Once More With Feeling! - Buffy's debt diary

ZTD

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

I don't expect him to be depressed no? xx

So why are you depressed when other bloke rejects you?

Buffythedebtslayer

ZTD wrote: »

So why are you depressed when other bloke rejects you?

because he was cute and I liked him. And to be honest I just think the cute young guy was chancing his arm?

xxx

ZTD

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

because he was cute and I liked him. And to be honest I just think the cute young guy was chancing his arm?

xxx

And you weren't chancing yours..?

urg123

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Well after a fitful night's sleep - a spider had the cheek to be on my wall as I was reading in bed! caught him and put him down the drain with lots of warm water. I couldn't sleep till three. did lots of thinking.

Yeach - it's moths with me - I hate the things!

Thank you for all the lovely messages guys. I am very lucky to have this place and all of you xxxx

We're lucky to have you too Buffy.

I have come to the conclsion that truthfully really truthfully I am lazy. That is the bottom line here.

I don't go out cos I can't be bothered - I can excuse my way out of everything.
I look to other places to place blame - my life circumstance is all my choice. I am in danger of becoming a martyr my worst night mare.

I eat badly because I don't shop or even think about my food intake, Money swims in to my account and then swims out again because I can't be bothered to budget.

I have phases where I don't spend AT ALL, I ban myself from Amazon, ebay and the high st and I make over payments. That is not sustainable, i will not work simply to pay bills I want to be able to go away, to buy books, to have nice clothes. So then I splurge and undo everything.

I am not sure I can change this. I read the diaries I look at my real friends lives and realise that not many people change and remain changed. I am not saying events don't change people cos they do but the fundamental make up of a person - I don't think I will change. I am lazy and I am short term, the easy way way out the quick fix. Spent ten years feeling !!!!! and overweight and worried about money ever since I left uni.

The pay off my life being like this is very short term - no responsibility. I have no house no kids, no ambitition I don't have to worry about those things, life was easy, lonely(which I never minded) and directionless(also never minded) but easy.

Slowly responsibility creeps in any way the debt for one thing and my family. I find myself ill-equipped to deal with this. I have never missed a payment and I hope I haven't let my family down, but I have been treading water. Milling around ambling through life.

And really it is down my laziness.

my signature says you don't have to like it you just have to do it. And i think that is it. I know what I have to do to get out of debt, budget, e bay, sell on Amazon,run Avon properly, if I want to lose weight I need to get up and run, exercise, eat five fruit and veg a day.If I want more control over my life I need to have conversations with Mum and take responsiblity, learn to drive, And I can honestly tell you NONE of those appeal to me not one bit.

But I think its time I grew up and just got on with it whether I like it or not. I probably won't like it but I do need to grow up.


xxxx

I read this, and nearly cried. There are days like today when I think you and I must be 'twins'. I have exactly the same worries as you - that I'll never change, that I will always be overweight, that money will always control me, that I will never be tidy.:o

I read something once that did make me think - is it really laziness or is it learned fear. We stop ourselves from doing things because we are scared of the consequences. For example, moving out of home is something that you desperately want but are held back from because you are worried about your mum and other consequences.

It's late and I am not quite sure I am making sense - but I don't think you are lazy and neither do a lot of people. But maybe a question you should ask yourself is this... why do you sabotage yourself?

urg x x

pepe2008

Buffy, I've only met you once ( although we've talked via MSE ) and you are a very caring, balanced person. You maybe care bit too much for OTHER people rather than yourself, or maybe it just feels that way because you are very good at analysing a situation and giving appropriate advice/support.
However, when it comes to you......you are a bit hard on yourself, seemingly finding faults in yourself rather than celebrating your many good points.
Take care of YOU Buffy, take advantage of a situation for YOU for a change. Put youself first. XXX

Shoe_Gal

Hi Buffy :hello:

Hope you are feeling a bit better today? Just to add to all the lovely stuff everybody else has said (and they all say it so much better than me ) don't be so down on yourself ( a quick read of my diary will show I'm not always that good at taking my own advice )

You always sound like such a lovely, caring person and just to echo what somebody (?) else said - please put yourself on the list :A

Take care
Shoe Gal x

Buffythedebtslayer

thank you Pepe and Shoegal xxxx I just think I need to toughen up a bit and get on with it!

Good Quotes for those who's Light bulbs have been flickering!

"Fall seven times, get up eight." - Japanese Proverb

"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." - John Quincy Adams

pepe2008

'Hurt me once, shame on you....
...Hurt me twice, shame on me...'

:kisses3:

scrooge2008

Thanks for your post Buffy. I've had those same thoughts, about how people don't really change, and what is the point of climbing up the ladder, when I never seem to get to my destination.

Sometimes I am so close to my goals, but life gets in the way and I just have to pick myself up, dust myself down and start all over again.

Think you just have to try and enjoy the journey, none of us are ever going to be our perfect self, for longer than a few days. But I can tell you one thing, if we didn't try at all where would we be. The alcoholic lying in the gutter, the drug addict, the self obsessed gambler.

Just keep plugging away, and be kind to yourself every day, (in an MSE way). Everyone has up and down days, you are just very honest about yours xx

The last book I read was Time Management for Manic Mums. The writer kept referring to Perfect Paula, who did everything right, and Manic Martha, who I totally identified with who was always chasing her tail. Came to the conclusion that if I did become Perfect Paula, everyone would hate me, because i'd show them all up, that made me feel soooo much better. At least Manic Martha would have plenty of friends.

Shoe_Gal

Thanks :A - a very true and inspiring post, especially about accepting that we will never be our 'perfect vision' of ourselves :T