i want another aby, o/h doesnt, now what?

alison999

We already 2 kids, the youngest is 2 and the oldest is now at school.

Im still young, mid twenties and feel that now is the best time for #3, we are financially stable and have a happy home.

My o/h is 10 years older then me so maybe thats it....

He wont really discuss it, just says 'no' whenever i bring it up, but where do we go now? i dont have that feelin that women talk about, that our family is 'complete'.

i guess im just venting but id like him to open up about why #3 isnt a option. if #3 were to come along id like it to be while im still young as i plan on doing a course, degree of some sort when theyre all at school.

HELP!

whitewing

Maybe he is feeling less secure about his job than he is letting on?

Have you always planned on 2 or did you never talk about actual numbers before?

Woby_Tide

maybe he feels that the family is complete etc.. As above maybe he's worried about work and things so doesn't want to have any potential risks for time being. Also remember that no.3 may turn out to be 3 and 4 and other such less likely eventualities.....:)

alison999

we never spoke about numbers though i always made it clear i wanted a big family. he just says we have a boy and girl, they have their own rooms and thats 'perfect'.

whitewing

So would there be an extra bedroom for the 3rd? I shared a bedroom and feel quite strongly that I would not like my children to share (reality may be different).

If you're not talking just about a 3rd child, but about moving house, taking on a bigger mortgage, you not going back to work so soon (unless you're a SAHM), it's not simply a case of a 3rd child.

border_collie

Three children was great when they were little but a BLOODY NIGHTMARE when they were older and they want so much stuff then university etc etc.,



Would defo stick at two if I had my time over again.

BitterAndTwisted

Maybe husband just wants you for himself now that your youngest is not a baby any more. It's not unknown for men to feel pushed out and perhaps he doesn't want to be made to feel that he's just some breeding-resource

Paparika

Can i ask (and hope you don't take offense) why you want a big family when we are so over populated in the world?

Is it you that want the children, do you not feel complete without a large family, have you though of his views or asked him?

Alikay

We had our 3rd child when the others were 5 and almost 3. It wasn't just a case of slotting one more into the existing set-up: We soon felt our existing 3 bed semi was too small, likewise our smallish family car couldn't take 2 booster seats plus a baby seat in the back so we had to upgrade to something more expensive and thirstier. Childcare costs were out of the question on the sort of salary I was earning so I stayed home and did evening work when the bills piled up which wasn't easy for DH who was working f/t and attending uni p/t too, and needing child-free time for his studies. Also my parents found 3 kids harder to babysit, and mum was fighting cancer within a year of no 3's arrival....so we went out as a couple literally once or twice a year.

But it was worth it because we were both wanted a third child....your DH doesn't. I wouldn't advise trying to twist his arm: you have a lovely family now and a third WILL make things more expensive and harder work.

oompahloompah

Life isn't set up for families of 5 (or more), which is something I didn't know until DS3 came along - it is an absolute nightmare trying to find holiday accommodation (home or abroad) that doesn't break the bank for example; they will all need their own rooms when they get to the teenage stage; unless you live somewhere with fantastic public transport you will need a bigger car as they grow (and as someone above said to fit all the booster seats in); even something as simple as taking them swimming - our local pool has a policy of one adult per child under 6 - we had 3 children in 4 years, so had to drive for miles to take them swimming; as they grow and become involved in their own activities I sometimes think I need to split myself in 3 when they have to be in different places at the same time!

richardw

alison999 wrote: »

we are financially stable and have a happy home.

Well done. How would a 3rd child change this?