Father/daughter relationships

hot.chick

lol... if they wanted to take me for a walk I'd just say no thanks - I'll have the kettle on for whan you get back, or just say enjoy your walk I'm off to get my nails done.

If you don't like the walking and it bugs you - don't go... it only winds you up in the end - their doing what they like )

Tinuel

Hi chatnoir,
Time for a daughter/dad chat with no-one else around. Communication is the key here, I have grown to accept that my parents are not perfect and have qualities and flaws like all of us. A lot of times they are right, but sometimes they are wrong too. So youd dad was wrong in acting the way he did. Accept that he made a mistake, invite him for a coffee, sit down just you and him and talk, talk, talk about it. Let him know that you are hurt, be honest, true to yourself. Dad/daughter is a special bond, do not let any outside interference break that...

Pee

But whenever you go to visit him you take your oh?

chatnoir

Pee wrote: »

But whenever you go to visit him you take your oh?

yeah i do...my OH would offended if I went without him...not just that i wouldn't want to go on my own..atleast when I go and we are sat in seperate rooms I still have some to talk to....plus it's less awkward as my dad can chat away to him instead of us sitting in silence

Pee

But do you see, your OH would be offended if you went without him yet you don't want your Dad's OH there?

It's not wrong, it's perfectly normal human nature, but it doesn't really work to have one rule for one and one for the other... Is there anything your dad likes to do that you also like that you could do together just on your own for an hour? Gocarting or to watch a football match or a theatre performance - something where you don't have to talk too much, but could have a good time and spend some time together?

pinkshoes

Another vote for having some quality father/daughter time together, with just the two of you being there, perhaps on neutral ground.

When I go and visit my parents (not divorced), I often go out with just my dad to the driving range, or help with the shopping or something.

People behave very differently when they're not surrounded or influenced by others.

Give him another chance, then if it doesn't work, at least you can say you tried!

chatnoir

I have no problem with his oh being there, its natural that they come as a "couple"...its the fact that he said to me "dont call unless you have something exciting to say" surely as a parent he would want to talk to me regardless of the excitement factor...I talk to my mum everyday on the phone and we email each other during the day...we dont always have anything of interest to say but we still keep in touch with each other

Brighton_belle

I'm sorry with how you've been hurt - I don't think your dad is demonstrating any 'lovely dad' qualities what so ever personally. It is sad he can't cherish his own daughter.

If it helps at all, I rarely speak to my dad on the phone as he is so rubbish at it, though fortunately in every other respect he is a good dad and faced to face is much better. Whereas I can chat to my mum for ages on the phone. My OH, is also dreadful on the phone and I would never ring him other than to communicate specific information then finish the call. He goes into polite, formal mode on the phone like he is talking to a stranger. And I can't stand being rung by anyone for 'a chat' when they have nothing much to say and suddenly the onus is on me to keep the conversation going.
I think your dad was dreadful in what he said to you, but for many, the phone is not an easy way to communicate. So maybe the phone isn't the best way to try and get anything from your relationship.

Perhaps next time you visit, even though you hate it, take some wellies - perhaps it will change the dynamic of the way they all relate to you? And don't think about what you are doingwhen out for a walk, but as an opportunity to walk and talk - some of my best conversations have been when we have the distraction of being on a walk. I don't mean this unsympathetically - it's tough doing something you really don't like, it's just I don't think your dad is going to make any effort to give you what you long for, so maybe it's worth a try to go the extra mile just to see if you can make a break through.

My dad and I are fortunate to be relatively close, but for the record, I never bother with father's day and he couldn't care less: just a meaningless made up day from across the pond.

moiramber

I'd be exgtremely annoyed and wouldn't bother to phone him again unless he made the effort. I think its quite shocking he would say that to his daughter no matter how interesting or not the conversation was!!! I'd say he's the one missing out, not you. Spend your time doing something you enjoy rather than wasting it on someone who clearly doesn't appreciate it! You're better than him!

starbump

chatnoir wrote: »

I have no problem with his oh being there, its natural that they come as a "couple"...its the fact that he said to me "dont call unless you have something exciting to say" surely as a parent he would want to talk to me regardless of the excitement factor...I talk to my mum everyday on the phone and we email each other during the day...we dont always have anything of interest to say but we still keep in touch with each other

My sister and I have a very good relationship with both our parents. With our dad, we hardly ever communicate unless we are visiting and can talk face-to-face. His telephone patter (to his daughters) is quite limited. Our mom is completely different - we communicate by some means (phone, email, text message, Skype, IM) nearly every day, regardless of whether we have anything to say or not. As far as I'm aware, my hubby and his brothers do not talk to their mother very often and she nearly always has to call them. I think this is just down to the differences between girls and boys. Hope that helps a little.