Want to enjoy life again...

MortgageMamma

Hi All,

I want your opinions on my dilemna.

I've recently seperated from my husband after 7 miserable years and I have 3 children, 12, 7 and 5.

The eldest child left home to go and live with her dad a week before me and my husband broke up, because they didnt get on and she wanted a bit of stability.

The younger two now live with me in our rented house and my husband has cleared off to his mothers.

My husband is self employed but earns next to nothing as its a new business and he only has a couple of hours a week work. He's asked me to give him £150 a week to cover a loan we took via his Dad and as payment for picking our kids up from school and looking after them until I get home from work. Is it just me or is that not on? I do get some WFTC but now he knows my award will be increasing it feels like he's gone "ker-ching" and seen £££s. I feel a bit resentful towards him for that as I've always been the main breadwinner and he's just dossed about and been in and out of work for years He's moved into his mothers house and she's gone on holiday and left the house with "next to no food in" and he's asked me for money for food as well. I couldnt really say no.....but then I found out yesterday afternoon he was paid £40 for work and went straight to the pub :mad:

Anyway my real dilemna is whether to return to work or not. The figures I have suggest I would be £220 a month worse off for working (from entitledto.co.uk) and just £11.42 a month up for not working. I would really like to turn my life aorund and go back to college or something but I don't know where to start - can you claim benefits as a single mother AND go to college without financial penalty?

Any help would be appreciated

bestpud

Are they his children? I am assuming not.

Few questions:

Is the loan a private agreement?

And how big is it, because £150 a week is one hell of a repayment schedule!

And, can you get anyone else to help with the childcare?

MortgageMamma

The oldest child is not his but the younger two are.
The loan works out at £75 a week - it was a loan his dad took out at a really low rate for us as we could only get about 18% at the time. It finishes in November though. it was for a car.

As for the childcare - no. I don't live near any family, and I know this sounds pathetic but I've been so busy the last 5 years I don't have any friends.

I live quite rurally so not a lot on offer re childcare. I've been to see a couple fo childminders and they want roughly £125 a week before and after school care and £300 per week in school hols. I know it sounds pathetic but I don't really want to send my kids off to a stranger when they are adjusting to a broken home. And all the childminders I met were living in tiny little houses - two of them didnt have their gardens authorised for use.....I just don't think I can do that to my kids.

Edit - I only earn 15k so the costs in childcare even when I get WFTC is going to be quite high for me.

littlemissmoney

If he wants £150 a week to pick your kids up from school then you should charge him for all the hours you look after them!! What a fool.

littlemissmoney

MortgageMamma wrote: »

The loan works out at £75 a week - it was a loan his dad took out at a really low rate for us as we could only get about 18% at the time. It finishes in November though. it was for a car.

Who has the car now?

I would mention CSA to him!

Edit: This is madness! He should be paying you not the other way around. You have a house to run and HIS kids to look after. He is living with his mum!

Smashing

MortgageMamma wrote: »

. He's asked me to give him £150 a week to cover a loan we took via his Dad and as payment for picking our kids up from school and looking after them until I get home from work. Is it just me or is that not on?

It's not just you.

He's moved into his mothers house and she's gone on holiday and left the house with "next to no food in" and he's asked me for money for food as well. I couldnt really say no.....

Yes, you can. You are not his mother.

.

I would really like to turn my life aorund and go back to college or something but I don't know where to start - can you claim benefits as a single mother AND go to college without financial penalty?

More than likely. Single parents are better catered for with educational allowances than most. Your local college website should have details of courses and financial info.

littlemissmoney

If you now have the car, you should tell him to deduct half the car loan repayments from his child maintainance payments.

The_Banker_5

Tell him to pay the loan until November when its finished and then tell him he can then start paying you the £150 per week after he's paid the loan off.

LucyB-Bride_to_Be

He's asking for money to pick his OWN kids up from school??? I'm sorry but thats disgusting behaviour. I would definatly not be giving him anymore money, he's a grown man surely he can pay for his own food?? You should look into the college idea i think you would be entitled to some help with it, also think it would be a good fresh start for you and give you chance to make some new friends. I hope things work out for you xx

bestpud

MortgageMamma wrote: »

The oldest child is not his but the younger two are.
The loan works out at £75 a week - it was a loan his dad took out at a really low rate for us as we could only get about 18% at the time. It finishes in November though. it was for a car.

As for the childcare - no. I don't live near any family, and I know this sounds pathetic but I've been so busy the last 5 years I don't have any friends.

I live quite rurally so not a lot on offer re childcare. I've been to see a couple fo childminders and they want roughly £125 a week before and after school care and £300 per week in school hols. I know it sounds pathetic but I don't really want to send my kids off to a stranger when they are adjusting to a broken home. And all the childminders I met were living in tiny little houses - two of them didnt have their gardens authorised for use.....I just don't think I can do that to my kids.

Edit - I only earn 15k so the costs in childcare even when I get WFTC is going to be quite high for me.

Aww, you sound so fed up, and not pathetic at all! I know exactly where you are coming from and I really feel for you.

He is a grade one prat!

I thought they weren't his children and it would be bad enough then, but if they are his then tell him to take a running jump!

Ok, many would argue with this but if I were you, I'd give up work and explore your study options.

Then you can make the break from him, as he has you over a barrel at the moment. You can also take some time for yourself and really think about where you want to go in life.

College/uni is great for making new friends and you can start getting out and about with your children, and meeting people over the summer too.

Go for it; you know you want to!

Blackpool_Saver

Yes my ex husband used to want paying for having our child so I could work, and he also used to mess me about not being on time so I was always scared I was going to be late... if I had my time over I would nail his !!! to the wall.

Get a solicitor.