Father/daughter relationships

chatnoir

Hi all,

Just wondered if there where any fathers outthere that are like mine?

My parents have been seperated since I was 5....they get on really though and access to us was never an issue. When they first split myself and older brother would visit his house every weekend and spend the night there. He then meet a women, who also had 3 kids of her own. Our visiting quickly changed to every other weekend so he could have time with her. When I was about 8/9 they moved in together and we also moved in with my step dads house with his 2 kids. The arrangement of every other weekend visits continued for quite a few years, untill they had to sell there house ( which was 15 minutes from us) as part of my step mums divorce settlement, and she wanted a house in the middle of nowhere....at the time I was going through a bad time with depression etc and asked my dad not to move to far away from us as I needed him ( I was 15/16 at the time) anyway he completly ignored this and move 40 minutes away....and the every other weekend visits stopped and we only saw him when he could come get us.

Fast forward 6years, Im now 24 and live with my oh about 1hr and half away from him. we speak rarley on the phone..if we do its because I have called him, if we go to visit him, we are made to feel unwelcome by my step sister who is in her 30s but a right mummys girl and she is ALWAYS there! plus we either have to go for long walks with them (step daughter included) over fields....usually I am not dressed for such activties and walking through cow pats is not my idea of a good time! which they know!
Now he and his girlfriend came to visit us at our flat two weekends ago, and we showed them round where we live, we live by the coast so thought they would enjoy it, but no they didn;t.

Anyway, now thats get to the point of this post (sorry ist long)
I phoned my dad on fathers day, I admit it was quite late in the day, I wished him happy fathers day and he said "bit late day has nearly gone" i said sorry, but as he had been away for the weekend...he had literally jsut got back when I called, I didn;t think it was a problem. We made stilled conversation for few minutes, I asked him if he enjoyed his sunday with us the weekend before, he said Sarcasticlly..."it was the single most enjoyable time of my life" and I replied there was no need to be sarcastic! I was ending the phone conversation when he said " maybe next time I hear from you your have something exciting to say" I was shocked I just said goodbye and hung up, haven't spoken to him since, but saw my brother yesterday he said my dad was round his helping him decorate and my dad is always going out of his way for my brother! I spoke to my mum about it and she just said its a father/son relationship!

Do any other fathers treat there daughters like this, would be interested to know so I dont feel so cr&p about it!!!:mad:

B2B-2008

Didn't want to read and run. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. My step-dad is more of a father to me than my dad. My step-dad gave me away at my wedding. My dad didn't go I didn't want him there.

I think men can easily be led by women (step-mum's) and its the women who don't help in the father/daughter relationship.

I think it is down to jealousy and step-families are hard work and it will only work if everyone tries, step-sister included.

:grouphug:

gill_81uk

*Big Hugs*

I'm sorry, I have no advice to give but I wanted to say that you're dad sounds like a really nasty man and doesn't deserve to have such a nice daughter.

Loopy_Lobes

B2B-2008 wrote: »

I think men can easily be led by women (step-mum's) and its the women who don't help in the father/daughter relationship.

I think it is down to jealousy and step-families are hard work and it will only work if everyone tries, step-sister included.

:grouphug:

I was going to write much the same thing, it sounds like your step mum is not helping the situation. Maybe SHE didn't enjoy the day with you at your place and that put the dampener on it for your dad? I'm also thinking that maybe SHE was the one giving him it in the ear on Father's Day because you rang late and that in turn caused him to be off with you? Your step sister could be turning the knife too.

I would try to get some time alone with him away from the meddling step family. I may be wrong of course but having been in a step family myself I've seen it all before and it didn't end well and I haven't been in touch with them for a long time now.

I hope it works out for you. I know how hurtful it can be.

woody01

The last time i saw my dad was 5 years ago.
He raised a hand to my mum and luckily my fist connected with him first. I was just going to visit them and walked through the back gate.

He turned tails and left and none of us have seen the spineless scummy low life since.

(Hopefully he is dead in a gutter somewhere).

SugarSpun

I don't want to be unsympathetic because it sounds like a horrible situation, but if you know that a visit involves a long walk through muddy fields, why not dress for one?

It sounds to me as though you're inadvertently giving your stepsister and your father's girlfriend ammunition to turn the knife a bit by asking for his approval - did you have fun? and so on. If they'd prefer you not to be there, they'll look for reasons to mock you and that's quite a likely one.

Call him when you have something to say, get off the phone as soon as you don't, and thank all the gods you don't live closer so the ugly step-relations can't do more damage. If you can get him away from them occasionally, so much the better - if not, minimise the harm they can do by dropping the level of your relationship a bit. Sadly, not everyone gets a good father.

nearlyrich

My DD has no relationship with her dad. She got fed up of being left out of the interesting stuff when she was about 8 and said she didn't want to go to his house to be ignored whilst he did things with her brother, she hasn't had a card, present or phone call from him since, his loss.

Pee

Is there anything that you could suggest to do just you and your dad?

I have to say my relationship with my Dad is not good, but at times in the past when it has been fine, he has never been much for phoning. The comments about what time of the day you called sound to me like a woman's comment... I can't see my male friends making a fuss about what point in the day i wished them a happy birthday, for instance. So it does sound as though his girlfriend is encouraging this tone. Maybe you need a break in trying so hard?

Family relationships are very complicated and doubly so when divorce and other people are involved.

It really isn't just you at all.

daily_2

Phone your dad, explain you are hurt, and ask him why he is being like this.

hot.chick

only ring him to explain if your prepared not to get the appologie you are looking for....

my parents split when i was 5 and was awful to me when i was a child, forgetting to pick me up, always going on holidays with his new family and not me, then as an adult he has been rubbish, un supportive, borrowing money (£1000's) and not much of a dad all round... I just don't think they understand that what they do makes you feel bad, they don't see you upset so it's not on thier radar.

I made a decision, I could either cut him out - or accept him for who he is faults and all as he's the only dad I've got...

I've decided to do the latter, he still winds me up and isn't a great dad, but I remind myself that it was my decision to keep him in my life and I get over it.

Good luck what ever you decide to do.

chatnoir

Thanks all your replies. I have done the confronting thing before many times, I used to be tears on the phone to him, asking him why he doesn't bother! it got me no where.
It's strange really, altough he has been with his girlfriend for about 15 years she or he never tried to force us into being a "family" when he took us holiday, she would never come she would go away with her kids and we would go away with my dad and his friend and her son. And also its only recently that they have been more coupley...even though they where together he would just spend time with me and my brother...now she tags along everytime.
I know someone would say, "if you know they go for walks...dress appropiately" but as I said I don't like walking for miles seeing nothing but field after field....but for some reason I think they get some sort of pleasure out of making me do it in my flip flops or high heels! saddists.