I need to vent.... flipping ex's & stepmothers!

Gothdolly

My DS came home from his dads yesterday and he's got nits (this is not the first time this has happened). The last few times he's been he seems to come back with nits. My DS goes to stay one night every 3/4 weeks.

My DS said he has not got a pillowcase or sheets on his bed :eek:

I knew this was going to create bad feeling but I had to contact his dad to let him know, so I sent an email to him, worded nicely and not accusing but suggested that they (his dad remarried and has 2 kids) replace my sons pillow and give his bedding a boil wash just to be on the safe side, that nits is just one of those things, I'm not blaming you but thought you should know.

Well his wife rings me and says it's not them it's me, I'm a dirty scumbag and should be ashamed, she said other stuff too and it was a personal attack on me. She would not listen to reason and I did lose my rag with her and told her not to speak to me like that and to f**k off and then I put the phone down. (I admit I'm untidy sometimes but I'm not dirty and I know the difference).

She then rings back with more of the same, her older daughter is shouting in the background all sorts of things and I asked who the heck she thought she was talking to me like that and that I didn't accuse them or say they were dirty, I was merely pointing out there was a nit problem and would they please make sure the bedding is cleaned. After more verbal abuse I said I won't be spoken to in that manner, I then unplugged the phone.

Both my son and I were upset by this, I have very little to do with my ex other than care of our son.

The problem other than nits is my son heard what was said and doesn't want to go and stay with them anymore, fine with me as he comes back upset quite often and doesn't really like going.

I know I'm going to be accused of not letting my ds see his dad, which is not true but I won't force ds to go.

My ds also commented 'Why didn't my dad ring you himself'? I bit my tongue on that one and said I had no idea.

Thankfully they live about 80 miles away.

Part of me wants to tell them to naff off and not to darken my door again, the other part of me understands that this will have an effect upon my ds who doesn't like his stepmum or stepbrother and is going to make relations with his dad awkward.

I could scream:mad:

Kavanne

would social services want to get involved as there are other kids in that house being subjected to a sub standard level of hygiene care? They should be all over that sort of thing nowadays.

Zazen999

I thought nits took a while to show - so if they are showing now they were caught several days ago?

Gothdolly

Thanks both, no I don't think SS need to be involved, nits is one of those things. My son does have longish hair and his school are forever sending letters home so we do check weekly to make sure nothing is lurking.

There was nothing lurking on Friday afternoon, no eggs, zilch and it seems a bit of a coincidence that when he's returned from there that he's got them.

I'm not going to tell them anything in future and if my ds doesn't want to go and stay there he doesn't have too.

knithappens

i have the same problem, i think you handled it well. If the health of my child is at risk then i say something, which often means i get abuse, which my son has been witness too, and it is making him not want to go to his Dads, like you i dont force him, but i try to explain that he should etc.

If i can talk to his dad alone , it is better, it is mainly his new partner and mother who stir things, i wish they would just grow up.

oystercatcher

Your son is not going to suddenly develop loads of nits over a one night stay. He's probably picking them up at school. They may be hatching while he is away so suddenly noticable.

However his bedding should be boil washed and I would want to vaccuum the mattress.

You haven't said how old your DS is but is he old enough to make up his own bed? Maybe you could send him with a set of clean sheets and a new pillow and he could bring the sheets back with him between visits so you can wash them. Make it clear to new stepmum this is just to make life easier for her not because you think she can't /won't do it. (Never mind what you really think try to keep the peace !)

Nasty as they are nits are not life threatening. There's no need to waste social services time over this. The verbal abuse is more worrying but hopefully this isn't directed at your son.

busiscoming2

Can't comment on the nits, only that you tried to do the right thing and got blasted for it!
With respect to your son seeing his dad, does his dad know he doesn't like going? has he told him why or have you? I have been in this siuation; my kids kept contact for a while but gradually they both stopped going. I had met my ex on neutral ground and told him they didn't want to see him and their reasons and that he should change some of his behaviour towards them. He didn't. They stopped going. He took me to court. They still have no contact - he didn't bother either!
Hope you get it sorted.

newcook

I was always told that nits only go for clean hair!! One of my friends little girls gets them quite often despite using the special shampoos frequently and having clean bedding etc - there are often letters sent from the school to all the parents saying they have had another outbreak but not all the parents do all they should to help stop the spread so it goes around and around!!!

If your son doesn’t enjoy going to his dad and stepmoms and comes back upset then don’t send him.

Kavanne

newcook wrote: »

I was always told that nits only go for clean hair!!

Nits don't care

RedBern

isn't tea tree oil or tea tree shampoo supposed to be good - once you've got rid of them they aren't so attracted?

Enterprise_1701C

Not commenting on the situation, but I spent a fortune on special shampoos etc for my daughter (years ago now!), but the only thing that really got rid of them was give the hair a good wash and comb, ladle on loads (and I mean I used more than half a bottle!) of cheap conditioner and comb through with a nit comb. I did this three washes in a row and we never saw hide nor hair of the nit problem again!


Good luck sorting all this out, must admit to being surprised he does not have a pillowcase - is it worth sending him with one of his own if he goes again?