buying christmas presents for a new baby - inlaws

moiramber

I'd say you're lucky! Regardless of who is buying the stuff it is your child they are buying for which can only be good? :jYes I agree it could be spent on more helpful things that you actually need though! Maybe a quiet chat suggesting this might not go a miss seen as they are buying millions anyway?

My parents in law have given us nothing for our son who is now 5 months old apart from a few horrible cheap clothes I never put on him anyway. This annoys me as they have alot of money and my partner currenlty misses out on 4k a year on grants as he is under 25 and his parents are supposed to support him while at uni, They have not given us a penny the two years he has been there and not even when we had a baby!!:mad: Both my parents have spent a fortune and bought all the big things and constantly buy him stuff :rolleyes:

pretzelnut

I to would be out raged, they've bought everything you dont need and nothing you do need, but thats granparents for you.

They never buy anything of use, but if granny wants to get a rocking horse, i would state that granny is the one who spends several hours a day rocking that child back and forth and making all the horsey noises for authenticity.

There is loads that you can get your child for xmas that will last a lifetime and wont cost that much.

Make a memory box from MDF and decorate it and fill it full of special things, make a scrapbook and fill it in everyday, write your own bedtime story print it off and make it into a special little book, then read it to baby every night.

Then put all these things into that memory box and keep adding to it over the years, 1st pair of shoes, 1st school painting etc etc.

Your child wont remember that horse or what pram he had but he will remember the time, love and effort you put into doing all the above.

I have done this for all my childrens first xmas's and we still add to them now, we get the boxes out occasionally and look at how small the shoes were and how much they've grown. My kids think its great, they call them there treasure boxes and guard them with their lives.

I would just start saying we have everything we need now but if you want to help out we'd be greatful for nappies and wipes, suggest people buy clothes in the next size 3 - 6 months (a newborn doesnt need dozens of new outfits however cute they are) as people forget babies grow etc etc.

And it doesnt matter how much you spend on a pram if your like me you'll be changing it every few months as it doesnt suit your lifestyle anymore, so i buy 2nd hand of ebay now and theirs nothing wrong with that. Although i always buy babies 1st pram new. A baby doesnt need a cot until its a couple of months old as it wil sleep in the moses basket first. At which point baby would have grown out of a lot of things so ebay these and use the money towards a cot. My kids wont sleep in cots, they will only sleep in a travel cot with the bassinette part. There a lot cheaper as well.

So please dont feel guilty about lack of money, i have yet to hear of anyone being a better more loving parent because thier child had the £400 cot instead of the £100 one.

As long as you love your child which you obviously do otherwise this wouldnt be bothering you so much thats all that matters, so please stop beating yourself up about it. When you've fininished your course, you'll be earning money and trust me by then thats when the little one will be putting it to good use.

JoJoB

We went to my mum and dad's for DD's first christmas last year. Everyone went overboard on pressies as expected. I bought DD a rattle. Mostly because we were travelling by train and I didn't really fancy adding to the present haul we would have to carry back with us. Luckily I don't care about being seen as a cruel uncaring misermum.

When you're skint it does sometimes rankle when people spend money on things for you that you don't "need", but please don't forget that the motive is always one of generosity and excitement at your new arrival and as such is always a good thing. I am constantly dismayed by the stories of women on this board who have to battle terrible attitudes from their families while pregnant, so you are definitely one of the lucky ones!

pelirocco

JoJoB wrote: »

We went to my mum and dad's for DD's first christmas last year. Everyone went overboard on pressies as expected. I bought DD a rattle. Mostly because we were travelling by train and I didn't really fancy adding to the present haul we would have to carry back with us. Luckily I don't care about being seen as a cruel uncaring misermum.

When you're skint it does sometimes rankle when people spend money on things for you that you don't "need", but please don't forget that the motive is always one of generosity and excitement at your new arrival and as such is always a good thing. I am constantly dismayed by the stories of women on this board who have to battle terrible attitudes from their families while pregnant, so you are definitely one of the lucky ones!

i couldnt agree more , remember they will be just as excited to be having a grandchild as you are in having a child

Triggles

We bought a fair bit for our 2 grandchildren their first Christmas. But then WE had a new baby as well. And we DID speak to our DS (and DIL) and DD first to find out what they needed for the babies. They were both dealing with extremely difficult finances at the time, so we made sure the stuff we purchased was some mix and match clothing that they could use over the next year, socks, nappies, and things like that. The babies were too little to really know what was going on and I think DIL & DD both had fun opening the stuff for the babies. If either had said they weren't comfortable with it, we wouldn't have done it. This last year at Christmas, both families were in a better financial position, so we didn't do the huge package of stuff like we did the first year, as they didn't really need it. We do try to give the grandchildren little gifts here and there throughout the year - character tshirts, fun little toys, or a small bit of money given to the parents to buy them a treat of some sort (and of the parent's choosing).

One of the grandchildren has a birthday coming up, and we called and spoke to DIL specifically ahead of time to see if there was anything in particular she would like us to get him for his birthday (or if they were buying him something like a bike that needed accessories purchased such as a bike helmet or whatever). I just feel that if we're going to spend a fair amount on a nice gift, I'd like it to be something that the parents are okay with or that the child actually wants or needs as well.

MrsTinks

I can sympathise but remember it's their money
My dad paid for the travel system we wanted for Roo - family tradition my mum has sent over a bunch of clothes (I mean a BUNCH - she's got Disney clothes till she's a few years old!) - I know it didn't cost mum a lot as she workes for the company that own the licensing but if she'd had to buy it it would have cost about £400 retail - insane! And she also flew straight over after Roo was born and has bought us bits and pieces whilst she was here
DHs mum when we told them we were expecting was all "we'll buy the cot etc etc" - we'd be happy if they just paid back the money they have borrowed to be honest... We also bought the cot ourselves and haven't even had a card from MIL or SIL... hohum And they wonder why I don't rush to send them more pictures?
Be grateful they seem so excited and spend the next 5 months trying to train them to buy what would be more useful

smartie12

I would look at the positvie side... your baby will be lucky enough to have grandparents! Neither myself of DH have parents or family.

My 13 DS has grandparents that don't bother with him and I'd love them to buy unneccesary things!

Theres not much you can do about the things they've already bought but maybe you could have a word about the future and explain you'd rather have help with the more expensive items you'll be needing.

memelalou

thanks everyone for your answers!
your right i should be grateful for their interest but i'm also glad you can see it from my p.o.v
aren't you MSE people lovely!

faerie_girl

Our LO was due 21st December last year and we told everyone not to buy anything for Christmas incase he came late. Plus everyone had bought us lots of clothes for the first couple of months, teddies, my aunt had past us lots of things my cousin had outgrown. As it was he was born 4th January so he missed Christmas anyway.
Its going to be a lot of fun this year, his first Christmas then 10 days later his first birthday! He is the first grandson/ greatgrandson for both sides of our family. I know that my family will ask what to get but OH's mum especially will go overboard with charity shop tat. She made us a nappy cake when I was pregant, it looked really good and she must have put a lot of effort in it. Only thing was though that the all the nappies and clothes were all newborn size for up to 7lb 6 I think. LO was born 8lb's so barely anything fit.
If people ask we will be telling them that if they want to, they could get him either a christmas or birthday present and money for his saving account for the other day. This is just a thought though as I don't want the house be full of tons of new toys etc then not have anything the rest of the year for him.
New babies can bring the best or the worst out in families.