Today is a new day!

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

hypno06 wrote: »

Re the MBNA payment, is the 12th the day that they collect the payment from your account, or the day that it is due to clear at their end?

If it is the day it is collected from your account, could you cancel the DD, then do a manual "faster payment" on 13th once WTC has gone in, calling MBNA to say "oops, sorry, cancelled DD by mistake, but have just make a faster payment which you should have by now"?

Then you can re-set the DD for the next month's payment so that there is no danger of you missing future payments?

Hi hypno, The 12th is the day it is taken out by dd. I did what you have said this last month, and they charged me a total of £36 which they have since refunded, thank you for the suggestion, however I wont risk it. Take care x

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Well, this entry finds me v stressed out. I can really understand why people commit suicide due to debt. I have felt so near the edge and I just wonder, I really do. I stayed at my sis over the weekend with dd. I babysat sat eve, dd loved it all, a "sleep over"! my sis filled my car up with petrol as she knew I would not take any cash for looking after my neices and nephew. I opened up to her a bit about the situation here, she urged me to make an appt with a debt advisor. I have. Its on the 17th May as hes on hols till then, this is at the community cantre up the road and some people from dds after school club have used them and found them to be excellent so I am going to hold on till then.

Halifax have said I can have a repayment hol of a month on my mortgage. The catch is not until May, but I need it this month I said. Too late they said to do that. I needed to let them know in March if I didn't want to pay in April. It doesn't say that anywhere though I said. So, I am at square 1 there. I wish they had never said it was available. My heart lifted so much when they said it could happen, and then dropped further than ever when they said but not until May and only if I make Aprils payt. Oh how I want to weep, I am a wet blanket, I have lost all ability to function and I need to. Dd will be coming back in an hour with mum and I have to face her. Oh God. Sis wonders if I have depression, I wonder if I am sane. I want my best to be good enough, and clearly it isn't.

That said will know soon if pics have sold. I lie in bed awake thinking it over and over, Ive sold £2K so far and I think I can do this, I can keep going, everything is upstraight until my mortgage payt this month and then my heart sinks at the dead ends I keep coming accross. Ive just got to not give up, I would just like to run away somewhere for a while first!

hypno06

Why not ring National Debtline and have a chat with them - you will get through to them on the phone a darned sight quicker than 17th May, and it will give you something positive to think about.

There is no harm in going to see your GP, whether you are depressed or not. My GP was one of the few people I opened up to about my debt. Her prescription? To promise that if I ever needed 5 mins to cry, or whatever, I could turn up in the surgery and she would fit me in somehow. Just the act of opening up to her helped me no end - no drugs needed

beanielou

Sorry that things are so tough.
Please just keep plodding x

thrifty_fifty

Ditto Hypno,

It can feel like a really lonely place being in debt, so talk, talk and talk some more. The doctor may also have a therapist on their books. I have been at the paracetomol stage, sitting with a glass of alchohol at 7 in the morning stage, just not knowing how to go on. It is hard, it seems like some bad dream that you will wake up from.You don't know how you're getting through it at the time, you won't know how you managed it after, but you do, and you grow stronger, and you can be proud that you got through it.

Get all the help that is going, and stay strong. You're a fighter.

xx

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Thank you. I wouldn't normally be so frank, its just this is a diary to detail it all!

Well, last eve, mum bought dd home, and things were ok. The sit is that my aunty is in a hospice and sadly had gone into a coma yesterday so that took the emphasis off my debt a little bit! Dear Aunty D. She died late last eve. 74 years old I think she was. Truely an inspiration. The only other singleparent in our family. She understood where I came from, we shared the same sense of humour, she was always fun, loved her farm. Now shes gone.

I said to mum last night when she told me to talk to dad about my situation that I just couldn't, and it is even more off the cards if it ever was an option in the first place. His only sister has just died.

I spoke to my sis before I knew about my aunt this am. Ended up putting the phone down on her and turning my mobile off. I do not want to be yelled and shouted at. I know we love each other, I just dont need to be lectured at right now and is one reason why Ive kept it from them because I am just lectured at. She had offered to come with me to my appt, but its definately not going to happen now. Spent my life doing what I am told or feeling I am a naughty girl for daring to do what I think, go against what the "family" think I should do. Anyway, am just about to update the mortgage co and then call my mum to check how she and dad are, and then work.

Thank you once again.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Some good news. Spoke to the Halifax and for the first time have truely dealt with a very understanding person who has bent over backwards to implement a plan for me to follow. I am no longer behind with my payts as I now have a mortgage payt holiday in place. If I need a second month holiday I am to call them mid May however I do not believe that will be necessary. I have until the end of May to pay this months mortgage payt and then back to normal. All is above board, arranged and ok. This will really help me catch up where Ive been struggling since the bad winter. That said I still have my appt on the 17th and I need to get in a position where if life throws another challenge I can keep afloat without a worry. Keep ahead of myself.

Have spoken to mum, dad and she are in shock really and v upset about aunty d. Dad v quiet, so glad I could phone them and say my situation is sorted for the moment given todays news. Have also texted my sis, the thing is they all want to help but on their terms, they want to take over and I am not going to do it. They become overly protective. Mum suggesting I give up my business and "do whatever my cousin is doing". No, Ive built up what is a successful business which has much more to give. Why cant you be proud of that mum? My sis wants me to tell my mum and dad everything. No, I wont, I cant. My sis says well dont expect them to help you then, they want to know whats what with your finances. No, Ive said, I wouldn't dream of asking any of you the intricate details of your budgets, it should be enough for you all to know Im finding things difficult. If you want to stand by me, help, then great but if by not telling you everything you are not going to be supportive then sobeit. Its enough for me to make this appt on the 17th and to have contacted the Halifax..

Anyway, all this is irrelevent in the scheme of things. My dear cousins have just watched their mum die in her sleep, in a coma after many anguishing weeks of watching her demise. Dear dear aunty d. You were one wonderful, superb, inspirational woman, you showed me what it is to be determined and overcome challenges, and I will get me and dd through this situation. you did and so will I. God bless you xx

thrifty_fifty

Sorry to hear of your news p&f.

I know what you mean about family. Mine acted in exactly the same way, treating you as if you are incapable, and if you hadn't done that little thing there, you wouldn't be where you are right now. Basically that you made a hash of your life and there is no saving you now.

Now listen to this!!!

Nobody is more qualified to be you, than you. The people who are saying copy this person, look at that person, are the kind of people who have done nothing with their lives because they were too scared too. So no wonder nothing every went bad for them, it couldn't, they were too afraid to live their lives. You can bet those same people will be the first to say they knew you could do it all along, when you come out the other side. And what do you say to yourself then? 'yeah , like hell you did', and you did it for yourself.

Finally my mother admitted the other day that she isn't half as brave as me, and I think there was even an admission of admiration. You're stronger than all of them put together, and that's something they wish they had.

Stand tall and proud lady-because they all wish they were you!

xx

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Thanks for your words TF. I do love my family, dont get me wrong. I just want their support without feeling as if they are taking my life over!

One of the things I find ongoing hard to get through to them all is that they need to remember over the last 7 years Ive been personally dealing with dh murder, trying to fit in counselling between work and dd, then had the falling over, then had the physio, the dental treatment as all my front teeth are now false following the damage I did to my old teeth! Through all that I still needed to earn an income, I turned to credit the times I couldn't do it all from my income. I didn't have £1K sitting around each time for an adaption. If I had 2/3 appts a week with various people, the physio was 2 hours a time with waiting etc, travelling there etc, it was bound to effect the no of hours I could work, and therefore my earning potential. To this day tiredness and tripping up are the two things I have to watch every day. My parents say we dont want to see you work so hard. Thats fine but they have to understand that what I fit into say a 40 hour week would prob take them 25. Plus, I am not only needing to finance the everyday things, but also things for my disability on my own. My adaptions before now all cost £1K a time. There were no financial offers of help from them until last month when I had to replace my adaption out of the blue, or extra help with dd so my childcare costs wre not as high as they were . The sit was as it was. So, when they now say dont work so hard, I remind them that I have a right to choice, they have all chosen to work, dont tell me my life should just be going down the benefit route, even selling my home which is an ongoing option but one I would hate to do.

What I do know is that as my sis said yesterday without telling them all everything I can not expect help or understanding from any of them. So, the status quo will have to continue because I just can not go there. Why is it not enough for them to know the last 7 years have been lovely with dd, but v v hard in other respects. Why is that not enough? Why can they just not be there without all these conditions?

Other news, I have contacted tax credits, I am hopeful my WTC will go up as my projected income for last year was far higher than what actually transpired largely due to the winter. So, I have given a slightly lower estimate until my accountant completes my tax return in a couple of months.

I have also sold my first item on ebay, albeit for a modest £5 with postage costs!

My thoughts are with my cousins right now. I would say my aunt was my closest aunt. We saw her frequently, she lived on a farm, and loved horses, my dd loved helping her sweep out the stables, we laughed about the same things. I need to remember through all these family situations, I do love my family dearly, and I just need to keep going for my dd's sake! Shes my family now and life is indeed precious. On that note, I need tostart living the day again. The last few have felt like a complete weepy headachy sleepless haze!

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Well, feeling that maybe things are going in my favour. ALL of my pics sold at auction for the asking prices. So, too has my jewellry I believe as they have told me I would have heard if they hadn't! Wont be too long before I receive the cheques. Thank you, thank you!!!

Have also spoken to another Kl distributor who is disabled. She has no children, a husband who helps her with the business and a PA! How did you get that I asked? The PA is from a govt funded scheme, via Social Care Direct. I contacted them straight away yesterday, and a letter has arrived today to say I am in the queue to be assessed. Surely, I will qualify in my circumstances. It will be weeks, possibly months before I get an assessment. The lady on the tel said social services are bogged down with work! But, Im in the system. Thats enough for me right now!

Recd another letter from dds school to tell me that dd has been late 10 times and she needs to be on time. I know that. What about the no of times Ive got her there on time in difficult circumstances and when we are late it is literally by 5/10 mins no more which is a miracle in itself. I intend to seek advice from the social care people when they assess me given what other posters on here have said about friends getting help to get their children to school. Nevertheless, this has only been an issue since the new head has arrived. She is fully aware of my situation. One thing I find so hard to communicate is the tiredness factor and how that impacts. Its just the way it is. The reality of the situation. The new head has also cancelled the one disabled parking bay in the school car park. Fortunately, I dont need it as my parents live opposite the school and I park in their driveway. But I know two other disabled mums who have also been targeted by the school. One used the disabled bay and has since been told off for parking in the school car park at all. Not sure if its allowed, and if I had the energy I would take the issue up, however, my day to day life is what I have to focus on and I have written to question why this new head seems to have a zero tolerance toward disability.And thats it.

So, the BH awaits. Dd and I have a few books to put out, we then are going to collect my mums 70th birthday pressie from us, my sis and brother which is some professional photos in a beautiful frame. Then relax, - washing ironing, housework to do at some point , but will do it when Ifeel up to it! Tom is my mums 70th birthday party. We are going to celebrate my aunts life. Her funeral is the 11th. Still cant believe this time last week we were at her home, and she was talking away. Bless her!

Thats it for now! We are late up this am, need to get brekkie and then on with the day!