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Feeling very scared and alone

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Feeling very scared and alone

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Debt-Free Wannabe
25 replies 3K views
worried_3worried_3 Forumite
16 posts
edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Debt-Free Wannabe
Hi everyone

Well (deep breath) I need help and advice. I am £35000 in debt and I am panicking. My husband does not know and I can't tell him either (he can't understand how people can get into debt!!!!) I am off work on Maternity leave until September and since our baby was born the relationship has been strained so I can't go telling him about this.

I owe Barclays approx 20000 (2 separate loans £201 and £239 per month
Cahoot flexible loan £9000 = £168 per month
Capital One credit card £6000 = £180 per month.

I am receiving child benefits £68 per month and maternity pay £411.

Other outgoings £250 housekeeping and £120 car hire (my husband takes care of everthing else.

Before I went on Maternity leave my take home pay was £1024 ( I was struggling then but was using credit to get by!!!) When I return to work I will be going part time because of child care costs so my wage will almost half.

I just feel so sick and tired of my debt, I've always borrowed to get myself out of it - I just wish I had found this forum earlier!

I've read about CCCS and payplan if I was accepted to go on a debt management plan do they:
Contact your employers
require payslips?

Also I am getting really scared about debt collectors calling - I am up to date with all my payments but if I was on a DMP would this happen and do the creditors hassle you. My husband cannot find out about this.

I am desperate for help and advice.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.


  • tanithtanith Forumite
    8.1K posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Hiya and welcome .. please don't panic , there will soon be lots of people coming along to help you find a way to handle your debts... maybe you could start compiling a Statement of your affairs, income. outgoings etc... try to get together the relevent % for your loans and CC as they will need to know that to try to help you ......

    Just hang in there , help is on the way I am sure...
    #6 of the SKI-ers Club :j

    "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" Edmund Burke
  • oops_a_daisyoops_a_daisy Forumite
    2.5K posts
    Debt-free and Proud!
    Hi there :)

    you have really done the best thing coming here. You will get advice and support from people that have either been or still are in your situation. The best way to try to work things out ( everybody will ask for this ) is to post a statement of affairs on here or a SOA for short. There is a template for one here . Help is at hand.
    :cool: Official DFW Nerd Club Member #37 Debt free Feb 07 :cool:
  • $17mma$17mma Forumite
    2.6K posts

    Welcome.. I know that you are feeling anxious and stressed, but this will only make things worse than they seem.. i know i know sounds easy to say.

    You need to think with a clear head so stressing and worrying will not help. Everyone on here will soon have you on the right track.

    I do feel that you need to share this with your husband so that he can help you at this time. Together you may be able to make a bigger difference with this debt than by yourself.

    Further help will soon come in th form of other MSE's

    We will soon have things worked out...

    Hang on in there hun..
    All it takes for evil to succeed is for a good man to do nothing!
  • Dont panic!!! First bit of advice! My husband doesnt know about my debts either!! (Well he knows a bit but not all of it!) Have you tried the Whats the Cost website. They have a really good grid to help you 'snowball' your debts. I did it for the first time last week and I now have what they call a 'debt-free date' You put all your debts in a chart and all your minimum payments (plus whatever else you can afford to pay off your debt even if its just a few extra pounds a month) and it shows you the best debt to concentrate on paying off first (highest interest one usually) and then when thats gone you can pay that spare money onto your next debt and so on. Its really helpful at giving you some sort of plan for the future. The citizens advice bureau is also a good place to visit in confidence.
    You are definitely not alone though. Read a few posts on this forum and you will see that we are all in the same boat. (All bailing out like fury but with a smile!!!) :rotfl:

    debt free date Dec 2007. :beer:

    does anyone know the correct link for the Whatsthecost website?
    debt free date Feb 2008 :beer:

    Bank of Scotland card £3580
    Capital one card £2260
    Barclaycard £983
    Halifax card £1131 Citi card £471
    Natwest card £394
    Timecard £2933
    Next £338
    Freemans £129(0%)
    Choice £235(0%)
    La redoute £210(0%)
    Littlewoods £95 (0%)
    "Love is like jam. You only have to spread a little to end up getting some on you"
  • dudleyboydudleyboy Forumite
    765 posts
    A problem shared is certainly a problem halved. I think once you've posted your SOA here you'll feel much better. It's quite cathartic tackling your debts in this way. It'll allow you to tackle them head-on, and give others the chance to give advice and information based upon your individual circumstances. Once you've taken on board all the advice, you'll have a better idea of where you are and how you can get to where you want to be. you'll then find it far easier to share this information with your nearest and dearest as you'll be able to provide immediate answers to any of their queries (the same ones you're having now).

    This place is a gold mine of information and support, and you'll feel a lot differently when you've done this. Have a good night's sleep and i've no doubt you'll have lots of proactive advice by the morning. :)
  • bluezonebluezone Forumite
    772 posts
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    whatever you do dont worry as it WILL be ok - i mean to cheer yourself up have a look at the amount I owe and i'm still smiling :eek:

    jot down your in's and outs and we will all try to help you like everyone has helped me. And I would like to try and return the favour somehow.
    Keep your chin up!
  • Thanks for your replys, I really can't tell my husband he won't be very understanding he absolutely hates debt - I can see things going from bad to worse:(

    I will attempt my SOA
    Monthly Incomings:

    My salary - £411
    Benefits - £68

    Total - £479

    Monthly Outgoings:

    Pay £250 towards mortgage, bills and food
    £120 per month car (scheme which can't get out of cos its connected to husbands job)
    £5 mobile payg

    Total £375

    Barclay loan start balance £15000 over 84 months started June 2003 now owe £10131. £239 per month (don't know APR)
    Barclay loan start balance £13000 over 84 months started August 2004 now owe £10614. £201 per month (don't know APR)
    Cahoot flexible loan owe £9000 started Jan 03 £166 per month APR 8.5%
    Capital One credit card £5800 @ £180 per month not sure of APR

    Monthly total £786

    I have tried to get other loans to consolidate some of the above but have been turned down. Has anyone dealt with barclays, cahoot or capital one???

    I hope I have made sense,
    Thanks again
  • Hi and welcome worried. I just wanted to say that you will get a lot of good advice on here and things will get better. It can be a bit strained when you have a new baby, and worrying about the debt as well must be a strain on you. Hang in there as I know there are a few things you can look into. Do you have PPI on your loans, if so I believe you can cancel this, but someone with more knowledge about this will be along soon.

    You have done the best thing by posting here.

  • From what you say it appears that you and OH finances are completely separate. Is that true?

    Will he not have noticed that you have been getting into debt? Forgive me - but how can you spend that sort of money without him noticing at least some of it? What have you spent it on? My reason for saying this is that he just may have an inkling that you are in debt... is that a possibility?

    Is your marriage on a firm footing? If he loves you he will understand and want to help (even if there is a tough first reaction)

    Anyway... good luck... you have a lot of people who who will want to help you through this.
  • Hi Peppa

    I haven't got PPI on my loans. I took them all out without it.

    I am really enjoying being a mum I just feel worn out by all this. I am so happy with the replys I have received so far. My husband works shifts so he isn't here at the moment. Going to stay up for a bit longer and then going to try and get some sleep:)
    Thanks again
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