but I think we would have been pushing our luck and I felt it was better to count our blessings than to tempt fate and possibly be 3rd time unlucky if you know what I mean.

JoJoB

Oh my word, I think you are very brave to even think about it.

But like other posters my opinion is that you really need to think about your mental and physical health in going for another baby. It sounds like you could really do yourself some damage if you have lost lots of blood before, and you really need to think about the kids you already have - what if they were to be deprived of a mother who died in childbirth? I really hope I'm not scaremongering, but I've known of 3 women who have died in such circumstances, and it's only after experiencing childbirth that you realise how things can quickly take a turn for the worse. With your history you are taking a serious gamble.

I feel so sorry for you, knowing that you want more, but please realise that you are already living the dream of so many women who can't have any at all. I hope you can find a way to be content with what you already have and not risk your health, or put yourself through a stillbirth/miscarriage.

angel_delight

Regardless of the fact that you and your partner don't think three kids is enough and never mind the insensitivity of him pressurising you for another so soon after the last traumatic time you should put the three kids you are already blessed with first by not endangering your health uneedlessly.

He should be saying that to you as most sensible fathers/partners surely would do after seeing their missus go through all that not to mention everything that happened after with the baby? My o.h would be emotionally scarred for years after if not for life. I wonder if he'd be so quick to think about a fourth at alll if it had been him going through the pregnancy/birth?

The broodiness/dissapointment may knaw away at you for a while but eventually you'll come to accept it just like countless numbers of other couples whov'e been through similar circumstances. You are far more fortunate than some of them having three lovely children already.

Just a couple of months back I had a high risk pregnancy because of a certain contraceptive failing/becoming dislodged. I got told if I proceeded with it not only could I miscarry at any time, certain internal organs could be pierced or rupture and there was no 100% guarantee the foetus might not be harmed inside or the contraceptives hormone cause abnormalities once born. There was a huge part of me that wanted to take that chance, give my baby a chance even though by then i'd already suffered weeks of immense blood loss and bad cramping. I talked it through with counsellers, my partner, doctors, family who all advised against it. It wasn't until I talked to my two teenagers though and held my three year old sobbing it really hit me what an awful risk I would be taking leaving them potentionally motherless. As hard as it was I had to put them first. It hasn't been easy..I cry myself to sleep with guilt most nights but I remind myself at least I am lucky enough to have been blessed with three kids and I have my health back.

Anyway I wish you all the best whatever you decide.

[Deleted User]

Absolutely go with your own gut feeling, you have INTUITION for a reason. Get on with your life and count your blessings

themaccas

Just wondered if you had permission to video film the delivery and had specific permission from the midwife? It might have been your birth but you are also filming someone at work without their knowledge and consent if they didn't.

RoxieW

Angel-delight
So sorry to hear your story - I wonder if you could help me? What were the symptoms of your pregancy? I've had the mirena coil for 6 weeks and since then have been bleeding and have had cramps as well as an uncomfortable pain. Have been to the docs and she says its probably just settling down (although this didnt happen when i have had them previously) but if it hasnt stopped in 2 wks will send me for a scan. I'm worried after reading your story that it may be dislodged - did you feel pain/discomfort from this? I have a 4 mth old baby and we couldnt cope with/afford another one!

angel_delight

Thanks Roxie.

Have p.m you!