Daughters boyfriend owes us money

chatnoir

Has she ever wanted to go travelling??
Pay for her to go for 6months or longer...beg borrow or steal the money if you have too....just get her away from him, he will do her some serious damage eventually.
Do you think he will really care if you take him to a small claims court?? Write that money off and mark it up to experience, don't do it again, and dont let him in your house!

MrsAnnie

I agree with the posters that say write the money off and walk away from this creep. Sounds as if he is an evil b***terd. Getting into a legal or other confrontation with him to recover the money may not be in your best interest from an emotional well-being standpoint.

Pee

I think the six months round the world ticket or similiar is a brilliant idea. Just beware he may buy a ticket and come along too.

Dinah93

Have you told her how much it hurts you to see your daughter black and blue because of some *insert expletives here*? I would never ever knowingly cause my parents pain, and while I might not have cared about myself at the time, doing something for them might have been the jolt I needed. In my case no one around me knew, I was embarrassed.

recovering_spendaholic

Dinah93 wrote: »

I wouldn't be worried about the money but about your daughter. Can she not see what he is like? I was with a mentally and physically abusive man for years, but I believed I deserved it. Find a womens refuge or charity in the area and arrange a councelling session and take her down there. It actually only took one stranger telling me I didn't deserve this, and I didn't have to put up with it for me to get out. That was a little over a year ago, I'm with an amazing man now, kind gentle and sweet, my parents love him to bits, but if it hadn't been for a stranger telling me it was no way acceptable I think I'd have had a breakdown or worse by now.

Sod the money, get her out of there now. Sometimes you don't know whats best for yourself and need someone who loves you to do the harsh thing for your own good.

Thank you for this advice. I have telephoned the local womens and childrens aid and made an appointment to go and see someone there next week. I felt better just talking to the counsellor on the phone as she was very understanding. The appointment is just for me in the first instance, but I hope I can persuade my daughter to go with me another time because, as you say, sometimes if you hear it from a stranger it makes more sense than what your parents tell you.

Thanks to everyone for the replies.

Idiophreak

Do you need the money? Dragging all this out is just going to make more stressful for yourself, your husband and your daughter. May be best just to let sleeping dogs lie?

Flashdaisy

As someone who has been in an abusive relationship in the past, my first instinct would be to take him to the small claims court, and make him pay every penny back. However, on reflection, as some of the other replies have said, maybe it would be best to just accept that you won't get the money back, and put this horrible man in the past. Hopefully your daughter will eventually come to her senses.

KellyWelly

If I was in this position I would cut my losses and run. I wouldn't do anything to being him back into my life or my child's life in any shape or form.

I realise that is an easy thing to say when it's not my DS or my £900 but it's just my gut feeling - it would be so easy for that contact with him to at as a springboard for something else.

moiramber

I'm sorry for this horrible situation you're in. I was in a horrible relationship once just like your daughters and I'm sure my parents felt the exact same as you and worse. They only advice I can give is try your hardest to sympathise with your daughter and be there for her whenever you're needed. If he is/has isolated her he will no doubt be going on about how bad parent's you are to her to try and isolate her from you too so try not to do anything to fuel this fire and hopefully your daughter will see the lies for what they are. I'd say if things are like this your daughter must be aware of the changes he has made to her and how controlling he is but is probably too scared to leave him as he has such a powerfull hold over her emotionally. Try to encourage your daughter to speak to womens aid, they are fantastic. Your daughter probably won't leave her boyfriend till she sees him for what he is. I hated my ex and so when I finally got the courage to leave it was very easy in some ways as I could think of a million reasons why I hated him and why not to be with him although I am still terrified of him and hence live on the other side of the country with my new partner but am still plagued with nightmares about him 2 or 3 times a week.

Minimum_Wage_2

I'm sorry to hear this but what i would do is move away to another town, not to far away but far enough away that your out of reach. Tell your daughter that your doing this for your own safety and that she is welcome to come but without him. It is obvious that he is only with her for the benefits and not because he loves her. Your daughter needs friends of her own and she will only see things for herself and not with you telling her that its all wrong. tell her that you will be there for her but not for him and because she is with him that you cant give her anything. If your daughter comes with you or comes back with you then you will have to make it clear that she comes and breaks all ties with this person even changing her phone number so there is no contact what so ever. All relationships are hard but they have to learn for themselves no matter how much we go on that there is the right person out there for them, they just have to find them.