so so fed up.

JOANNESAPHINE

Just wanted to say the same as others in that your posts don't sound like you are as bad as you think, you have written lots and sound intelligent to me. I know exactly what you mean about the struggling to socialise. I have suffered badly too and have had to push myself into talking to people which hasn't felt natural or at all easy. I don't do clubs and I really don't like formal meals, weddings and social gatherings. I was brought up in a family with two very shy parents with low self-esteem themselves who gave me very little attention/affection and I have suffered with socialising terribly. I have enough self-help books to stock a small library but have found cognitive therapy very helpful. I listen to others and if I feel comfortable with them try asking about them and sometimes it works and I strike up some friendships and sometimes it doesn't but I know that if I don't try it just gets harder and harder. I do agree with another poster who mentioned something about needing to practice because I know that the less you talk to people the harder it gets. I do sympathise but I know it can get better, it has for me and I have felt in despair over it before. I will never be the life and soul of the party but I can now cope with people and make friends. It isn't easy but it is worth it to push yourself and try. You can do it, if I can I know you can too. I am nearly 40 and still don't find this easy but it is better.

RedBern

you say you've got a mundane job - is it full time? If you have any free time, how about volunteering somewhere? Depending on where you live there should be a central volunteering association that could point you in the right direction. In that way, you wouldn't need to go into big groups, there's all sorts of volunteering and, certainly in the area I live, there's never enough.

How about setting yourself small targets, things that you think are achievable? Something like.... speaking to a neighbour, nothing earth shattering, just .." terrible weather, wish it were summer...." and smiling - ok,forget the smiling it sometimes frightens people;) but just a little conversation. And don't think you're alone feeling like this. You're not, it's just some people can hide it better than others.

ameliarate

I work with women who have suffered abuse as children.. CBT or DBT may help, but actually I think as others have said it is now a self esteem problem (unless you are suffering serious flashbacks

Many of the women I work with start off with volunary work or short evening classes. If you don't feel so good around adults, what about volunteering with animals first of all?

I think it sounds like you are actually doing brilliantly to have suffered that way and now be in a relationship and holding down a job. Well done. You can take the next step just try a little one first.

FirstTimer4Me

hi thanks for the replies and avice

redburn i work full time but your post gave me something to think about

thing is i need to build my confidence before starting to face challenges i have a drs apointment tomorrow to see weather i can have some medication to help with my low esteme

the posts in this thread have helped me come to terms what my real issue is and thats my low self esteme ive had it most of my life i was not aware of it tho i just thought i had depression

most of my adult life ive been on and still am on anti depressants / beta blockers for panic attacks yet none of these tablets have helped with my low self estem but iwas not aware i had low self estem i just thought it was me being me (if that makes sense)

in the long term i no medication is not the answer but i need something to boost my confidence in order for me to takle the issues i have.

thanks to you all for helping me