Feeling very scared and alone

worried_3

Our finances are separate and he doesn't know how much I earn! This all probably sounds terrible but I've managed to hide it for years. He knew I had loans when we met but he thinks they are now paid off!!!

MLbiggestfan

Your APR has a great bearing on which debt to pay off first. See if you can dig your paperwork out to find it out. Am guessing that credit card will have highest interest rate. Did try to contact Capital One before to try to reduce my interest rate but found them very unhelpful. Are you able to transfer to a 0% card at all?

vippymini

hi worried,

know how your feeling , ive posted on the board tonight as i feel the same as you , so your not alone (hugs)

also im a mum of 4 with 1 due in september and a husband working nights!

Peppa_Pig_5

Glad you are enjoying being a mum. My husband also works shifts, he is on the night shift this week. I have 2 children, one is coming up to 8, the other is 2. Have a good nights sleep and I am sure there will be more helpful replies in the morning.

Peppa
x

MLbiggestfan

I know its does sound out of the question but is there any way you could share this with him? Does he have enough coming in each month to help you with this? The initial row might be awful beyond belief but maybe he will then come round and work with you to sort this out. What do you think?

*zippy*

Hi Worried

I can't offer any advice sorry, but just wanted to say welcome and well done for posting. I can understand how stressful it must be to cope with this on your own especially with a new baby and strain at home. Those with more experience will be along to help you soon.

Best Wishes
Zippy x

MLbiggestfan

You seem to be £682 short each month. Have you been funding this shortfall with your credit card?

Sallys_Savings

Hi worried,...I'm afraid I can't be much help with money advice as many can on here but you've certainly come to the right place. Theres such good people here that can help you.
.
There is one thing, when you go back to work after the baby is born will you be elgible for childminding fees from the government? this may help a little.

I just want to wish you luck and to let you know that it will get better if you listen to the advice on here.

bluezone

I have dealt with barclays and they have really helped me, aklthough I have been going in almost every day so they had to help me really

Squawk_2

I kept my debt from my wife for over 8 years until it all came to head a few months ago when everything I had was totally maxed out. Total breakdown time, (read into that what you may), and that's when it all came out. She was stunned for a day or two as she also really hates debt and can't understand why people get into it. But then she said she felt so stressed about it, it was making her ill. I thought, "Here we go" but she just said "Is this how you've been feeling for years? How on earth have you managed?" (or words to that efffect). We are now working together to get all this sorted and I've got to say that over half the stress is lying to the one you love. I'm not a counseller but by personal experience if the relationship is worth it, he will support you 100%, possibly after a lot of shouting and allegations, but that's just a reaction, not a true response which will come later. My wife actually feels guilty that I couldn't tell her, but I keep on telling her that it's not her fault in any shape or form, but it's all mine - because it is, both the debt and the secrecy! I've totally accepted this was all my problem, but need her help and support to get me/us financially and emotionally out of this. I don't deserve her, but what can I say? She's just wonderful in so many ways.
Your health is more important than debt, and worring not only about the debt which is a nightmare in itself, but about hubbys reaction to it on top doesn't help matters either.
I've had to go for an IVA and as it was ALL my debt, (and here is where I go to the top of the leader board with "over £200,000" in credit cards and non-secured loans), they can only ask for my equity of the house to be taken into account. This doesn't mean selling the house but what I can get as a remortgage on my share of the equity. I'm going to end up paying between about 45p and 70p in the £.
Your debt is totally manageable, just seek help from the professionals, other people on this site will be able to tell you who. Unfortunately I only found this forum after I had my IVA accepted, although the nominee/supervisor I went with has been outstanding anyway, (Baker Tilly).
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.