Family Issues

RebekahR

This is more of a pity party than anything else. But there maybe other people out there who feel the same.

I have ongoing issues with my family. And this is the time I feel it most. Have just come back from staying with my partner's family and it hurts that his family are so excited and into the wedding. But my parents, especially mother, don't give a damn.

This is the time you should be with your family and especially to be close to your mum and share planning and things.

She hasn't once phoned or contacted to ask how I am or how it is going or if there is anything she can do. In fact she has done the opposite and complain about how expensive it is for her to come to the wedding and that she might not be able to come. They are not as poor as they make out.

I just wanted to vent over how I am feeling and hopefully just get a little support that I am human after all and not being a total cow over this.

kazmeister

You're not the only one!

My big day is in 7 weeks in Gib when my family will be out in Spain for a hols anyway and I havent told my mum yet (2nd time round and we've been together 12 years with a 10 year old!). Was going to tell them on the Sunday as we arrived but H2B has said I should give them some notice so I'm thinking 2 weeks :rolleyes: dont think I could stand much more than that as I'm not sure what her reaction will be . I've told my dad last week and told him not to say anything and I know he wont.

stef240377

Fully empathise with you, as soon as i told my family i were getting married they replied they wanted nothing to do with the preparations. I have thick skin and ignored it and a week later when i went dress shopping asked my mum if she wanted to come again she said no so i left it at that. As soon as she knew OH's mum had offered opinions started passing sarcastic comments on how i should 'go thru his lot' for any help as it was clear her help was not wanted - err hello i asked plenty of times! A few weeks later it started a family argument and i pointed out my mum had made it perfectly clear she wanted nothing to do with preps even after repeated calling from me to get her involved. It has now died down as she knows i am sorting everything out myself, but has led to my sister not wanting to be apart of the day as she was not chosen to be MOH. Again my day not theirs.

I have now carried on doing things the way OH and i want them, yes his mum is going with me next sat for my first dress fitting but only for support and to calm down my excitement - my own mother said i couldnt even make a black bag good.

Best advise here is to take everything with a large pinch of salt and remember its your day, if they cant be happy for you leave them to it.

Rachel83

I know how you feel! I picked my dress mentioned it to my mum and I got a reply of oh you didn't go with anyone to pick it how do you know it won't make you look fat or like a sl$g!
My invitations got met with the comment brides parents should do them traditionally not you... Not that getting married in a registry office is particularly traditional anyway! My OH and his 2 bros are dressed in the same suits, this was questioned with well shouldn't your brother be dressed like them as well? She didn't like the choice of reception and has done nothing but moan...
We're rushing it seems to be her main bone of contemption, its not like we've not been together long we've almost been together 9 years! oh and the choice of menus another one... eughh i don't like that soup, oh that is so 70's that kinda thing, oh and the fact its too far away from where we are getting married I didn't think 11 miles was that bad but in her eyes its like going to the moon! Even the wedding ring i've chosen has been hit with criticism, don't see why not like she'll be wearing it or anything! I've given up in physically discussing anything with her, kinda sad really tbh. Oh well, plenty of other family members listen to my plans and get excited! hehe
Guess its hard to not let it bug you though!
5 weeks and 3 days to go eeekkk!!! lol

paulies_nixie

Mines just been over shadowed by little sis - who has decided to get married as well.
that was one whole week of me being the bride to be. Now I'm just also getting married.


not to mention the world not liking the venue - well I'm about to change it all anyway if I can afford it LOL

debs2327

hiya hun i fully empathise as i wrote practially the same thread right at the beginning of my planning , and my family hasnt changed throught apart from a couple of cousins that keep askin but none of my family either has asked if i need anything doind looking for or just asked how things are going and as both my parents are sadly no longer here it did hurt but as time has gone on ive just made myself enjoy the ecitement from my partners family as they have done sooo much , and have said that at the wedding i will make sure that i thank the right people ie his family and just have thought to myself its them who will feel crap not me , i have let my situation get to me at times and have cried lots of times because of it , but have now thought im going to enjoy the last few minutes of my planning as i only have 8 half weeks to go xxx
enjoy it hun dont listen to there conplaints still tell them the planning update so you cant be called about not telling them , have fun with inlaws xxxxx

rlm_3

When I read your post, it was as though I wrote it myself. So much of it sounds very familar. It can be really tough. We've been planning our wedding since December last year (getting married on 5th September), tried various approaches to help it all run smoothly with my family but none of them seem to have worked.

Most of the time when my family (especially my mum) have voiced opinions they have been negative, pointing out all of the things they think we are doing wrong and seldom being supportive. This is brought into sharp relief when OH's family have been great, being excited and interested, suggesting ideas but not getting upset when we chose not to take them onboard. The only time my mum has mentioned the wedding unprompted is when it is something directly to do with her (e.g., the bridesmaids dresses which she's making, her mother of the bride outfit).

At the start of planning I read a number of threads like this (on here and the YAYW forum) and thought it was very selfish when people responded saying 'do what you want, it's your day, sod everyone else'. But now I understand! It's not that I don't care what my family and other people think but experience has taught us that whatever we do, someone will have an issue with it. Despite our best efforts to accommodate them and keep them involved, my family has still complained and criticised.

So at the end of the day, you just have to try and focus on the positives, and the things you can control and that will make you happy.

tartantotty

paulies_nixie wrote: »

Mines just been over shadowed by little sis - who has decided to get married as well.
that was one whole week of me being the bride to be. Now I'm just also getting married.


not to mention the world not liking the venue - well I'm about to change it all anyway if I can afford it LOL

I can empathise here - I have just got engaged and havent been able to see my mum and dad yet, although they know! ANyway my sis has just announced she is preggers and although I am delighted, its kinda stolen our thunder a bit, and I know when I see my parents next that is going to be the main topic of chat, not the fact that we are getting married. I feel really selfish but it just made me feel a tiny bit deflated. I wanted us to be important for a bit!!:rolleyes:

LabLover

Try not worry, alot of people have similar situations, and your right it does seem to come to a head when your planning something as massive in your life as a wedding.
Im coming up for 22 and my OH is 25 and we got engaged nearly 2 weeks ago(we have lived together for 5 years) , when we told his family there were lots of hugs and tears ( of happiness!) champagne corks flying and lots of exciting gigly chats about dresses cakes. My mum came along as we had rang her 1st to tell her , and it was a lovely day.
Fast forward a week and my mum wants to cook a meal for us at her house to "celebrate" and bless her becuase she had pulld out all the stops , lovely meal , expensive champagne , cards , and she had bought lots of bride magazines, but my dad sat there with a face like fizz , totally ruined the meal. Kept coming out with derogatory(sp) comments , we are 2 young, we are being foolish etc.. Me and the OH felt like we were doing something seedy , we felt totaly embarrassed by the whole thing , like maybe we were making a mistake . Which isnt true ,but he made us feel like cr*p. Dont understand why he feels like this , we have made it perfectly clear that we want to pay for the whole thing ( we are both very stubborn and like to do everything ourselves ) but if they wanted to help with anything then they are more than welcome. So its not as if I have asked him for a few thousand so I can "play" at being an adult . Think Ive rambled on a bit , but as they say you cant choose your family, and it is really hurtful I know but you just need to develop thick skin , good luck with eveything
xx

username456

Hi,

I can empathise with people who've had 'issues' with their family. Everyone's been really supportive apart from my Dad. We use to get on really well, but over the past few years he's changed (or maybe I've grown up and he hasn't). When we told him he we were getting married he didn't even say congratulations and then he made sarcastic comments about it not being until next year (April 2010 - hardly years away) and then he said that it was about time that my OH made an honest women of me - which everyone in the room ignored. We've been together 9 years and all he's ever done is pick at me because we weren't getting married and now we are he can't even bring himself to say a simple 'congratulations'. Then he asked if I'd invited my estranged sister (who he is convinced we're all in touch with behind his back) and didn't understand when I got angry that he always brings her up when I've told him time and time again that, she's my sister, I love her, and I don's wish her harm, but it was her choice to act the way she did and I don't have any contact with her. He just picks and picks and when I ended up walking out, leaving my poop OH in the kitchen, my brother told him to apologise, so I got an email 2 day later saying that he doesn't know what he's done wrong, but if I tell hime what he said that made me angry/upset he won't day it again - argggggghhhhh!! It's so not the point!

He spoilt every major event that I had when I was younger and upsets me virtually everytime I go around to visit by winding me up. My bloke and brother say I shouldn't bite, but I grew up with my mum and we're just not used to it. I think my father shouldn't get pleasure from winding his daughter up and upsetting her - he's just a bully and can't stand not being the centre of attention. I love him, he's my dad, but I don't want him at my wedding as all he does is upset me, though if I tell him this he'll be upset and my brother won't be impressed.

My OH says that it's his day too and if Dad spoils it for me then it'll spoil it for him and it's not fair. I'm contemplating asking him but telling him not to speak to me all day, but he'll probably have one of his 'funny turns' so he can be centre of attention. He just doesn't have a good word to say about anybody. Great - I'm actually getting upset now just writing this so better stop as I'm at work!

So sorry about the rant - as you can tell it's been building up for a while now...

debtfreein4years

ive got a mum that has practically planned the whole day even though we have not yet set a date and wont be setting one till next april.

she wont tell me what my budget is for anything (parents were paying) she keeps telling me that I need to look at things and get an idea of prices and then decide my budget.

the day i got engaged i rang them and told them and it was like oh whatever am busy, will call you later.

couple of days after that HUGE drama cause the guest list me & oh had come up with didnt have THEIR friends on it for the wedding or even the reception. now has come down to parents paying for the reception, my dress and stuff and us paying for everything else.

however if they are paying for the reception then neither me or oh will get a choice over what the menu is or anything like that. im happy with the venue thats not a problem, but its her behaving like a spolit brat cause she cant get her own way thats an issue.

it does get worse as oh's gran offered to make us a fruit cake as our wedding cake and both my parents got really really peed off about that as there could be people on our side of the family that would want to do that.

Forgot this tidbit as well. Ive asked OH's sister to be my only bridesmaid and made the mistake of telling my mum that she is absolutly stunning and has just appeared in fhm or nuts (cant mind which) well i got why on earth have you done something stupid like that, every man in the place is going to be drooling over her. gee thanks, so im not pretty!

it is like dealing with a pair of toddlers at times. i would like to go and get married abroad but oh wants to get married in a traditional church. I think we are actually going to swap the venue from scotland to where we live now so that we have more control over everything.

parents - i think we should have a gag order put on the ones that are going to be ackward.