nrp help

stokefan

im not really sure where to put this thread, so move if you need to

as the nrp, i want to be more involved in my little uns life, at the moment we are going through the courts so i can get regular access. My ex (pwc) says that even if we go through court she can stop me from seeing my kid and its unenforcable. Do any of you know if this is true?

also i would like to know what rights i have. like do i get a choice in what school my little un goes to? if she gets christened etc.

if anyone has a link to a website stating whaty my rights actually are i would be grateful.

thanks again

EDIT- sorry forgot to say, my child was born last year and im on the birth cert aswell

Zara33

Sadly she may hinder the contact that you will get via court.

As your named on the birth certificate you automatically have parental rights and responsibilities.

stokefan

Zara33 wrote: »

Sadly she may hinder the contact that you will get via court.

As your named on the birth certificate you automatically have parental rights and responsibilities.

thanks, i know i have rights and responsibilities, but what im trying to ask is, Is it upto the pwc to inform me of what school my child is going to or will i get a say in what happens legally?

also with the first point, if my ex wants to stop me from seeing my child after we have been to court, are you saying she can?

Blob

Hi

Welcome to the minefield. Your ex can stop you from seeing your kids even if you have a contact order. You should make sure that the Court know that you think that she will break the Order. When you go to Court ask for a review date, 6 month to a year down the line. If she breaks this in the first time frame, at the review bring this out, and ask for a Penla Notice to be attached to the Order, you can ask for this at the first hearing if you want as well but you may have to provide evidence to back up what you say.

By the sound of it you are in for a long a bitter fight, dig in your kids are worth it.

stokefan

i thought it would get easier after i have been to court, seems im wrong.

at the minute i get access, but also threats that she will remove it too, so my solicitor has said she will apply to the courts.

i am concerned that i wont have any say in my daughters life and that i will just be a spanner in the works. i mean i want a say in which school the kid goes, and major decisions like that, i just know my ex and her partner wont let me know whats going on. is there anything i can do about sorting that too.

Zara33

stokefan wrote: »

i thought it would get easier after i have been to court, seems im wrong.

at the minute i get access, but also threats that she will remove it too, so my solicitor has said she will apply to the courts.

i am concerned that i wont have any say in my daughters life and that i will just be a spanner in the works. i mean i want a say in which school the kid goes, and major decisions like that, i just know my ex and her partner wont let me know whats going on. is there anything i can do about sorting that too.

I could be wrong here but anything you want is going to be hard to get in place, she could make things very difficult for you.

Parental rights/responsibilities are great on paper but in the real world it's a whole different kettle of fish and things could get very expensive.

stokefan

Zara33 wrote: »

I could be wrong here but anything you want is going to be hard to get in place, she could make things very difficult for you.

Parental rights/responsibilities are great on paper but in the real world it's a whole different kettle of fish and things could get very expensive.

so basically i just give her money to look after my child and have no say in the upbringing of my child. Sounds to me like im better not going to court because t
hat will be rocking the boat.

so the ncp still dont have any rights?

Soubrette

stokefan wrote: »

so basically i just give her money to look after my child and have no say in the upbringing of my child. Sounds to me like im better not going to court because t
hat will be rocking the boat.

so the ncp still dont have any rights?

You have loads of rights but do you have the grit to enforce them?

As NRP you have exactly the same rights in principle as the PWC but as she has your child for more time - how are you going to enforce them?

So if she wants the child christened - you can protest (if you find out about it). If you want the child christened then she can do the same (if she finds out about it).

If you are prepared to go to court then make sure that there are attachments to the court order which means that if she fails to give contact then there are real consequences - this could be going to prison or having custody of the child taken off of her and given to you. This doesn't happen very often but is not unheard of and is getting more common.

Save every bit of correspondence from her, text, email whatever that threatens to disenfranchise you from your child. Even if you get on well now - that may change in the future.

Schmooze the PWC as well - it's to her benefit to have you in your child's life - she gets to have a weekend off every couple of weeks and perhaps a day in the week (or whatever contact you decide), let her know how thrilled you are to be a Dad and how you want contact and to be there for your child.

Join families need fathers or any similar organisations - I think it's £32 a year for membership and you get access to a specialised forum and to expert help (although the latter will cost).

Basically if you are serious then there is nothing stopping you being a full and active parent to this child, even if the PWC is reluctant and obstructive.

I would start as I meant to go on in your position - I'm going to try and be friendly about this but if my PWC were to start spitefully withholding contact with my child then I would be going all the way to maintain it. Muck me about once then I'm paying for a solicitors letter reminding her of the consequences of access - twice then I'm back in court. I would hope that just telling the PWC this would be enough but if it's not then they are going to wish they hadn't started anything because I'm going to make their life a lot more difficult than it was before and if I even have a hint that they don't have the best interests of the child at heart then I'm going to be suing for custody.

But that's just me

Sou

Soubrette

Specifically regarding schools - there's nothing wrong with researching schools and letting the PWC know your thoughts, again technically you have an equal say but practically who will be taking the child to and from school? So even if you were together and disagreed, in this instance you might go with what would be your partner in this instance because she would have to fit the school run in with her timetable.

Once your child is at school then ask the school to send you a copy of all correspondence - explain that although you and the PWC do not get along, you are a full and active father in your child's life and as such want to get involved in any decisions.

Don't listen to any rubbish about changing your child's surname either - if they are registered under your name then you have to give permission - this is the same as if the child is 'known as', you have to give permission for that too. If you find out anything like that is going on then send a letter to the school, GP advising that you do not agree to this name change.

Do you have a copy birth cert? It cost me about £7 to get a copy marriage cert recently (and a stamped addressed envelope). You should keep this for your records.

In short, if the PWC is obstructive then stop trying to thrash it out with her and go down the legal route. Be prepared for hassle and expensive but in the end your child with thank you for it - you are standing up for the child's right to have access to both parents.

Let us know how you get on.

Sou

stokefan

thanks, i will. to be honest i think she is still bitter about the break up, although she says not. She hates the fact that im fighting for my child, i will get a copy of the birth certificate;

any idea of where to get this from? she has already threatened me with the name change, that didnt work as i have changed my name in the past when my mum re married, so i know about the process (along story lol) thanks for all your help people, no doubt ill be back on having a rant in the near future

Soubrette

stokefan wrote: »

thanks, i will. to be honest i think she is still bitter about the break up, although she says not. She hates the fact that im fighting for my child, i will get a copy of the birth certificate;

any idea of where to get this from? she has already threatened me with the name change, that didnt work as i have changed my name in the past when my mum re married, so i know about the process (along story lol) thanks for all your help people, no doubt ill be back on having a rant in the near future

Go onto your local council's website and there should be a page there. I put my council into google - then on their website used the search term 'replacement marriage certificate' which gave me some different pages - one of which was the correct one

Also if you google parental rights then there are loads of pages which tell you that you have equal rights to the PWC from a variety of different sources eg http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954

or

http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/F/family/rights/parentsrights.html

Also do be aware that if I were the PWC and thought that you were not entitled to access to our child then I would be keeping any evidence of times when you are unreliable or thoughtless so make sure they don't happen If you have to be late for a pick up - always text or phone in good time, always turn up, remember birthdays etc etc - in short be a reliable and loving dad and hopefully that will have the knock on effect that eventually the PWC will see that you are a benefit and asset in both of your child's life and maybe soften her views.

Sou