Mums worried what'll happen when she dies.

athensgeorgia

As the title says mum is really worried about what'll happen when she dies. She has 6 children and speaks to 3 of them. She updated her will and has made me, my husband and my brother as executers. But shes still convinced my older sisters will come to her house and take stuff which she tells me all the time to not allow. I already hate talking about her dying that i'm not sure i'll be strong enough to stop them when it does happen. She tells me that if 'them girls' come into her house she'll haunt me forever which i know shes joking about but it only reiterates how strongly she feels about this. I'm the youngest and even though my mum talks to my eldest sister she doesn't want her coming to her house and is convinced she'll take over because thats the sort of person she is, she already tells my mum things like i'm gonna stick you in a home and i've already looked into it and i know i'm allowed. So i told my mum i'd look into it for her to see if its true and if theres some sort of document she can make to say she doesn't want the eldest to be in charge of her welfare should anything happen.

I really hate talking abut this but i hate the thought of my mum being upset with me if i can't stick to her instructions. I even get told i must be the first one round cause whoever controls the death certificate controls everything else, and even though i'm the only one with a key to her house and only me and my husband know where to find the will she worrys they'll kick her door down and take over.

Any help is greatly received

Oldernotwiser

I really don't think that you should let your mum name you as one of the executors if you're not prepared to do what she wants. What's your husband's and your brother's take on this?

athensgeorgia

Its not that i'm not prepared to do what she wants its just that my 4 older sisters have such overpowering personalitys i want to be able to point them in some sort of direction and say well this is how it is and theres nothing you can do about it. My brother sort of laughs off what my sister says but my mum and i know shes not joking and my husband is more confident that i know he'll be there to back me up.

RedBern

would it not be better to appoint an 'independent' executor then like a solicitor then it wouldn't be your call about what happens?

poppyolivia

change your mums locks for a start.

athensgeorgia

Theres no need to change any locks as only i have a key now since she got her new front door but my sister makes comments about not having a key and i'm not 'allowed' to confirm i have a key when she asks or she'll kick off. Also my brother borrowed money off my mum which she had to remortgage her house for. And my eldest sisters husband told my mum it was a big mistake and it was eating into everybodys inheritance, which only upset my mum even more cause it made her realise what they were all about.

I did ask my mum if she thought i was the best person for this and she assured me she has full confidence in me and my husband. I just worry being the youngest they'll bully me and seeing as though we're not really that close (theres 18 years between the eldest and me) they already talk to me like crap and respecting my elders i normally just keep quiet, but they do talk to me differently when my husbands there cause he just put them in their place.

athensgeorgia

Who is legally classed as next of kin when my mums not married? Is it the eldest child? Does she have the right to say if she goes into a home or if she wants organs donating or something? Its not really the will side of it i'm concerned about the most its my mums welfare i don't want the eldest to have a made some sort of decision for her when i know its not what mum would want.

Mini_Bear

These seems like a terribe situation for you OP. Perhaps your mum could start giving you things out the house now in preparation?
Surely as long as its written in the will what your mums wishes are and u are executor your sisters physically cant take anythin?
Good luck OP, i hope it all works out.

Poppy9

I think your mother should call all 6 of you together and set out her wishes about who is to do what etc. She should have her solicitor present who should prepare her will.

Her solicitor should also be able to advise her on how to give you power of attorney now if she wants it so you can have control of her bank accounts etc.

Yes it will cost your mother a few hundred pounds but it will give you both peace of mind and she obviously has money to leave if siblings are worrying about their inheritance.

I do think it's a shame that your family is estranged and it sounds like strong personality on your mother and sisters sides have caused this. Perhaps they all need reminding that life isn't a rehearsal.

RAS

Hi

Your mother might well want to arrange a lasting power of attorney; see http://www.publicguardian.gov.uk/ . It costs a bit but it means that if she ever becomes unable to look after herself, the people she appoints will decide her care, not the rest of the family.

Expect a fair bit of anger from other family members who think they should be attorneys and you still have to stand your ground. I had to tell both my siblings to butt out as they had no legal authority to take the actions they wanted, and that in other cases I was forbidden to take actions they proposed. But being able to say this is the legal situation, I am doing what I have to do in law and what you are proposing is illegal helps.

anguk

I agree with RAS, if your mother is worried that your eldest sister may put her into a home I think it's best that she arranges a lasting power of attorney now and also puts in writing what her wishes are.