How often is it "normal" to fall out with OH?

angelicmary85

It's normal to have small disagreements in relationships, could you be taking your 'after a busy day at work 'stress out on him? Maybe if you just give him a good, long...hug (:rolleyes: you thought I was going to say something else didn't you?!) you might feel a bit better? I always give OH a hug to make up, seems to make everything feel good again!

not_tonight_josephine_2

Thanks AngelicMary, tbh we've both been so tired lately that there hasn't been as much "hugging" as usual! Am going to make more of an effort in that area too.....

angelicmary85

not_tonight_josephine wrote: »

Thanks AngelicMary, tbh we've both been so tired lately that there hasn't been as much "hugging" as usual! Am going to make more of an effort in that area too.....

You may find that not 'hugging' is making you feel down, I find that sometimes a night of 'having relations' is enought to make us both feel better about being a couple and I've always found it easier to really open up and talk properly when we're lying in bed (We don't have to have been doing anything, I just find it a bit nicer because we're both relaxed)

newnhak

When I went to relationship counselling because of our bickering they suggested that it would help to actively listen to each other more.

The exercise they suggested was each of us to take turns talking about our day/any issues etc for a minute (do it when relaxed not straight in from work). The other person listens without interrrupting and then spends about 20-30 secs summarising what was said (to show they have listened). Then you swap over.

Might be worth a try. I am not saying your relationship needs counselling though - it actually sounds fairly healthy to me. All the literature I have read on relationships has said arguing isnt necessarily bad it is the way you communicate that may or may not cause a problem.

LabLover

Thought I would post as most people who have replied are in the no arguments camp. My partner and I have an amazing relationship , but we bicker alot , most of the time we end up laughing because its over something rediculious. Neither of us take it personally its just the dynamics of our relationship , its how we work.When we are in love we are madly in love and when we bicker we are like big kids but it only makes our relationship stronger. This is way off topic but I was reading an article on MSN yesterday about the Singer Pink on why she was giving her marrage another go and she said that no-one can push her buttons and wind her up in the way that her husband does and that they are just meant to be together and life without him doesnt feel right :smileyhea On a more serious note I remember my best friends parents NEVER argued in front of her , they would sneak off to different room and have arguments in private then when my friend moved in the with OH they had an argument over where to put the DVDs and she picked up her bags which she hadnt even packed and walked out because she was so upset that they had had an argument and that they couldnt be right for each other if they argued . Arguements are healthy in a relationship , but sometimes when your stressed out and over worked everything seems much worse. Hopes this helps

princessamy86

Also thought I would add that my sister in law and hubby bicker almost constantly! It's just the way they are but it took me a while to get used to it, he'd say something and she'd start back and I'd think, argh I'm in the middle of a domestic! It's not serious though, just the way they communicate with each other. Try and relax a bit, good ideas from angelicmary and newnhak.

mountainlioness

I read a good article on relationships a while back (I cut it out and kept it). One bit I underlined said:

"Always treat your husband as you would your closest friend. When my closest friend is in the house, I do not criticise her way of stacking the dishwasher. I never look askance if she has another glass of wine. I do not try to change her. Because I love her, I allow her to be the person she so magnificently is."

Not saying you don't but it is easy to slip into habits of niggling about little things (on both sides) that then become bigger things, or at least longer-term resentments. When you take a step back from the situation, often you realise that what you bicker about really is trivial - and the friendship test is a good one. If it's not the kind of thing you'd challenge a friend on then is it worth challenging your partner? OK living together brings a greater intensity to the situation and you need to negotiate over time a happy way of doing so, but at the end of the day our OHs are our friends too and they and we deserve the kind of tolerance, affection and respect we show our other friends.:D

Not saying I always keep to it but every so often I re-read the piece to remind myself :rolleyes:

Edit: realised I didn't answer your question! We have only ever had a proper argument about 3 times in 4 years (and I can't remember what they were about!). We don't tend to bicker as we're both quite laid back (DH does have his moments though - every so often he gets antsy about messiness but it is quickly resolved) and seem to be incapable of staying annoyed with each other. If we do disagree it's probably a quick snap and done, but I honestly can't remember the last time. He is v tolerant and I'm a v lucky lady

Reggie_Rebel

Try communicating by post-it note, works for us

mountainlioness

BTw sometimes just saying 'I'm feeling a bit grouchy, sorry' is enough for the other person not to take it personally and can prevent an argument. I'm a lot less talkative than OH and often don't want to talk about my day, particularly if it's been a bit stressful. When I remember just to say that rather than clam up or snap then he knows just to give me a bit of space (or rabbit about his own day, which I like) and that it's not him

Silverbird

Some really excellent advice here from mountainlioness :T