Can I stop money going into my account?

alison18671

Hi
I am having a funny situation at the moment, one that probably a few people wouldn't particulrly mind having, but i do, and it's bothering me - alot ;
I split from my ex a year ago, we have a child together, he pays maintenance etc, now a month or so ago, unsure why, but an amount of money was paid into my account directly from his - I hadn't asked for it, he has never mentioned it, not that we talk alot, we don't, but I am worried incase it happens again - I prob should have told him, but we(me and the kids) were extremely hard up at the time, so it was like a unasked for blessing, but now I am bothered, worried even, he's not quite as on the ball bank account wise as me, which is why he hasn't noticed, but i am concerned incase money arrives again, and then he asks for it back - I know it must be a mistake, he wouldn't give extra money without damn good reason, as we're not that amicable.
Can I stop incoming payments to my account, can my bank refuse payments in (transfers etc) if i contact them??
Some people would not worry, but I am - alot.
I know a bank can't just send payments out without his authorisation, but i also know he wouldn't have done this purposly, this must have been an error, and now i am worried - can he demand it back, as it wasnt asked for, he paid me - sort of voluntarily, or mistakenly, whichever, can he demand it back?

Thanks
Alison

montyrebel

Where does the maintenance money get paid? If it is the same account you have then maybe it is a back dated payment that was owed to you. If not give him my bank details and I will take it lol

alison18671

Lol, no its not maintenance money, i know this 100%, hes not in arrears etc, and pays voluntarily, we're ok like that, but this money is a mystery, and might sound bad, but im scared to mention it to him in case he demands it back when i cant afford to give it him back, but i def dont want any more because it's moidering me too much, i couldnt enjoy this kind of windfall, because im too worried and feel bit guilty too i suppose - even for an ex, i dont want money im not entitled to u know.
Just want to know if i must give it back, and can i get my bank to refuse incoming payments - that way i could stop the payments and he prob would be none the wiser.
Alison

Extant

alison18671 wrote: »

Can I stop incoming payments to my account, can my bank refuse payments in (transfers etc) if i contact them??

Whilst banks can freeze accounts, I doubt any will allow you to freeze transfers in for one specific person.

I know a bank can't just send payments out without his authorisation, but i also know he wouldn't have done this purposly, this must have been an error, and now i am worried - can he demand it back, as it wasnt asked for, he paid me - sort of voluntarily, or mistakenly, whichever, can he demand it back?

He can demand it back, whether or not you choose to return it is your business. If you have an established relationship, any claim that the payment was a mistake and not just a case of sender's remorse, if you will, is going to just end up in he-said-she-said, and your banks aren't going to want to get involved.

How much is involved?

alison18671

Are you saying that it's a case of doing the 'right/decent' thing? - He def wouldnt have sent money through remorse etc, no chance, its def a mistake - i am absolutely sure, but at the time i had an overdraft in minus minus, so was desperate, and the money eased a bad period, now i am real concerned, i do have a conscience even for an ex, but cant afford to give it back - least not at the moment.
Was £600 that was paid.
I find it real damn hard to be able to think that someone wouldnt notice £600 disappearing out of an account especially when hes not flush u know.

Alison

Extant

alison18671 wrote: »

Are you saying that it's a case of doing the 'right/decent' thing? - He def wouldnt have sent money through remorse etc, no chance, its def a mistake - i am absolutely sure, but at the time i had an overdraft in minus minus, so was desperate, and the money eased a bad period, now i am real concerned, i do have a conscience even for an ex, but cant afford to give it back - least not at the moment.
Was £600 that was paid.
I find it real damn hard to be able to think that someone wouldnt notice £600 disappearing out of an account especially when hes not flush u know.

Alison

It is indeed a case of doing the right thing. From experience in having dealt with similar cases, I doubt either of your banks (or bank, if you share) is going to care much for this - this is different from him sending it to an account with the wrong details and then seeking help in getting it back. This is him sending money to his ex-partner and it's just going to look like a dispute between the two of you. An ex-lover's tiff, if you will.

Have you tried talking to him about it? Just say you hadn't noticed at the time, but you have now notices, does he need it back? If he says yes, say that you cannot afford to repay it all immediately, would he accept some now, some later, etc.?

Or, you know, he could just stump it up as the cost of raising his kids.

will-in-estoril

Although an extreme measure, you could close the account which currently receives the payments.

They would then be bounced back to the originator, ie your ex.

Judith_W

I don't know whether it would be possible for you just to pay it back? I know that is not ideal but if he is already paying maintenance then if you change your bank details he will have to be given them again won't he?

hollydays

If it happens again,write him a cheque and sent it back? It seems like you want the best of both worlds,not to receive any more money,and to hope he doesn't notice! I wish there was a magic wand somewhere,but you are going to have to be adult about this.If he discovers it,he could get angry,and spoil the relationship you currently have.

david39

I think that if he hasn't queried that the money has gone from his account then :

• He has so much money that the £600 is not relevant to him and he has not noticed it missing.
• He has noticed that it is missing but it was intended for you, for one reason or another.
• It was an erroneous payment to you and he has noticed but doesn't like to claim it back, knowing that you are short of money.

In all the above suggestions, if he hasn't mentioned it to you by now, he is unlikely to. If you are unable to pay it back, it's best to ignore it and not further embarrass your relationship. I think it unlikely that a further payment to you would throw up a link to the first one after a lengthy period. I would therefore accept it as a gift from him - after all, I'm sure that your child has benefitted from it in no small measure - but make sure that if it happens again then you do return any future payments to him.

prowla

As above, you could close the account.
Of course, you would then have to open a new one and get the regular payments set up again...