Should boyfriend contribute? pls help

Dora_the_Explorer_5

northern_star wrote:

I don't have any figure in mind at all. I'm conscious that our situation is unusual.

Asking him to buy the food sounds reasonable but I'm guessing he'd argue that he already buys most of his own food whilst here. Also if he was to buy the food I'm sure he'd be critical of what I buy and what my children eat.

By the same token if I ask him to contribute to the mortgage he may have an expectation to become a stake-holder!!!!

I wonder if one option would be to decide on a sum that's not 'specific' i.e not simply towards 'food' or 'heating costs' or 'council tax' - but that's where I come unstuck - how could I label this concept? And how much should I suggest?


OMG! Thought just occurred, will his visiting impact on my council tax bill (I currently get single householder discount)?

This is getting worse...............

First things first - I don't think your council tax bill will be affected, but check with your council because if it is he's going to have to cough up.
As the situation has changed only very recently then perhaps now's the time to sit down with him, explain he's costing you money and him cooking separate meals in your kitchen for himself won't solve the problem and ask him if he can make a financial contribution and how much he thinks is a decent amount. If he suggest £10 - start negotiating. Point out that the kids cost you more than they used to, they're growing and need to do different things which all cost money, and by the way - does he ever treat the kids to anything? If he starts criticising your menus, send him to the supermarket and make him share and resolve the problem.
Don't worry about him claiming the house - if it went to court the judge wouldn't be able to stop laughing.
I'm sure you don't have any more odd jobs for him to do than I have around my house, and my friends husband is happy to do them for me for cups of coffee and choccy bisuits. He's cut both my front and back lawns for me this afternoon for the price of two cans of beer. I'm lucky - but this is what friends do for each other and I'd certainly have higher expectations of a boy friend.
I wonder if part of your difficulties - no contribution from him to household expenses, eating separate meals - is caused by the fact that you and he have a part-time relationship? Only you know the answer to this, and will know it pretty well after 10 years.

northern_star

Thanks everyone for your comments and guidance.

It is a HUGE help to have other people's objective viewpoints and you've all given me a great deal to think about.

BF is due back here tomorrow, so I intend to make it a priority to find an appropriate, quiet time to discuss things with him and see if we can reach a workable compromise.

Thanks again to you all.