shared care for children

KellyWelly

Maybe she doesn't want to be seperated from her children - after all, she wasn't the one who left them. Just a thought.

I would be horrified at the prospect of my partner leaving me and then trying to take my children from me as well. In fact I would go out of my way to make sure it could never happen if confronted with it. I would also be out and out furious at his new partner for getting involved and probably she thinks it's your instigation since you have this arrangement with your own children which has put the idea in his head. Not saying this is the case, but I bet she sees it that way.

smartpicture

I did this with my ex from the age of 6 & 4 to 16 & 14, when they started making their own arrangements about where they wanted to be and when. We did it on the 3 /4 days a week. It worked very well, because I still got on with my ex, and my ex approved of my new partners views on bringing up children.

In your case, his ex is clearly not on board with the idea, so it won't work unless you bring her round to the idea. You need to find out why she doesn't like the idea - does she have a porblem with you, is it the affect on her finances, does she think you & bf have different rules on bringing up children that she doesn't agree with, etc? Then you can address it. You need to make it clear to her that you're not trying to push her out, that you want to agree on a set of child-rearing rules you will all stick to (within reason) and that you're not going to rush into anything until you've all had a chance to talk through how it will work.

The other thing to consider is to think about it from the kids point of view. How would you feel if you spent half a week living in one house, and half in another? Where would you call 'home'? How frustrating would it be when you want an outfit / toy / book / whatever that is at the 'wrong' house? Those are the things my kids struggled with. We found it essential to say that anytime they wanted to see the other parent, they could say and it would happen. Any anytime they wanted their stuff from the other house, we would be willing to drive the 2 miles to make it happen. I've asked them recently how they think it worked (at 19 & 17), and having their 'stuff' in two places was the major gripe. However, they also appreciated the 2 birthdays / christmases / holidays etc that came with it, and of course having a proper relationship with both parents, so overall it was a thumbs up. But remember this was with all the adults on board with the idea, as you and your ex are.

Zazen999

I think it is amazing that at 8:11 you felt so strongly that you would consider taking court action, yet at 11.33 you have now dropped down to 3 consecutive nights being more beneficial all round.

Again, I don't think you are in any place to get involved, being that you don't even live together yet.

Rikki

How about a long weekend. Friday night through to taking them back to school on Monday morning, every other weekend to start with.

Golden_Anemone

OP, I think you mean well but in all honesty did this arrangement occur to your OH or is it your idea and he is falling in with you? That is how it is coming across to me and others.

I have a sister who is very kind and caring but insists on trying to organise everyone's lives to the way she likes to do things resulting in huge fallings out from time to time - your posts remind me of her a bit.

Hope you can work out something that keeps all parties content. Good luck.

marshmallows

my hubby has a shared residency agreement agreed with his x through solicitors. The kids were 22 months and 4yrs old
He has them for at least 50% of the time (this depends on how much his x can be bothered to have them) but this 50/50 has obviously happened since the kids were little so they know no different

I would suggest the contact changes are built up over a period of time so they get used to it. a big change will only unsettle them and confuse them

BARGAINHUNTER!

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BARGAINHUNTER!

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BARGAINHUNTER!

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minimoneysaver

To OP, I really wouldn't get involved if I were you. From what you've said this is a new split. The last thing the children need to see is their Daddy playing happy families with another woman and may even come to resent you in the long run. Maybe it is best to let things settle down. It sounds like the children's Daddy gets to see them a couple of days a week, which is more than generous compared to how often some children see their fathers. You have your arrangement, which works for you. Let your bf and his ex figure out an arrangement that works for them and their children.