Once More With Feeling! - Buffy's debt diary

sarahb123_3

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Positives
seen my friends
booked hotel for Weymouth
done my exercise vid every day
slept loads.
been to the movies
got a nice e mail from a bloke(!)
stuck to the diet 3/5 days.

Just concentrate on these for a while, can't remember your exact old sig, but was it "your focus becomes your reality?" So just focus on the positives.

If you are going to start ebaying again could you really throw yourself at it during the hols and put all the money you get straight onto just one card?

Ignore the friend who was being nasty about your previous relationships, there must be something very wrong in her life for her to be behaving like that, happy people don't do that. She is just trying to big herself up by making you feel small. Ignore her, it's a mean thing to do and don't let her see she has got to you.

Re the dating site, you don't sound stuck up at all. Sometimes two nice normal people just don't gel, there's nothing more to it than that. I know you just want what other people want (believe me, I know:rolleyes:) but for some of us it just doesn't happen in the time honoured fashion and we have to go on a wierd and wonderful journey instead. We will still get there, we are just going a different route.

Are the display boards vision boards? I have been doing mine and it really does make you think about what you do want.

Well done for sticking to the diet, I am starting a new one today:rolleyes:

Remember we said 2009 was going to be our year. :j So just keep thinking of the positives so that by the end of the year you have a nice long list of all the fabby things you have achieved :j

Buffythedebtslayer

Well after a fitful night's sleep - a spider had the cheek to be on my wall as I was reading in bed! caught him and put him down the drain with lots of warm water. I couldn't sleep till three. did lots of thinking.

Thank you for all the lovely messages guys. I am very lucky to have this place and all of you xxxx

I have come to the conclsion that truthfully really truthfully I am lazy. That is the bottom line here.

I don't go out cos I can't be bothered - I can excuse my way out of everything.
I look to other places to place blame - my life circumstance is all my choice. I am in danger of becoming a martyr my worst night mare.

I eat badly because I don't shop or even think about my food intake, Money swims in to my account and then swims out again because I can't be bothered to budget.

I have phases where I don't spend AT ALL, I ban myself from Amazon, ebay and the high st and I make over payments. That is not sustainable, i will not work simply to pay bills I want to be able to go away, to buy books, to have nice clothes. So then I splurge and undo everything.

I am not sure I can change this. I read the diaries I look at my real friends lives and realise that not many people change and remain changed. I am not saying events don't change people cos they do but the fundamental make up of a person - I don't think I will change. I am lazy and I am short term, the easy way way out the quick fix. Spent ten years feeling !!!!! and overweight and worried about money ever since I left uni.

The pay off my life being like this is very short term - no responsibility. I have no house no kids, no ambitition I don't have to worry about those things, life was easy, lonely(which I never minded) and directionless(also never minded) but easy.

Slowly responsibility creeps in any way the debt for one thing and my family. I find myself ill-equipped to deal with this. I have never missed a payment and I hope I haven't let my family down, but I have been treading water. Milling around ambling through life.

And really it is down my laziness.

my signature says you don't have to like it you just have to do it. And i think that is it. I know what I have to do to get out of debt, budget, e bay, sell on Amazon,run Avon properly, if I want to lose weight I need to get up and run, exercise, eat five fruit and veg a day.If I want more control over my life I need to have conversations with Mum and take responsiblity, learn to drive, And I can honestly tell you NONE of those appeal to me not one bit.

But I think its time I grew up and just got on with it whether I like it or not. I probably won't like it but I do need to grow up.


xxxx

spud30

Are you sure it's laziness? Look at the 2 times we've met. Think about how much effort was involved for you to get to the meets

Saying that, I'm incredibly lazy I'm on day 1 of the school hols, and am determined to spend the 6 weeks making a difference to life in general. I've tidied the kitchen and my desk today. Will do more tomorrow

Lula-Hula

Buffy my lovely,

I think you are probably underestimating the toll of all the last few months stress . I speak from experience here :rolleyes:.

When we are in a situation that we have to cope with ( such as your work) our bodies kind of take over & we run on adrenalin & being hyped up.

When suddenly all that is no longer necessary ( ie the hols) it takes a while for our bodies to readjust to not having to be hyped up all the time.Our systems crash, we feel lethargic & despondent.

I coped for 2 years in a job I loved but which was very stressful & in a relationship that was destroying me but was finacnially necessary. When the two ended, within a month of eachother, rather than feeling happy, relaxed & relieved, my entire system just crashed & I felt awful. I'd been living on the adrenalin in order to cope with it all for so long that when I didnt need it anymore I just felt flooded & overwhelmed by everything.

Give yourself a chance to properly relax & i'm sure you will start to feel better about everything.

I think one of the hardest things for teachers to cope with is the constant stopping & starting of routines. I reckon that's a much underestimated side affect of your job.

Men & relationhsips are not the measure of your success as a human being, maybe they are for your mean 'friend'. You have a lot more going for you than just that :A

catspaw

Hi Buffy,

I echo what LH says. Don't underestimate the stress. You can go for months and sometimes years and finally once the stress goes you body says 'sod this I've had enough' and you sort of collapse and catch every bug under the sun.

I get the 'I'm too darn lazy'feeling almost everyday when all I want to do is run and hide, and def not want to grow up. For me I will spend and not eat at my worst I was just under 6 stone....now due to getting rid of the stress ( or ex hubbie) I am just under 8.

Take some time where you just think of 1 thing a day -and make some of that time just for you, not MSE or ayone else just you.

Things will get better.

Buffythedebtslayer

Hello folks,
I do get what you are saying re the stress but I think people have worse times and make a better job of their lives.

I do feel a bit all at sea. I am sure like you say it will pass.

This afternoon I cleaned the bathroom, it looks good, binned loads of stuff and cleaned every bit! I have decided that the bathroom sink will be my shiny sink a la Fly lady. I can't do the kitchen one- mums area! So I am heading over to find the fly lady thread

I quite fancy a drink and some chocolate. hmmmmmm. maybe I should stick to the options hot chocolate.

decisions decisions !!

thanks again Spud,Lula and catspaw

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

beanielou

Buffy~Just had a quick skim & Im tired but just to say I think that you are far too hard on yourself.
As DS would say to me'Take a chill pill'!!
Hope you feel more positive soon though & take lots of care hun xxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

cheers Beanie you are too kind xxxxx

Just a random add on, I was miserable cos(amongest other reasons) one guy ignored me on a dating site but if I had been feeling a bit more positive I would have mentioned a cute guy (highly unsuitable) who flirted a far bit in his messages so that was nice.

I just read leesoutheast 's post about how he will debt free by the end of the year. Amazing stuff. Made me wonder how much I could pay off!


So i shall work a budget of some kind xxx

ZTD

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Just a random add on, I was miserable cos(amongest other reasons) one guy ignored me on a dating site but if I had been feeling a bit more positive I would have mentioned a cute guy (highly unsuitable) who flirted a far bit in his messages so that was nice.

Do you expect cute guy to be depressed because you've rejected him?

Buffythedebtslayer

ZTD wrote: »

Do you expect cute guy to be depressed because you've rejected him?

I don't expect him to be depressed no? xx