Am I better off not working?

MortgageMamma

Dear All,

I am a seasoned MSE member but have not posted for a very long time and I'm totally new to the benefits forum. I desperately need some help and I'm really sorry if this is long winded but I want to be specific so I'm not bombarded with judgemental unhelpful comments.

I have worked all my life, mainly as a mortgage adviser but when the markets turned I left that and got a job. I lost a lot of money in the process and my income dropped from around 45k to 15k. Last week, me and the OH seperated and there is no chance of a reconcilliation. I have two children aged 7 and 5. Both in school.

Previously I didnt need childcare as my husband did the school runs as he was "self employed" i.e. he dossed about the majority of the time and brought in about £20 week after his beers, sky tv, football trips and gambling were taken into account. you get the picture I'm sure. The week before my husband left my eldest daughter left home to go and live with her dad because she could'nt bear the atmosphere here anymore (she's 12). That broke my heart and I'm still hurting. I'd just started a new job. The same week I found out one of my parents was terminally ill. Four weeks prior to all this we moved house for the 5th time in two years (constant downsizing due to lack of money). Its all taken its toll on me and I think I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. In fact I'm not totally sure that I've not already had one - how do you tell?. I've been to the doctors and they have referred me for counselling, the waiting list is 6 weeks minimum. Doc told me to take time off work and sent me away with prozac.

Now, as you can imagine I'm totally confused, heartbroken (as are my kids) I'm tired, angry, despondent and in need of some support. I don't have any friends and I'm not in touch with my family and I couldnt rely on them if I wanted to anyway. I've been thinking this weekend that it would probably be a good idea to take some time off work - by that I mean maybe six months or so. Just to get back on my feet and think about what I want for the future and get the kids sorted out. I went onto entitled to.co.uk and punched in my figures. I did a comparison between working and not working and by working I am -£220.22 MONTH worse off financially wherweas if I am not working I am £11.53+

How can this be?! I thought tax credits were meant to boost your disposable income not the other way around?

My question is what can I claim? is it better to claim the dole (I've still technically got a job) or would I only be eligible for SSP from my employer or would I have to claim incapacity benefit? What would you do in my shoes - battle through the days at work and be worse off for the sake of having a job or take time off?

DUTR

Throw the prozac away, best to deal with the low times naturally, you seem a bright enough lady and have done the maths, for some indeed they are better off not working, however it is a difficult roundabout to get off, so you have to look at the long term benefits of whether to stick with a career or not . Good luck on the long winding road.

Oldernotwiser

I won't go into the money aspect of this because there are other people on here who are better at it than I am.

However, I do think that you need to bear in mind that taking "six months or so " off work can sound lovely but what do you do if that 6 months becomes a year, or 18 months, or even longer?

You may not be feeling terribly career minded at the moment but you probably have been in the past if you've earned that kind of salary so you need to consider the long term implications on your career of what could be a longish period of unemployment.

I think what I'm saying is that you should look at what will be best for you in the longer term, rather than just considering whether you'll be a few pounds better off in the short term. It may also not be a good idea to make these sort of life changing decisions when you're at such a low point.

Good luck

Edit: I disagree with the above poster; Prozac can work wonders for many people, give them a fair try.

krisskross

I think perhaps you and your children need some breathing space. If that means living on benefits for a few weeks/months then so be it. This is what benefits are for....as a short term safety measure.

As you have already seen your GP and been diagnosed then perhaps ESA will be the way to go for you. Do take your prescribed medication, it really can help although it takes a while to kick in. Probably about a month.

Look at all your options, you obviously can't cope with increasing debt every month, that would be silly. Take some time off, especially as the long school holiday is coming and childcare will be an expensive issue. When you feel a bit better who knows what mountains you will be able to climb.

Best wishes to you and your children.

MortgageMamma

Thanks for your help guys. Ok, just a bit more background on me. Before I became a money obsessed career mogul I was a childminder. I loved being with kids and I'm VERY creative (I can draw, paint, make jewellery etc and do so regularly) - I've been thinking of taking time out to do bit more of that and then when I've built up enough stock maybe start selling it. Also, at the moment, purely to solve my childcare dilemna I am doing some training with a virtual services company called arise, so I can work whatever hours I want from home taking orders and enquiries on behalf of catalogue companies, sky tv etc. Its a self employed position and not my idea of fun but its bread and butter.

I don't want a career. I've been through 8 years of hell - I've had money and lost money and to be honest I just want the simple life - to be a good mother, a stable family, stable finances - I'm happy to live on basics so long as I can be a good mum. I used to be very materialistic but things are different now - I understand need from wants. I really need this time to myself. Since having the misfortune of meeting my husband I have had to cope with physical and mental abuse, debt (because of his drinking and gamblinfg and always pressurising me to earn more), I've been abandoned and left stuck in the house with the kids every weekend. I stopped my painting, drawing etc and just read books and got more and more depressed.

I guess I just need a breather to see whats next - at present I have a very stressful job, I'm the head of customer services for the UK longest established and cheapest online electrical retailer. A work day is just one long slog of solving problems, complaints, and rowing with couriers about insurance claims I make for damaged goods . It really is VERY stressful and very badly paid.

I'm thinking i would quite like to go to college in September but not sure how it works - are you allowed to do that if on benefits?

Oldernotwiser

MortgageMamma wrote: »

I'm thinking i would quite like to go to college in September but not sure how it works - are you allowed to do that if on benefits?

You can do this if you're a lone parent on IS but you need to remember that you'll have to come off IS and go onto JSA when your youngest child is 8 and studying then becomes more difficult as you have to be available for work. If this is something you really want to do, now would be a good time to do it.

What are you thinking of doing at college?

ellawood

look at old style I think that would help and look after yourself your children need you to be happy good luck with what you decide to do

MortgageMamma

Thanks. Art and Design. I'd really like to be able to teach children art etc.....I just seems like I have a mountain to climb if I'm to qualify

Oldernotwiser

MortgageMamma wrote: »

Thanks. Art and Design. I'd really like to be able to teach children art etc.....I just seems like I have a mountain to climb if I'm to qualify

A career woman after all then!:D

Seriously, what level of qualifications do you have at the moment?

MortgageMamma

Not a career woman I just want to be doing what I love! kids and art,

I dont know - I dont have any A levels but I took some financial qualifications - I have my financial planning certificate and my certificate in mortgage advice and practice and thats about it. Hopefully my age and experience (33) will get me a place on whatever course I choose to do as its been over 15 years since I did academic study...

bestpud

I've replied to your other thread, asking for a bit more info.

But for this one, are you sure you are that much worse off by working?

Are you counting the £150 a week your ex is asking for in that total?