We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
so so fed up.

FirstTimer4Me
Posts: 1,079 Forumite
i've sat here for a few hours wondering weather to post or not, not really sure where i begin.
it’s important to start of by saying I’m in no way after attention / sympathy I guess I’m looking for idea’s, i’m 50 and have great difficulty mixing / communicating with people, i cannot engage in a long conversation because i never know what to say regardless of the subject, i have difficulty even starting a conversation because I’m extremely uneducated.
some brief history, I suffered a very traumatized childhood, resulting in me receiving ECT treatment during my teens/ early twenties, since then and for over 30 years I’ve been under psychiatric / psychotherapy treatment, although that treatment ceased 2 years ago, i’ve been on medication for most of my like, I’m convinced now when I look back the ECT treatment i received somewhat damaged my brain in that i cannot retain information very well, it goes in but never stays in, which brings me back to the point i made when i say i’m extremely uneducated, i have no difficulty remembering events from 20-30-40 years ago, but ask me about something last week and i’m really stuck..
i cannot get focused into reading / activities / social gatherings etc, etc, i’ve tried so many time over a 30 year period and just cannot get into anything, my job is a very mundane job again because i’m not educated enough to fulfill a more challenging role, over the years i've tried colleges / night school etc, etc but given up because I cannot concentrate on the subject, when i was trying to educate myself it became a real challenge so much so, it created depression as the more i tried and it wouldn’t go in, the more frustrated I became creating the depression.
i’m in a long term relationship but we seldom chat in depth because we have very little to talk about, we just glide through, I’m now at the stage where I’ve had enough, I don’t know what the answer really is, I’ve been on psychiatric medication for most of my life which keep me on a level playing field, but what’s getting to me the most is not being able to engage with people, for example, I’ve looked at threads within the money savers arms, it frustrates me when I see people posting just general everyday comment, why is it I don’t have the same capability mentally to engage like them? It’s so difficult to explain.
my OH and I have very, very few friends again, in fact, if i was asked how many true friends we have I could honestly say none, because I cannot hold a conversation, those we thought were friends just drifted away, I’m convinced it’s because people don’t want to come round / invite us round just to sit there, when i speak to colleagues / friends / neighbours etc, my main point of chat is, “how are you or the weather” it’s just a quick 2 minute chat and that’s it.
i’m not suicidal / depressed, but I am really fed up with the way my life is, i’ve tried mixing but due to my psychological issues again, it’s so difficult for me to mix, I’m basically a couch potato, i have spoken to my GP about the issues I’ve expressed above, but he’s one of those GPs who thinks it’s all in my mind, i so, so, wish / regret having that ECT treatment all thos years ago, what's done is done i guess, sorry for the long post, but i’m just so frustrated not having the confidence / education to communicate with people which is the majic wand i'm looking for i guess.
ta for reading my post, i just needed to get it out of my system.
it’s important to start of by saying I’m in no way after attention / sympathy I guess I’m looking for idea’s, i’m 50 and have great difficulty mixing / communicating with people, i cannot engage in a long conversation because i never know what to say regardless of the subject, i have difficulty even starting a conversation because I’m extremely uneducated.
some brief history, I suffered a very traumatized childhood, resulting in me receiving ECT treatment during my teens/ early twenties, since then and for over 30 years I’ve been under psychiatric / psychotherapy treatment, although that treatment ceased 2 years ago, i’ve been on medication for most of my like, I’m convinced now when I look back the ECT treatment i received somewhat damaged my brain in that i cannot retain information very well, it goes in but never stays in, which brings me back to the point i made when i say i’m extremely uneducated, i have no difficulty remembering events from 20-30-40 years ago, but ask me about something last week and i’m really stuck..
i cannot get focused into reading / activities / social gatherings etc, etc, i’ve tried so many time over a 30 year period and just cannot get into anything, my job is a very mundane job again because i’m not educated enough to fulfill a more challenging role, over the years i've tried colleges / night school etc, etc but given up because I cannot concentrate on the subject, when i was trying to educate myself it became a real challenge so much so, it created depression as the more i tried and it wouldn’t go in, the more frustrated I became creating the depression.
i’m in a long term relationship but we seldom chat in depth because we have very little to talk about, we just glide through, I’m now at the stage where I’ve had enough, I don’t know what the answer really is, I’ve been on psychiatric medication for most of my life which keep me on a level playing field, but what’s getting to me the most is not being able to engage with people, for example, I’ve looked at threads within the money savers arms, it frustrates me when I see people posting just general everyday comment, why is it I don’t have the same capability mentally to engage like them? It’s so difficult to explain.
my OH and I have very, very few friends again, in fact, if i was asked how many true friends we have I could honestly say none, because I cannot hold a conversation, those we thought were friends just drifted away, I’m convinced it’s because people don’t want to come round / invite us round just to sit there, when i speak to colleagues / friends / neighbours etc, my main point of chat is, “how are you or the weather” it’s just a quick 2 minute chat and that’s it.
i’m not suicidal / depressed, but I am really fed up with the way my life is, i’ve tried mixing but due to my psychological issues again, it’s so difficult for me to mix, I’m basically a couch potato, i have spoken to my GP about the issues I’ve expressed above, but he’s one of those GPs who thinks it’s all in my mind, i so, so, wish / regret having that ECT treatment all thos years ago, what's done is done i guess, sorry for the long post, but i’m just so frustrated not having the confidence / education to communicate with people which is the majic wand i'm looking for i guess.
ta for reading my post, i just needed to get it out of my system.
0
Comments
-
-
Ok.
I think you are trying too hard. Reason:
You say you can't start a long conversation but that post was quite long
You say you are uneducated, but it was extremely well written.
I can't spot whether you are male or female, but I am lying in bed still, so I might be missing that.
Lets start from what you like, rather than trying to shoehorn you into stuff you don't.
Also, what sort of courses have you done, and why did you choose them?
Do you have any hobbies/interests at all....do you go on holiday, and if you do, what do you do when you are there. I'm trying to get a feel for whether you like to do anything outside of your everyday life and I'm not going to put words in your mouth so tell us what you do if you have a week with nothing planned.
Also, you say you are a couch potato, what sort of programmes do you watch when you are being a 'couch potato', if indeed it is TV that you concentrate on when you are couching?0 -
Ok.
I think you are trying too hard. Reason:
You say you can't start a long conversation but that post was quite long
You say you are uneducated, but it was extremely well written.
you beat me to those very points. You sound lacking in self esteem, which is nothing at all to do with intelligence or education.
Believe me, we don't all have fantastically interesting lives, as you'll gather from a lot of the posts here. Sometimes it feels ok to have a boring life, and other times it feels like the end of the world.
For what it's worth, in your position I'd be looking at addressing problems of low self esteem, your GP should be able to help and not just direct you to medication.Bern :j0 -
http://www.lifetrainingonline.com/blog/how_to_read_people.htm
Have a quick look at the Onion Theory.0 -
On top of Zazen's excellent post I would also ask whether you might consider exercise as a way to meet new people? Often you will find local running clubs where it's perfectly fine to run alongside people and mostly listen or just talk a little bit. you always have the 'saving my breath' excuse if you want it. Or even being a bit hard of hearing if you struggle to retain info. Also if you're feeling low exercise can really help to motivate you.
As Zazen said though you don't sound too bad to me though if that helps0 -
I agree with Zazen999 - you certainly don't come over as uneducated or anything else. There are lots of things you can do with or without your OH. I think you lack social skills because you don't practice them. When I feel under pressure my brain goes blank and I either gabble or can't get my words out! How about music appreciation, art classes, walking clubs, keepfit/yoga classes. You don't need to be talking all the time anyway - people will think you are monopolizing the conversation! Be a good listener instead. You may well have more practical skills than you imagine. A friend of mine struggles with his short-term memory (he has a form of dyslexia) and didn't do well at school, but with alot of hard work trained successfully for his new career which is a very practical subject, and he can talk happily about it for ages because he really knows and understands it now. It also earns him very good money!0
-
thankyou all so much for your help, you've all helped me try and understand what my issues are.
i nobelive it's more of a low self esteme i have, how do i deal with that i'm not sure, i'm going back to my gp to ask if i can have some medication to assist me with my low self esteme
it may be helpful if i gave just a little bit of history to help understand why / who the oerson i am today, during my childhood i was both sexually and psychailly assualted for many years which destroyed my faith and trust in human nature also the damge it done to me is another reason why i received ECT treatment
the years of abuse broke the trust i had in people sadly that trust has never ever come back in over 40 years,yet is another reason why i have difficulty mixing / communicating with anyone, i have receive 10 years of psychothreapy treatment but that was for the abuse i suffered and about coming to terms with my abusers it never dealt with my low self esteme
the abuse has created huge problemms for me sexually, in that although i'm in a gay relationship and have been for almost 25 years i'm actually bisexual, this creates enourmous problems for me to try and deal with my sexual feelings,
the above hopefuly explains why i have diffulty mixing with or trusting anyone the foundations that are installed within a childs life were never there for me, which goes someway to explain why i have the issues i have.
the medication i'm on now and have been for many years is for depression and panic attacks
i'm 50 years old now and feel my brain is programed if that makes sense
i hope the above gives some understanding as to why i'm so messed up0 -
Hi the only way to build up self esteem is by doing things that you have avoided. Just by posting on here shows that your a intelligent human being and that you can communicate with others.
Take this as a spring board to your new way of doing things. Medication will not build your self esteem only you can do that.0 -
Hi
Your first post was eloquent; your perceptions of yourself seem to be at odds with your actual performance.
Rather that trying to get into situations that require "conversation" and you find daunting, would you consider something like BTCV, Green Gym, where you are doing things and can talk about what you are doing together if nothing else?
And just a small story.
Loads of folk round the camp fire at the end of a long day working in the hills (might have been bracken-bashing or path maintenance). One of the blokes makes room for another person he does not know. They sit and talk comfortably for about an hour, about all sorts of stuff to do with conservation, music, the environment, changes in the law, with others drifting into the conversation or them joining other conversations. The first bloke gets up and announces he is off to sleep, as he was up very early. The other guy comes and sits next to me and exclaims - "Did you know he is a doctor? I've been talking to a DOCTOR, just like he was an ordinary person, me who is just a rigger and left school with nothing. i would never have spoken to him if I had known. "
I pointed out that the first bloke is an ordinary person who shares the same interests and it was quite obvious that the rigger was holding his own in the conversation and he under-estimated his ability. It would be a great pity if he stopped talking to someone who shared the same interests just because the guy was a doctor.
I did not dare tell Billy that the first bloke was actually a consultant surgeon but....
The point is that if Billy had known that the first bloke was a doctor he would have never discovered how much they had in common and been too frightened to speak up and share his not inconsiderable knowledge and opinions.If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing0 -
ask your GP about counselling to help you deal with the feelings about your abuse. There's lots of help out there, you just need to be brave enough to take it - and do it a bit at a time. Small steps......good luck!Bern :j0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 352K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.5K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.2K Spending & Discounts
- 245.1K Work, Benefits & Business
- 600.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.4K Life & Family
- 258.8K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards